


Shock and Aftershock

by Bremol



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 61,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bremol/pseuds/Bremol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elsie learns something about Charles that breaks her heart. Can it be mended by something unexpected?  Runner up in the final Highclere Awards 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, let me say that I am whole heartedly a CarsonxHughes shipper. Second, we can blame some of this story on dear PL. She's so dang good that she has chemistry onscreen with so many of the men that, well...shrug. Third, this story came about after a rewatching (one of many) of the Christmas Special. The way Carson talks to Mrs. Hughes when she finds him with Sybie...the look on her face just breaks my heart. That coupled with the way he talked to her several times during Series/Season 3 and well...I was ticked off at him. Really, it's Carson's fault. So now, without further comment...

 

 

 

 

Elsie sat at her desk, noise from the kitchen not registering even though Mrs. Patmore was yelling at one of the poor scullery maids.  The housekeeper’s mind was fixed on the news she’d received in the telegram she was currently staring down at.

“How could he do this?” she asked the empty room.  Her heart breaking, she didn’t hear the knock on her door and was startled by the sound of Mrs. Patmore’s voice.

“Mrs. Hughes?” the cook said her name as she moved closer.  “What is it?” she asked as she placed her hand on the other woman’s shoulder.

Elsie wiped at her tears and shook her head.  “It’s nothing, Mrs. Patmore.”

“Of course it’s nothing.  I always find the housekeeper in her sitting room crying.”

Elsie sighed as she pulled out her handkerchief.  “This,” she whispered as she held out the paper that had caused her tears.

Mrs. Patmore’s eyes widened as she finished reading.  “He wouldn’t do that to you.  Not after,” she stopped at the sob that escaped her friend’s careful control.  “He cares about you.  Doesn’t he?”

“I though so, but it would seem I was wrong.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Hughes.  Why don’t you take a walk?  I’ll have tea waiting.”

“Thank you.  I won’t be gone long.”  Elsie told her friend as she stood and pulled on her coat.

“Don’t you worry about that.”  Mrs. Patmore watched her friend walk away and shook her head, cursing Charles Carson for being such a bloody fool.

 

~*~

 

Elsie took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen, hoping that Mrs. Patmore was alone, breathing a sigh of relief when her hope was realized.  “Mrs. Patmore.”

“Better?”  Mrs. Patmore asked as she stood and moved over to pour hot water into the teapot.  “I held some dinner back for you.”

“Thank you.  And, no, not really, but I _have_ come to a decision.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”  Elsie nodded.  “I have.  I’m going to London.”

Mrs. Patmore raised her eyebrow at that.  “You are?”

“You’re more than capable of seeing to things here.”  Elsie sighed as she sipped her tea.  Looking up at her friend, she continued, “I have to see for myself.  Maybe she misinterpreted what she saw.”

Seeing the determination in her friend’s eyes, Mrs. Patmore nodded.  “Yes, I can see to things here.  Go on and pack.  I’m sure you’ve already purchased your ticket.”

Elsie smiled slightly at her friend.  “You know me too well, Mrs. Patmore.”

“Go on with you.”  Mrs. Patmore shooed her friend out of the kitchen, thinking that she didn’t know Elsie at all.  She only knew Mrs. Hughes.  She had thought Mr. Carson knew Elsie, but now that she thought about it…

Did anyone know Elsie?

 

~*~

 

Charles laughed at something the woman he was with whispered in his ear, not realizing they were being watched.  The raven haired woman tucked her hand in the crook of his arm, smiling when he reached out to squeeze it.  “You’re lovely today, my dear.”

Elsie heard his words, heard the way his voice lowered, and felt her heart breaking all over again.  Her friend had been right.

Charles Carson was walking out with a woman here in London and didn’t seem to be giving Elsie a second thought.

Well, if that’s the way things were, so be it.  She’d come prepared.

Swallowing down the urge to cry out at him, she turned and started walking in the direction of Grantham House.

As she walked, Elsie thought of all the times she and Charles had walked like that on their rare trips into the village together that didn’t involve walking to church.  How many times had he laughed at something she’d told him?  How many times had they lingered by the water just to spend extra time being with each other?  She had thought those times meant something, but he had never once looked at her the way he was looking at the woman on his arm today.

“Hello, Mr. Bates.  Why are you answering the door?” she asked several minutes later, thankful that she hadn’t been far from Grantham House.

“I was closest.”  Bates answered.  “What are you doing here?  Has something happened at Downton?”

“Nothing has happened at home,” she assured him.

Bates nodded.  “If you’ve come to see Mr. Carson, I’m afraid he’s taken the day off.”

Elsie could see the look on the man’s face and felt sorry for him.  “It’s alright, Mr. Bates.  I know that Mr. Carson is out.”  Her voice was icy as she spoke, making Bates blink in surprise.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Hughes.”

“No need to be, Mr. Bates.  Is Lord or Lady Grantham at home?”

“His Lordship is.  I’ll take your coat and then show you to the library.”

“I won’t be staying long and I can find my way.”

Bates watched his friend as she made her way to the library, the set of her shoulders telling him that whatever she had to say to their employer wasn’t good.  The thought that she might be leaving Downton crossed his mind, but then he shook his head.  Mrs. Hughes would never leave the Abbey.

Would she?


	2. Chapter 2

“Elsie?”  Mrs. Patmore asked as she watched her friend packing things from her sitting room.  “Are you really leaving us?”

“I can’t stay, Beryl.  It would only hurt the running of the house.  I won’t be responsible for that.”

“Your leaving will hurt the running of the house.”  Beryl whispered as she wiped at her cheeks.

“Please, Beryl.  Don’t cry.  I’m barely holding myself together as it is.”

Mrs. Patmore swallowed and blinked a few times.  “I’ll do my best.”  Reaching out to steady her friend’s hand, she held her gaze.  “Are you going to slip away in the night?”

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “I think it’s best.  I don’t want to be here when he returns in the morning.  I’m sure Lord Grantham has informed Mr. Carson of my retirement.”

“May I see you off?”

Elsie smiled sadly.  “I’d rather you didn’t.  It’s going to be hard enough leaving as it is.  If you’re here,” she shook her head.

Mrs. Patmore nodded.  “I know, but I’ll be up and watching and saying a silent goodbye.”  Turning to leave, she paused at the door.  “Promise to stay in touch.  There are several of us here that will miss you very much.  At least knowing that you’ve found somewhere and are doing well will be of some comfort.”

“I promise, Beryl, but I won’t tell you where I am.”

“I know.  I understand.  I just want to know that you’re well.”

“I promise.”  Elsie whispered as Mrs. Patmore slipped out of the sitting room, closing the door quietly behind her.  She was thankful that Mrs. Patmore was the only one here to know what was happening.  She didn’t think she could deal with Anna or Mr. Bates.  It was bad enough that Mr. Bates had been there at Grantham House when she’d told his Lordship that she was leaving.  She knew that he’d heard what she’d said, that he knew she’d lied about why she must leave so suddenly.  She also knew that the man would never betray her, though he might not be so friendly with Mr. Carson now.  She was sorry for that because Mr. Carson didn’t have many friends, yet she knew that he’d counted Mr. Bates as one.  Well, it wasn’t something she could help.  She’d not be here to smooth it out as she always had before.  It wasn’t her place anymore.

Looking around the room she’d spent so many hours in, she sighed.  Nothing was ever going to be the same.  She’d never dreamed she’d be leaving Downton this way.  She’d thought about simply resigning, saying that she’d found a post somewhere else, but it had only been a fleeting thought.  Nowhere else would or could be home.  She could never work in another house, not after Downton.

She had grown into a woman here.

She’d laughed here.

She’d cried here.

She’d loved here.

She’d had her heart broken here.

No, she’d never work anywhere else.

She’d never find home again.

 

~*~

 

Richard Clarkson blinked in surprise as he caught sight of Downton’s housekeeper, bag in hand, waiting for the train.  Walking up to her, he smiled as he tipped his hat.  “Mrs. Hughes.”

“Hello, Dr. Clarkson.”  Elsie acknowledged his greeting, her eyes not quite meeting his.

Richard prided himself in his ability to read people, and if he was reading Mrs. Hughes right, something was upsetting her.  “Is something wrong, Mrs. Hughes?  Has something happened to your family?” he asked as he nodded toward her bags.

“Nothing’s happened, Dr. Clarkson.  I’m,” she sighed and looked up at him.  “I’m going back to Scotland for a while.  I need to find a place to enjoy my retirement.”

Richard blinked in surprise.  “Retirement?  You’re leaving for good, Mrs. Hughes?”

“I am,” she answered quietly.

Frowning at the sadness he heard, Richard sat down next to her.  “Would you like company on your journey?  I happen to be going home, myself.”

Elsie blinked up at the man.  “We won’t be traveling in the same class, Dr. Clarkson.”

Richard smiled and held out his hand.  “Give me your ticket.”

“Whatever for?” she asked then realized the reason and shook her head.  “No.  You can’t do that.”

“Mrs. Hughes, I can do as I please.  Besides, you’ve said yourself you no longer work at Downton.  What harm will it do if you become my traveling companion?”  He held out his hand, smiling at her as he waited patiently for her to do as he asked.  “Remember, Mrs. Hughes.  I’m every bit the stubborn Scot you are.”

Elsie shook her head before finally giving in and placing the ticket in his outstretched hand with a huff.  “Oh.”

“Thank you.”  Richard smiled at her as he stood and made his way to the ticket counter, exchanging hers for one to match the class of his, making sure the destinations were different. 

Elsie stared at the oncoming train.  “Why are you leaving on this train instead of one at a more decent hour?” she asked when Richard rejoined her on the bench.

“Because I like traveling in the dark,” he answered earning a chuckle.  “Why are you leaving now?”

Elsie stared down at her hands.  “Leaving is hard for me, Dr. Clarkson.  I didn’t wish to,” she stopped and shook her head, a tear escaping to roll down her cheek.

Richard touched her elbow and gently helped her stand.  “It’s alright, Mrs. Hughes.”

Elsie sighed, “I suppose it’s just Miss Hughes now.  Missus was only to go along with my position.”

Richard shook his head.  “I’ll stay with Mrs. Hughes.”

Elsie smiled slightly at him before bending to pick up her traveling basket.  “Did you bring anything to eat?  I’ve some food Mrs. Patmore sent along.  She sent plenty, the silly woman.”

“No, I didn’t.”  Richard answered as he took her bags and handed them off to a porter along with his own.  “Come along.  Let’s find our car and get comfortable.  Maybe you’ll be able to rest.”  He raised an eyebrow at her when she looked up at him sharply.  “I’m a doctor.  You can’t think that I wouldn’t have noticed the fatigue.”

Elsie sighed, “Doctors.”

“Doctors.”  Richard agreed with a smile, sure that he was going to enjoy this trip home more than he’d thought possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Elsie greeted her sister with a watery smile.  “I’ve come home,” she breathed as she collapsed into her sister’s embrace, the tears she’d been fighting, finally breaking free.

“Shh, now, Els.  Fia’s got you.”

Hearing her sister’s soft voice comforting her as it had when they were younger only made Elsie sob harder as she buried her face in her sister’s neck.  Fia as the oldest, had always did her best to protect Elsie.  The fact that she’d turned out tall like their father had always worked in Elsie’s favor as well when she’d wanted to bury herself in her sister’s embrace and get lost from the things hurting her.  “I hurt, Fi,” she whimpered.

Fia held her sister tighter, wondering what had caused her to show up unannounced and in tears.  “Tell me,” she whispered as she rubbed her back and cradled her head.  At nearly eleven years older than Elsie, Fia had always been a sort of mother figure to her, taking over the role completely when their mother had died.

“He loves another.”

“Oh, Els.”  Fia whispered, her heart breaking for her sister.  She didn’t need anymore of an explanation than those few words.  Her sister’s heart had been lost to the butler of Downton years ago.  “But I thought he felt the same?  After what you’ve said in your letters about how he’d been when you thought you were sick, how he reacted when you found out you were alright, it doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m sorry.”  A voice said from behind them.  “I don’t mean to intrude.  Only, Mrs. Hughes forgot her basket.”

Elsie stiffened as she pulled away from her sister.  Wiping angrily at her face, she turned to face the visitor.  “Thank you,” she whispered as she took the proffered basket.  “Fia, this is Dr. Clarkson, a fellow Scot.  He’s the doctor for the village and for the Crawley family.”

“Hello, Dr. Clarkson.  Thank you for returning my sister’s basket.  Would you care for some tea?”

Richard looked at Elsie, saw the tears she’d tried to wipe away and felt his heart constrict.  “Thank you, but I think I’ve interrupted enough.  Mrs. Hughes clearly needs time alone with her sister without intrusions from outsiders.”  He tipped his hat and turned to go.

“Dr. Clarkson.”  Elsie called after him, her hand on his arm stopping him.  “Thank you.  I appreciate your kindness.  I’m sorry you’ve seen me this way.”

“No need to apologize, Mrs. Hughes.  I’ve known that something was wrong since I saw you at the train station.”  He smiled at her.  “As a doctor I can tell you that a good cry is good for you.  Better than keeping it bottled up.”

Elsie smiled slightly and shook her head at him.  “Doctors,” she muttered.

“Doctors,” he agreed just as he’d done when they’d started their trip.

Closing the door behind him, Elsie sighed and shook her head before turning to go into the kitchen where her sister was making tea.  “Fi,” she called as she came into the room.  “Will Duncan mind my staying a few days?  I just need some time to get my balance again.”

“Els, Duncan is out of town.  Fishing with Gavin.  They won’t be back until Friday.  You’ve no need to worry.”

“I just don’t want him to think that he’ll have another mouth to feed.”

“You let me worry over Duncan.”

“Fi, you don’t have to protect me anymore.”

“Don’t I?”  Fia asked as she handed her sister a cup of tea.  “Your heart’s been broken, Lass, and I’ll not be letting you be hurt again.”

“Fi?”

“What is it, Els?”

“Is he good to you?  He doesn’t,” Elsie stopped and bit her bottom lip.

“Yes, Els.  He’s very good to me, and no, he doesn’t.  That isn’t to say we don’t have shouting matches, but that’s all there is.  Shouting.”

“He just doesn’t like me.”

“Now, Els,” Fi started, stopping when Elsie looked up at her.  “Alright, fine.  No, he doesn’t.  I’ve tried to make him see, to make him understand, but he refuses.”

“I don’t blame him.  I don’t much like myself when I think of what happened.”

“Els.”  Fia gripped her sister’s hand.  “No.  None of that.  What’s past is past.  I did what I had always done, and would do again if the need arose.  You’re my sister, Elsie.  I love you.  Have since the day I peered down into those blue eyes of yours for the first time.”

Elsie blinked, tears rolling down her cheeks.  “It’s been so long since someone said I love you to me.”

“Then I’ll tell you every day you’re here.”  Fia smiled at her sister, pressing a kiss to Elsie’s forehead as she stood to put her cup in the sink.

Elsie sighed as she took the last sip of her tea.  It felt good to let herself go and just be the younger sister, to let herself feel all of the things she’d kept bottled up.  She’d grown weary of being the dragon they kept below stairs, all icy fire and nothing else.  She would have rather not had Richard Clarkson see her blubbering like a child, but there wasn’t much she could do about it now.

“He seems like a nice man, Els.  And I’m sure he’s seen a woman doing more than crying on her sister’s shoulder before.”

“Fia.”  Elsie frowned at her sister.

Fia shrugged.  “I was merely trying to get you to stop worrying about the kind doctor seeing you crying.  He was the doctor you went to when you had your scare, right?”

“Yes.  But what does that have to do with things?”

“Elsie, you’re good at hiding behind your walls, but there are some things even you can’t keep hidden.  Fear, Els.  I’m sure he saw the fear in your eyes.”  Fia smiled.  “Besides, I heard what he said.  And he’s right.  A good cry is good for you every once in the while.”

“Good it might be, but I’ve a headache from it.”

“Then I’ll take you to the spare room and you can rest.  I’m sure it’s been a long night for you.”

Elsie sighed, “I hate to be such a bad guest.”

“Nonsense.  Come on now.”

Elsie followed her sister, thankful once again that their past hadn’t completely ripped them apart.  At this point in her life, she didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have Fia to pick up her broken pieces and put them back together.

“Elsie?”  Fia asked when she turned and noticed her sister staring off at nothing.

Elsie shook her head and looked at her sister.  “I was only thinking about how very lucky I am that our past didn’t take you away from me forever instead of just a few years.”

Fia pulled her sister into her arms and held tightly.  “I can’t fix this, Els, no matter how much I may want to.  I can be here for you to hold you and let you cry as you heal, but that’s all I can promise this time.”

Elsie sniffed as she pulled from the hug.  “I know you can’t fix it, Fi.  How can you fix something when you don’t understand why it was broken?”

“Change into your nightdress and climb into bed.  I’m going to go get you another blanket, it’s chilly in here.”

Elsie nodded and watched her sister leave the room.  Sighing as she began to undress, she felt the weariness start to overwhelm her.  It had been two days since she’d slept properly.  She’d gotten a few hours on the train, but they hadn’t been restful because she’d been afraid of having a nightmare and embarrassing herself in front of Dr. Clarkson.  Finished undressing, she pulled her nightdress on then pulled the pins from her hair before she slipped under the covers and sighed as she settled her head against the pillow.  Feeling cool air and then more warmth, she opened her eyes and smiled tiredly at her sister.  “Thank you, Fi.”

Fia sat down on the side of the bed and caressed the hair from Elsie’s cheek.  “No thanks necessary, Els.  I’m just looking after my baby sister.  Now, close those eyes and rest.  I’ll be here.”

Elsie took a deep breath as she finally gave in and closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her.  She knew that Fia would sit with her for a while to make sure she was resting and it gave her comfort, a comfort she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Fia felt her tears finally falling.  She’d always hated seeing her sister hurting, and that hadn’t changed just because they were no longer girls.  She had been all that Elsie had for so long. 

It had nearly broken her heart when she’d learned her sister had thought she might have cancer.  She’d wanted so desperately to go to her, but she hadn’t been able to leave.  Then she’d received the letter from Elsie telling how Mrs. Patmore, the cook, had become a friend and was standing by her and it had eased her guilt at not being there somewhat.  The letter telling of Mr. Carson’s reaction had eased her guilt a bit more.  Now though, now all she wanted to do was brain the man with her skillet.

Whatever in the world possessed the man to break Elsie’s heart?  If he didn’t feel for her the same as she felt for him, then why act as he did during her health scare?  The way Elsie had described his actions were more than the actions of a mere friend.

Sure that Elsie was asleep, Fia stood up and leaned over to press a light kiss to her forehead.  “I love you, Els,” she whispered.  Turning, she quietly left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar so that she could hear if Elsie had a nightmare, something she knew often happened when her sister was upset.

“Damn and blast the fool anyway,” she growled as she made her way downstairs.  She was thankful that her husband was gone, knowing instinctively that Elsie wouldn’t have stayed if Duncan had been around.  The man had never liked Elsie, had blamed her for so many things that weren’t her fault, things that she couldn’t seem to make him understand she’d taken on herself to protect her sister.  Even her beloved grandda couldn’t convince Duncan Elsie wasn’t to blame.

“Maybe the good doctor will show up again before Duncan comes back.”  It was all she could think of because as sure as her name was Fia, there would be a row with Duncan over Elsie’s presence and Elsie would pack up and leave because too many times in their past she’d been the reason for a row.

 

~*~

 

Charles smiled at the woman standing in front of his desk.  “What is it?” he asked as he stood up and walked around to take her in his arms.  “Having trouble with something again?”

“They don’t like me, Charles.  I’m not her.”  Her lips trembled.  “I heard them talking.  They said that I was the reason she left.”

“Now, Moira.  I’m sure you misunderstood.”  Charles held his wife close, rubbing her back.

“I heard them, plain as day, Charles.  It was your Lady Mary.  Even she doesn’t like me.”

Charles raised an eyebrow at that.  Lady Mary had never been particularly fond of Mrs. Hughes, but to openly complain about her replacement, his wife, he shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I think it’s just that they were used to Mrs. Hughes’ way of doing things.  Once you’ve been here a little longer and learned your way, I’m sure things will settle and be fine.”

Looking up at her husband, Moira studied him.  “Am I the reason she left?  Did you love her?”

“I,” Charles started then frowned.  “I love you, Moira.  What was or wasn’t, doesn’t matter now.  It’s you I married.  It was a huge decision to let us work together.  Lord Grantham doesn’t like change anymore than I do, but we’ve both had to learn that things are different now.  And letting my new wife become the new housekeeper of Downton was a step in that learning curve.”

Moira studied Charles, frowning because he’d evaded the question she’d asked.  Which meant one thing…he had been in love with Elsie Hughes.  “So, if she hadn’t left?  What then?”

“We’d still have been given a cottage.  You would just have been a lady of leisure.”

Moira nodded, knowing that this conversation would get them nowhere if it kept on.  “Fine then, but I’ll not continue to take the abuse.  You’re so close to Lord Grantham, fix it.”

Charles watched her practically storm from the room and sighed as he sat in the chair facing the fire.  His mind kept repeating the question she’d asked him. 

_Did you love her?_

His heart lurched at the answer.

Yes.

I love Elsie.

Too much.

Much too much.

So much so that he found another woman to protect himself.

As long as he lived, Moira would never know him as Elsie Hughes did.

Fear.

Yes, fear.

That’s the reason he’d turned gruff with Elsie.

The reason he’d found another woman and married her.

Elsie could break him.

She’d already broke through the careful walls he’d built up and was etching away at his heart.

He couldn’t let that happen.

He couldn’t let himself feel that deeply.

Feelings, emotions, are what had caused him to leave Downton…to go out on the stage and make a fool of himself.

No.

He was safe with Moira.

And safe he’d stay.

But oh god, he missed Elsie.

He felt his heart lurch at the thought of the pain he’d caused his best friend.

“Selfish man you are, Charlie Carson.”


	4. Chapter 4

“She’s my sister, Duncan!  How many times must we have this argument?”  Fia shouted at her husband who had unfortunately returned home early.

“As many times as it takes for you to get it through your head!  I don’t want that woman in my house!”

“She has nowhere else to go, Duncan!  I’m her sister, her only family.  I’m all she has!  She’s been hurt, Duncan.  I didn’t get to go to her when she had her health scare, I couldn’t turn her away when she came to me in tears.”

“I want her gone.”

Elsie’s voice broke through the shouts.  “I’ll be going now, Fia.  Thank you for letting me rest.”  She gave her sister a trembling smile.

“Els, no.”  Fia whispered as she walked to her sister and clasped her arms.

“I’ll not be the cause of,” Elsie started then shook her head.  “I won’t.  Not again.”

Fia felt tears roll down her cheeks as she pulled her sister into her arms.  “I’m so sorry, Els.  So very sorry.”

Holding her sister close, Elsie fought against her own tears.  “I’ll be alright.  Maybe I’ll get lost along the shore.”

Pulling back, Fia cupped Elsie’s face in her hands.  “Don’t get lost, Els.  At least not so lost that I can’t find you.”

“You’ve a home and family to see to, Fia.  Don’t worry about me.  I’m the past.  I realize that now.”  Moving away from her sister, Elsie picked up her things and looked up at her brother-in-law.  “I won’t be bothering your family again, Duncan.  I caused trouble for my mother, I’ll not be doing that for my sister.”

Fia watched Elsie walk from her home and a sob escaped.  “What have you done, Duncan?” she whispered as she moved to watch her sister walk away through the window.  “I’ve lost my sister.  She’ll not even be writing to me anymore.”

Duncan, hard man that he was, sighed, “Don’t be so dramatic.  She’ll write.  Hasn’t she always?”

Fia turned and stared up at her husband.  “Her heart has never been broken when you’ve rowed in the past.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie, blinded by her tears, ran into a solid mass that reached out to grab her.  “I’m sorry,” she breathed, as she struggled to calm herself.

“Mrs. Hughes, it’s me.  Dr. Clarkson.”  Richard told her as he continued to hold her arms, his hands feeling the tremors that ran through her.  “What is it?” he asked as he took in the bags in her hands.  “Why are you leaving your sister’s in tears?”

Elsie closed her eyes and shook her head.  “Just, let me go, Dr. Clarkson.  Please.  I’ve made a fool of myself in front of you once, no need to do so again.”

Richard sighed, “Mrs. Hughes.  Crying doesn’t make you a fool.  You’ve obviously been hurt, otherwise I doubt I’d have seen your in tears twice within such a short time.”  Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her.  “Wipe your eyes and come along.  I’ve a car waiting.  I’ll take you somewhere and we can talk.”  Smiling at her when she looked up at him, he took back his handkerchief.  “I’d like to think we’re friends, Mrs. Hughes.”

Elsie sniffed as she nodded.  “Very well then.  Just,” she shook her head.  “Take me away from here.”

Taking her bags from her, Richard placed his free hand on the small of her back.  “I can do that.”  Gently leading her out to the waiting car, he helped her in then climbed in after her, her bags being tended to by the driver.  “Where would you like to go?”

“I have nowhere to go, Dr. Clarkson.”

“Come home with me.”  Richard spoke on impulse.

“What?”  Elsie asked in surprise.

“You and I are both at loose ends.  I made a fool of myself with Isobel Crawley because I’m tired of being alone.  You’ve nowhere to go.”

“I can’t live with you.”  Elsie protested.  “We’re not married, and your home isn’t big enough to need a housekeeper.”

“Then marry me.”

“What?”  Elsie asked, eyes wide in surprise once again.

“You need a place to live.  I would like to have someone waiting for me at home.  A companion.  A friend.  Nothing more.”  Taking her hand, Richard tugged so that she looked at him again.  “You don’t really want to live so far from your friends, do you?  I know that Mrs. Patmore is a friend and I know that you and Isobel have grown friendly.  And, aren’t you and Mr. Carson friends?”

Elsie’s breath caught and she turned away.  The tears that had ended, returned and she shook her head.

“Oh.”  Richard breathed.  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hughes.  He’s the reason you left, isn’t he?”  Gently squeezing her hand, he smiled kindly when she looked at him.  “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dr. Clarkson,” she whispered.

“It does matter, Mrs. Hughes.  He’s obviously been a fool.  Seems we men are good at that.”

“Do you really want a companion?  Aren’t you in love with Mrs. Crawley?  Shouldn’t you go home and continue trying?  I’ve means enough to find a place to live.”

Richard shook his head.  “No.  I’m not in love with her.  I just thought I was.  I wanted someone to talk to that understood what a doctor’s life is like.  I promise that I won’t bore you with it.  And I’ve no doubt you’ve saved up enough to find a place to live.  Will it see you through though?”

“I can find work again.”  She sighed then smiled.  “Actually, I’d understand more about your work than you think.  My grandda, Mam’s da, was a doctor and my grandmam a nurse.”

“And did you help him?”

“I did.”  Elsie nodded.  “It’s why I was the one to always take care of the minor things at the Abbey when we didn’t need your attention.”  Her smile faded as she fiddled with the handle of her handbag.  “I lived with my grandparents after Mam died.”

Richard cocked his head and studied her.  There was hurt there, something bad had happened to send her to live with her grandparents.  Choosing to ignore it for now, he smiled at her.  “Does this mean you’re saying yes?  I think we could help each other.”

Elsie chewed her bottom lip a moment then took a deep breath.  “I’ll not go the big house with you when you’re invited to dinner.  It’s not my place.”

“It will be your place once you’re married to me.”

“I’ll not go.”

“Fine then.”

Elsie shrugged then sighed, “Although this is madness, my answer is yes.  What have I to lose?”

“Nothing.  I hope you’ll gain at least a sense of home.”

Feeling her lip tremble, Elsie looked down.  “I’m afraid home is something I’ll never have, Dr. Clarkson.”

Feeling his heart break at the sadness in his companion’s voice, Richard reached out to lift her face.  “It’s Richard now.  And I hope you’ll not mind me calling you Elsie.”

“It’s been a long time since anyone other than my sister has called me Elsie.  I’d welcome it.  Mrs. Hughes no longer exists.”

Richard winked at her.  “Not after she becomes Mrs. Clarkson.”

Elsie laughed slightly at that.  “Thank you for that, Richard.”

“Ah, the wonderful rolled r.  I could get used to that.  It’s been a long time.  You know that you don’t have to temper your brogue with me.”

“I do know.”  Elsie answered.  “I must admit it’ll be nice to hear a good Scottish brogue on a day to day basis, not just when you come for a visit to the big house.”

“Then it’s settled.  Maybe even use a bit of the Gaelic?”

Elsie smiled.  “If I remember it.”

“Ach, Lass.”  Richard laughed and shook his head.  “Ye remember.”

Elsie wiped at a tear and smiled gratefully at Richard.  “Thank you, Richard.  I promise to be a good companion, though as a wife I can’t say as I’ll be any good.”

“Companion is all that I ask, remember?  You’ll be wife in name only.”

She nodded.  “Now…just where do you propose we get married?  And what do we do about the banns?”

“We’ll be married here and I’ll invite your sister.”

“I’ve no sister,” her voice shook as she said the words.

“Yes, you do.  I’ll not let whatever happened take your only family.”

“My brother-in-law doesn’t like me.  He and Fia were arguing.  I’ve been the reason for that sort of thing too many times in the past, I didn’t want to be again.  Duncan won’t like Fia being invited.  I don’t think he’ll let her come.”

“Your sister doesn’t seem like a woman easily controlled in that manner.”

Elsie smiled.  “No, not Fia.  She’s always been the strong one.”

“You’re a strong one too, Elsie.  I saw it when you were facing the wait to tell you if you were dying or not.”

Elsie closed her eyes.  “I wasn’t strong.  I was scared.”

“You were still strong.  You didn’t let yourself fall apart or just give up.  You kept your chin up, kept up with your job, and faced your possible death with a bravery I don’t often see.”  Taking her hand, Richard squeezed it gently.  “You came in by yourself that day, not knowing what the results of the tests were, ready to face me and whatever I had to tell you.”

“I had Beryl waiting for me outside your office.”

“Still.  You left her there.”

Elsie sighed as she let her head fall back against the seat.  “Why were you at my sister’s home again?”

“I was coming to see if you would like to have tea with me after I had made my trip home.  It would have given you a few days with your sister before I interfered.”  He smiled when Elsie looked at him with a raised brow.  “I’ve known you were hurting from the moment we left Yorkshire.  I told you, remember?”

“I must be losing my touch.”  Elsie mumbled.

“No.  I just happen to be very good at reading people.  Besides, you may be able to school your features, but the eyes never lie.”


	5. Chapter 5

Charles scowled as he stared down at the burnt toast and runny porridge.  Every morning since he’d returned from the London season, this had been his breakfast.  His luncheon and dinner wasn’t much better.  Looking over at his wife, he saw the same thing he saw every morning.  A fierce glare aimed his direction because her breakfast mirrored his.

“I’m sorry,” he told Moira, not bothering to whisper as there was no one else in the room.  That had been another change since he’d returned.  Not one of the others came to breakfast anymore.  He couldn’t very well order them all to eat.  He had his suspicions that Mrs. Patmore was feeding them all at different times after he and Moira would go up to do their work, but so far he’d not caught anyone.

“Don’t apologize.”  Moira growled.  “Fix it.”

Charles sighed.  While Mrs. Hughes’ growling, scolding, and arguing had annoyed him, it had also if he admitted it, aroused his senses.  His wife on the other hand, all of that coming from her only annoyed him.  “You know that I’ve tried.”

“Order her.”

“I did.”

“Then tell His Lordship.”

“And sound like a petulant child?”  Charles asked, realizing he’d said the wrong thing the minute the last word left his tongue.

“Are you calling me a petulant child, Charles Edward Carson?”

“I said nothing of the sort, Moira.”

“Bloody woman.”  Moira growled as she stood up and stormed out of the room, the jangling of the keys at her waist only annoying him further.

Charles shook his head.  He wasn’t sure if his wife was talking about Mrs. Patmore or Mrs. Hughes, but he had a sneaking suspicion it was the latter.

“Not hungry this morning, Mr. Carson?”  Beryl asked as she came into the room.

Charles looked up at the woman and scowled at the smirk on her face.  “Hasn’t this gone on long enough?  It’s been a month now.”

Leaning toward him until she was nearly nose to nose, Beryl narrowed her eyes.  “You broke her heart.  You’re the reason she’s gone.  You’re lucky I’ve not poisoned you.”

“Now see here, Mrs. Patmore,” Charles started but was interrupted by Thomas.

“I’m to tell you that Lady Mary wishes to see you in the library, Mr. Carson.”

Charles stood and nodded at Thomas.  “Thank you, Mr. Barrow.”  Rolling his eyes when the man left, he wondered just how much of the conversation with Mrs. Patmore the under-butler had heard.

“I’m sure he heard it all, our Mr. Barrow.  He didn’t much like you before, he likes you even less now that you’re the cause of his one ally leaving.”  Beryl informed the butler before gathering up his and Moira’s plates.  “Wonder what your blessed Lady Mary wants?” she asked, purposefully using Elsie’s name for the young woman.

Charles narrowed his eyes.  “This is getting ridiculous.  I’ll not let this interfere with the running of the house.”

“I don’t see it interfering in the least.  Everyone knows what they’re doing.”  Beryl told him, mumbling, “With the exception of your wife,” on her way out.

Sighing, Charles made his way up the stairs for his meeting with Lady Mary.  “I wonder what she wants?” he muttered to himself, hoping it wasn’t something to do with his wife.  He’d had about enough of dealing with this house’s dislike of the woman.

 

~*~

 

Elsie fidgeted with the ring on her finger.  She still hadn’t gotten used to the gold band being there, though she knew that it would take longer than a mere week for it seem part of her.  Smiling when she felt the hand on her arm, she looked up at the man sitting next to her.  “I’m sorry, Richard.  What was it you were saying?”

“I asked if you were alright.  You seemed miles away.”

“Just thinking.  Have I thanked you for everything you’ve done for me the last month?”

“You have, and I’ve told you there’s no need.  You’ve helped me, so that’s the end of it.”

Elsie nodded and looked down at her lap.  “I still can’t believe you stood up to Duncan like that.”  She shook her head and looked back up.  “He’s not used to anyone defending me other than Fia, and I won’t let her do much because I,” she shook her head.

“Elsie, what is it that always makes you stop when you start to talk about that?”

“I don’t like causing rows,” was her answer.

Richard sighed as he nodded, knowing the woman well enough to know that pushing would only cause her temper to flare.  He’d seen that temper in full force and the last thing he wanted was it aimed at him.  “When we get home, I’ll arrange to have someone go for your things.  I want you to have them around you to make you more comfortable.”

Elsie was thankful Richard hadn’t pushed for more of an answer to his question, that wasn’t something she wanted to share with anyone.  Not even, she stopped the thought before she finished it.  That was in the past as well.  She had to get over it.  “Thank you.  I’m sure it’ll cause a stir.”

“I can tell them not to say where your things are going, if you’d like.”

“This is a small village, you know how news travels.  It won’t matter if they do or don’t say where they’re taking my things.”  Elsie sighed as she saw the scenery starting to become more focused out her window.  “We’re nearly there.”

“We are.”  Squeezing her arm, Richard smiled at her when she looked at him.  “People will be shocked, but they’ll get over it soon enough.  It’s going to be alright, Elsie.”

Elsie nodded and swallowed down the tears that threatened.  “Gun’-ro mah’ak-ut,” she whispered.

Richard blinked in surprise at his reaction to hearing Elsie speak in their native tongue.  Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, he smiled at her.  “No need for thanks.”

“I’m still grateful.”  Elsie told him, trying not to chuckle at his reaction.  Looking down at her shoes when the train came to a full stop, she took a deep breath to steady herself.  “Would you mind if I took a walk?”

“You don’t have to ask my permission, Elsie.  I only ask that you let me know so that I don’t worry.”

Elsie nodded.  “You’ll have to give me time.  I’ve lived my life at the beck and call of others since I was a teenager, and,” she shook her head.  “Just give me time.”

“We’re both going to need time to adjust.”  Richard smiled at her as he stood and helped her gather their things.  “It’s been a long time since I’ve lived with someone else, and I wasn’t good at it the first time.”

“I’m sure she loved you.”  Elsie assured him softly.

“Yes, we were in love, but she didn’t love my job.”

“I’m sorry, Richard.”  Elsie told him as she took his offered arm.

“Will you help me, Elsie?  Help me with the few that come to my home for treatment?”  He frowned and shook his head.  “Our home.”

Elsie nodded.  “I’ll help any way that I can.”

 

~*~

 

Matthew was startled to see the doctor and former housekeeper walking across the train platform together.  He’d thought Mrs. Hughes had gone back home to Scotland to stay.  “Dr. Clarkson.  Mrs. Hughes!” he called out as he walked toward them.

Richard felt Elsie’s hand tense on his arm and looked down at her.  “If he asks, what do you want to tell him?”

“The truth.  He’ll know soon enough.”

Richard nodded and looked up with Matthew stopped in front of them.  “Mr. Crawley.”

“Mrs. Hughes, I thought you were staying in Scotland.  Mrs. Patmore will be happy to learn you’ve returned.”  He wisely didn’t mention anything else about Downton, knowing from Mary and the others that it was because of Mr. Carson that the housekeeper had left, which was the reason why he’d not mentioned her sister being ill…he knew it had only been a lie so that no one would know the real reason she was leaving, though it hadn’t taken much for the women of the family to realize.

“I had planned to stay, but things changed.”  Elsie answered vaguely.

Matthew nodded, not one to pry into another’s business.  “Would you like me to give Mrs. Patmore a message?  Her half day is still Thursday.”

Elsie smiled at the young man, grateful for his tact and kindness.  “Thank you, no.  I’ll just send a message with a boy from the village after I’ve settled.”

“Fine then.”  Tipping his hat, he gave the couple a small smile.  “I really must be going or I’ll miss my train.  Dr. Clarkson, Mother has a few things she needs to discuss with you.”  He shrugged at the look the doctor gave him.  “Just thought I’d give you a small warning.”

Richard chuckled at that.  “Thank you, Mr. Crawley.  Good day.”

Elsie relaxed when Matthew disappeared into the crowd.  “The young man has tact.”

“Yes, he does, but I’m sure he’ll mention seeing us to his wife.”

“And his mother.”  Elsie whispered as she looked up at Richard, studying his face.

“I told you, Elsie.  There’s nothing.  It’s your friendship with her I don’t want to see damaged.”  Gently nudging her to follow him, Richard walked toward a porter.  “I’ll ask the porter about someone to go and get your things from the Abbey.  If any one knows the best person, he will.”

Elsie sighed, weary from the journey and with the thoughts of what was going to happen when people learned about her marriage.  “I don’t think my friendship with Mrs. Crawley will affected.  I’m more worried about,” she frowned and shook her head.

“Ah.”  Richard nodded.  “I understand.  Just a moment.”

Elsie let go of Richard’s arm and watched as he talked to the young man by the station house.  She had thought she wanted to take a walk to give herself time to think, but now all she wanted to do was go home.  She hoped that they didn’t run into anyone else from the Abbey before they made it to the cottage because she didn’t think she could face another person she’d worked for, or with, whichever the case may be.  And she knew that she was in no shape to be facing _himself_. 

“Elsie?”  Richard whispered as he stopped next to her.  “Are you alright?”

Elsie closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them again and looking at her husband.  “I’m so very tired, Richard.  Could we go now?”

Richard knew what his wife was worried about.  Truth be told, he was worried about it himself.  She didn’t think he knew, but he’d heard her crying at night when she’d thought him to be asleep across the hall.  His sister had been kind enough to take them in, and had understood when he’d explained the situation, so she hadn’t questioned him about Elsie’s crying.  He wasn’t surprised that Elsie no longer wanted to take a walk.

“We can go,” he finally answered her question.  “You’ll have your things later this evening, and not a word will be said about where they’re going.  It’s no sense telling people until there’s a reason.  They’ll find out soon enough on their own.”

Elsie smiled gratefully up at Richard as she took his offered arm.  “Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Elsie smiled at her friend when she opened the door.  “Beryl,” she whispered.

Beryl returned the smile as she walked inside and reached up to remove her hat.  “It’s good to see you smile.  Why have you taken so long to send for me?”

“I needed to get settled.  Being married is still something I’m adjusting to.”

“You can imagine my shock when we learned of that.  And in church of all places.  You could have at least sent me a note.”  Beryl scolded gently.

“I’m sorry.  I should have but,” Elsie bit her lip.

“You didn’t want _himself_ to find out where you were living before you were ready.”

“I’m sorry.”  Elsie led Beryl further inside to the kitchen.  “Tea?”

“Please.  I’ve brought you some chocolate biscuits.”

“Oh Beryl, you didn’t have to.”  Elsie smiled.  “But I’m grateful.  I’m a fine enough cook, but I can’t make biscuits to save myself.”

Beryl chuckled as she sat down at the table and unwrapped the package of biscuits she’d brought.  “Well then I’ll have to keep you supplied with them.  Or I can teach you how to make them yourself.”

Elsie smiled as she put the tea things on the table.  “I’d appreciate it.  It’s been years since I’ve done anything in the kitchen.”

“Then I’ll help you remember.”  Beryl sipped her tea.  “Now, tell me how this came about,” she whispered as she arched her hand about the room.

“He needed a companion, I needed a place to live.”

“I thought you were going to stay with your sister a bit.”

“I was, but her man,” Elsie shook her head.

“Start from the beginning.”

Elsie sighed, “Richard was leaving on the same train I was.  He could tell that I was upset and decided we would travel together.  Stubborn man.”

Beryl smirked at that.  “Must be where he comes from.”

“Oh.”  Elsie huffed and shook her head with a slight smile at the truth of it.  “I tried to tell him he couldn’t trade my ticket in for one to match the class he was traveling in, but he reminded me that he was every bit the stubborn Scot I am.  I couldn’t do much more than give in.”

“Good.”

Elsie wrinkled her nose at Beryl before taking a sip of her tea and then continuing.  “I was a mess, but his presence helped.  My sister did what she could, but her man returned early and well, he doesn’t like me.  I left and ran into Richard, literally.  He once again took pity on me and one thing led to another in our conversation.  He realized that I’d left because of,”

“That blasted man.”  Beryl supplied.

“And then before I knew what was happening, Richard was asking me to come back with him, to live with him.  When I protested, he said to live with him as his wife, a companion.”

“So you’re only his companion?”

“Beryl!  Of course that’s all there is!”

“I’m only asking.  He is a man after all.”

“But he’s not like that.”  Elsie whispered.  “He’s been very good to me, Beryl.  He’s no more in love with me than I am with him.  He’s just a friend.”

“What’s love to do with things?”

“Love has a lot to do with things.”  Elsie sighed.  “Is she beautiful?”

Beryl blinked at the change in subject then scowled.  “No.”

“You aren’t just saying that because she replaced me, are you?”

“I’m not.  She’s plain compared to you.  Even O’Brien has said as much.”

Elsie raised an eyebrow at that.  “O’Brien?”

“O’Brien.”  Beryl nodded.  “She’s no happier with the man than any of the rest of us.  It’s a right mess downstairs these days.”

“You aren’t being mean to him, are you?”

“Of course I am.  He’s lucky I haven’t poisoned him.  As it is, he hasn’t had a decent meal since you left.  Neither has that wife of his.”

Elsie looked down at that.  Tears had filled her eyes and she didn’t want her friend to see her weakness.  “Wife,” she breathed.

“I’m sorry.  I thought you knew.”

“I did.  It doesn’t mean that,” she shook her head.

Beryl reached across the table and squeezed Elsie’s hand.  “He’s a fool, Elsie.”

“What else is going on at Downton?”

“No one goes to meals anymore.  It’s just him and his missus.”

“Oh Beryl, you mustn’t disrupt things for me.”

“I didn’t.  I think they all did it on their own.  I don’t know that any one person went to everyone and came up with the plan.”

“Please, for me?  Fix the mess.  Get them all to go back to the order of things.  Only, don’t let them know I asked.”

“Oh Elsie.  How can you still love him?  He broke your heart.”

“Yes, he did, but I can’t help that I love him.  I’ll get over it in time, but,” she shrugged.  “Besides, it’s more for the order of things than for him that I’m asking.”

“Mmm hmm.”  Beryl murmured.  “I’ll do as you ask.  Bates should be of some help.”

“Thank you.”

“Now,” Beryl patted Elsie’s hand.  “What does Mrs. Crawley think?  Wasn’t she a bit sweet on the good doctor?”

“I haven’t seen her to know what she thinks.”

“Well hasn’t Dr. Clarkson seen her at the hospital?”

“He has, but he hasn’t said anything about her reaction.  Maybe she doesn’t know.  She wasn’t at church that Sunday.”

“Oh Elsie.”

“I know.”  Elsie shrugged.  “I’m not sure why she hasn’t said anything.”

“Elsie!”  Richard called as he came in the front door, interrupting their chat.

“In the kitchen.”  Elsie called back.

“Oh, hello, Mrs. Patmore.”  Richard smiled at the cook.  “I didn’t know you were here.  I’m sorry to interrupt.”

Beryl waved her hand in dismissal.  “Just a bit of girl talk, nothing to worry about.”

Elsie shook her head at Beryl then looked back at Richard.  “What brings you home so early in the day?  Is something wrong?”

“I have to go out to the Jamison farm.”

“Baby?”

“Yes.”  Richard nodded.  “I have no idea when I’ll be home, so don’t hold dinner for me.”

“I’ll leave something warming in the oven then.”

“Thank you.”  Richard smiled at her.  “Oh, before I forget.”

“Yes?”

“Isobel wanted me to tell you she’ll be by later this afternoon.”

“Oh.”  Elsie sighed and worried her bottom lip.  “Did she seem upset?”

“No.  But you know how I am reading women.  Typical male.”

Elsie shook her head at him.  “Go on with you.  It’ll be alright.”

“I’ll be here just in case.”  Beryl spoke up, smiling when the doctor nodded his head at her in appreciation. 

“I don’t think I’ll need protection, but thank you for it.”  Elsie shook her head.  “Be careful.”

“I will be.  Enjoy your visit.” 

Elsie watched him leave then turned back to Beryl.  “I hope things go alright with Mrs. Jamison.  She’s been having difficulties.”

“I wonder why he doesn’t take someone with him?  Like Mrs. Crawley for instance.”

“I’m sure the midwife is there, she’ll help him.”

“Stop worrying your lip.”  Beryl scolded.  “I’m going to be here.  Surely Mrs. Crawley won’t cause a scene with someone else here.”

Elsie looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow.  “We are talking about the same Mrs. Crawley, aren’t we?”

Beryl laughed at that.  “Right.”

“You really don’t have to stay.  I know you must have other things to do with your time off.”

Beryl shook her head.  “I’ve nothing else to do but this right here.  I made sure of it.”

Elsie smiled.  “Thank you.  I have missed you.”

“I’ve missed you.  I’d grown quite fond of our friendship.”

“So had I.”

“Well, since I’m here for the afternoon, would you like me to show you how to make your favorite biscuits?”

Elsie smiled and shook her head.  “No.  I don’t have everything we’ll need.”

“Well it wouldn’t hurt to go for a walk to the store.”

“No, it wouldn’t, but remember?  I’m to expect company.”

“Oh, right.  Well, then, tell me more about you.”  Beryl smiled when Elsie looked at her a bit shocked.  “What?  I don’t know Elsie.  I know Mrs. Hughes.  Only, you aren’t Mrs. Hughes anymore.”

 

~*~

 

“Isobel.”  Elsie greeted the woman as she moved to let her in.

“Before things go further, I only want to say, I’m not in the least upset.”  Isobel smiled at her friend.  “At least not about the marriage.  I’m quite upset at that imbecile at Downton.”

Beryl snorted and called from the kitchen.  “I can think of far worse things to call _himself_.”

“Beryl!”  Elsie shouted then looked at Isobel.  “I hope you don’t mind.  She didn’t want me to be alone.  Neither did Richard, come to think of it.”

Isobel chuckled, “Don’t they think you can hold your own?  I’m sure I wouldn’t be ignorant enough to cross you.  I’ve seen that temper.”

“Oh.”  Elsie huffed and Beryl laughed.

“Hello, Mrs. Crawley.”  Beryl greeted as the two women came into the kitchen.  “I was just fixing more tea, would you care for a cup?  I’ve brought some chocolate biscuits.”

“Ooh.”  Isobel hummed her pleasure.  “I love those.  By far the best in the village.  Or anywhere, I’d dare say.”  She smiled at Beryl.  “I would love a cup of tea.  And, while we’re here in Elsie’s home, I’m Isobel.”

Beryl smiled.  “Then I’m Beryl.  I hate being Mrs. Patmore all the time.  Makes one forget what their given name sounds like.”

Isobel laughed and nodded.  “True.”

Elsie sighed as they settled around the table.  “Thank you.”

“For?”  Isobel asked.

“For not being angry.”

“Why would I be angry?  The doctor and I had no understanding.”

“But,” Elsie started.

“Everyone thought you fancied the man.”  Beryl supplied.

“As a friend, nothing more.”  Isobel told them.  “I don’t want to be married again.  I’m perfectly happy being my own woman.  I loved my husband, I can’t think of replacing him.”

Elsie nodded.  “My grandmam felt that way.”

“I’m enjoying the freedom to go and be and do whatever I like.”

“Richard will be happy to know that our friendship is still intact.”

“He was worried about that?”

“He was.  He told me he didn’t care if you were angry with him, it was our friendship remaining that he cared about.”

“He’s a good man, Dr. Clarkson is.”  Beryl growled before continuing.  “Better than,”

“Don’t.”  Elsie stopped her.  “He’s a good man.  It isn’t his fault that I feel for him more than he feels for me.”

“Don’t.”  Beryl copied.  “It _is_ his fault that he led you to believe that he _did_ feel the same.”

“I agree.”  Isobel chimed in.  “Although, I must say, from what I’ve heard, his choice hasn’t been one that’s provided him with any amount of satisfaction.”

Beryl laughed at that.  “Oh, she’s not provided him with anything but frustration.”

“Well, you’ve not helped.”  Elsie scolded softly.

“And I’ll not be.  I promised to put things back to rights as far as the proper order of things go, but that’s all.”

“And rightfully so.  Even Lady Mary is cross with him.”  Isobel chuckled at the look on Elsie’s face.

“The blessed girl is cross with him?  Over me?”  Elsie asked incredulously.

“She is.  The whole household is.  They don’t like the new housekeeper.”  Beryl raised an eyebrow.  “She let me have the key to the store cupboard.”

“She what?”  Elsie asked, her voice rising in pitch.

Beryl laughed and winked at Isobel.  “Exactly.  I of course put it back, but still.”

“Oh my.”  Elsie breathed.

Isobel laughed, “That I take it was something you two fought over?”

“Often.”  Both women answered then laughed.

Beryl heard the clock chime and sighed, “I’m afraid I must be going.  I don’t wish to be out after dark.”

Isobel reached over and patted the woman’s hand.  “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, Beryl.  We must do this again.  I don’t have friends other than Elsie.”

“I have half of every other Thursday off and the whole of every other Tuesday.”

“Then we’ll have to make this a regular thing if Elsie doesn’t mind.  We could meet at my home on occasion.”

“Oh no.”  Elsie shook her head.  “I’ll not have your maid serving me.”

“Then I’ll simply give her that day off.”  Isobel looked at her friend.  “I may not be a kindred Scot, but I can be every bit as stubborn.”

“So we’ve noticed.”  Beryl mumbled with a grin causing the other ladies to laugh.

“I suppose my rows with the Dowager have become legendary.”

“Quite.”  Beryl nodded as she stood.  “Next week, Elsie, have the things you need for anything you’d like me to help you learn to bake or cook.  I’ll come on Tuesday and we’ll have the whole day.”

Elsie walked with Beryl to the door.  “I will.  Thank you, Beryl.”

“I’ve had fun.  It’s been a while.  And I’ll keep my promise.”

“Thank you.”  Elsie whispered as Beryl walked out the door.  Sighing when she turned and found Isobel staring at her, she shrugged.  “What?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I still love him.”


	7. Chapter 7

Richard had just finished the last bite of his supper when he heard a cry from upstairs.  It startled him into not moving, another cry bringing him about and making him rush upstairs.  Opening Elsie’s bedroom door, he moved to her side, his heart clenching at the sight of her tossing about and crying out.

Sitting beside her, he gently clasped her wrists so she wouldn’t hurt either of them.  Calling her name, he smiled at her when her eyes opened.  “Easy, Lass,” he said in a low, calming tone.

Elsie blinked and looked about then back at Richard.  “Richard?”

“Yes.  You were having a bad dream,” he answered her question as he released her wrists.  “I’ll be going now.”

Elsie sighed as she watched him stand up.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  Blinking to clear her mind more, she noticed he was still fully clothed.  “Did you just get home?”

“I did.” 

“Bairn?  Mrs. Jamison?”

Richard smiled at the concern in her voice.  “Both are doing fine.”

“Boy?  Girl?”

“A girl.”

“Oh, I’m glad of it.  Mrs. Jamison said she was hoping for a wee lassie.”

Richard couldn’t help it, he chuckled and gave her a broad smile.  “Thank you for that, Elsie.”

“For what?”  Elsie asked a bit confused.

“That lilting voice of yours.  I know you’re okay and I can go to bed and rest easy.”

Elsie smiled.  “Thank you for caring, Richard.  I’m sorry to have disturbed you so.”

“No need to apologize.  You didn’t disturb me.  Startled me, and then worried me a bit, but nothing more.  Now go back to sleep.  I’m not going out as early as I usually do so we can both have a bit of a lie in.”

Her eyes already closing, Elsie nodded slightly.  “Good night,” she murmured.

Richard stood watching her a moment, satisfied that she was going to be okay, he quietly left the room and closed the door behind him.  He hadn’t pushed her about her dream, which he knew had been the right thing to do, no matter how badly he had wanted to know what was disturbing her sleep.

This was the third time he’d woke her from a nightmare since they’d come home.  He knew at some point he was going to have to risk her wrath and press her for answers because whatever it was would continue to disturb her sleep as long as she held it within herself.

Going back downstairs, he went to the kitchen and cleaned up his mess, not wanting to leave the work for Elsie to do when she got up, which he knew would be before him, no matter that he’d told her to have a bit of a lie in.

“Stubborn woman,” he mumbled as he turned out the lights and made his way upstairs to his bedroom, reminding himself to ask Elsie about how her visit with Isobel had gone.

 

~*~

 

“Charles, come to bed.”  Moira called as she came out of their bedroom.  Finding him sitting staring into the dying fire in the sitting room, she sighed, “You’ve been doing that same thing night after night since the announcement at church on Sunday.  Tell me the truth, Charles.  Did you love her?”

Charles looked up at Moira then back into the fire.  “Yes.”

“You still love her.”  Moira whispered as she sat down across from him.  “Why did you marry me?”

“Moira.”  Charles whispered, not wanting to discuss this.

“No.  I’m tired of dancing around this.  She’s in everything we do.  She still walks the halls of Downton and I trod on her feet every day I’m there.  They hate me, Charles.  They hate me because they think that I took you away from her, but I didn’t.  I knew nothing of her until you brought me here.”  Moira swallowed back the tears.  “You say you love me, but you’re not in love with me.  Stop lying to yourself and to me.”

Charles looked across the room at the woman he’d married.  “I’m sorry, Moira.  I thought I could love you enough to make you happy.  I never dreamed they would treat you this way.  I’ll talk to His Lordship tomorrow.  We’ll leave if you like.  Or, you can leave.  I won’t argue if you want to end this.”

Moira blinked in surprise.  Pushing herself up from the chair, she walked to where Charles was and sat beside him on the settee.  “I don’t want to end this.  You may not love me, but I do love you.”  Touching his arm to get him to look at her, she held his dark gaze.  “I do love you, Charles, but I can’t go on like this.  I’m not a mean and nasty woman, but since coming here, that’s what I’ve become because every minute, hour, of every day, all I hear is that I’m not her.  I’ve learned my job, Charles, I know what I’m doing, yet it’s never good enough.  You have to help me with them.”

“I believe someone has already started,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone came to dinner tonight and our meal was good.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

“This is the first time we’ve not been alone at the table for a meal since we came back from London.  And it’s most definitely the finest meal we’ve had.”

“Oh.”  Moira frowned.  “I still don’t think I understand.”

“Mrs. Patmore went to the village today.”

“As she has done every other Thursday afternoon since I’ve been at Downton.”

“But she wasn’t running errands this time.  She was visiting.”

Moira finally understood and sighed, “So Mrs. Clarkson is responsible.”

Charles shuddered at the name before responding.  “Yes, though I believe she asked Mrs. Patmore not to tell anyone of her involvement.”

“But why would she do that, Charles?  She’s married.  It’s obvious she doesn’t care for you.”

“It’s nothing of the sort, Moira.  She’s married in name only.”

“And you know this how?”

Charles looked down at his hands.  “Because I broke her heart, Moira.”

Tears rolling down her cheeks, Moira laid her hand over his.  “You’ve broken all of our hearts,” she whispered before getting up and going back to their bedroom.

Charles looked up in time to see her figure disappear into the darkened room.  His heart hurt.  He’d married another woman to protect himself, yet all he’d done was hurt not only himself, but Elsie and Moira as well.

“What a mess you’ve made of things, Charlie Carson.”

 

~*~

 

“I still can’t believe he brought that woman into this house.”  Mary scowled as she watched Matthew finish buttoning up his pajama shirt.

“I heard from Molesley that Bates and Mrs. Patmore asked everyone to return to the proper order of things.  He said that the Carsons actually had a decent meal tonight along with the rest of them.”

Mary’s eyebrow raised at that bit of news.  “What?  I wonder why Anna didn’t say anything.”

“Probably because she’s just a bit put out with Bates.”

Mary nodded.  “She always was very close to Mrs. Hughes.”  She frowned.  “Mrs. Clarkson.”

“I never thought they were married when I saw them getting off the train.”  Matthew mumbled as he shook his head.

“It’s very surprising.  I thought she loved Carson.  That _is_ the reason why she left.”

Matthew climbed into bed and settled next to his wife.  “Mary, think.”  He smiled when she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  “Did the Clarksons look like a couple in love at church that Sunday?  Or any Sunday thereafter?”

Mary studied on his words a moment then nodded.  “Ah.”

“Exactly.  Dr. Clarkson asked Mother to marry him, or rather was going to, but she stopped him.  He’s lonely.  Mrs. Hughes, err, Clarkson,” Matthew scowled at the giggle Mary let slip.  “Hush.”

“We’re never going to remember she’s Mrs. Clarkson.”

“We will in time, when the shock has worn off.”

“Anyway, I know what you were saying.  He was lonely, she was heartbroken and needed a home.  Although, why didn’t she stay with her sister?”

“From what Mother told me, the sister’s husband doesn’t like Mrs. Clarkson,” he paused to smirk, earning him an half hearted elbow in the ribs.  “There was a row and she left to keep it from going further.”

Mary sighed, “I just wish Carson hadn’t been such a,”

“Fool?”  Matthew filled in for her.

Mary nodded then continued, “I don’t understand why he didn’t just marry the woman.”

“Maybe he doesn’t love her.”

“Oh Matthew, really.”  Mary scoffed.  “The person he doesn’t love is his wife.  I’ve known our butler loved our housekeeper since I was a young girl.”

“Then I don’t know, and I’m afraid we’ll never know.  Our Carson isn’t forthcoming when it comes to his personal life.”

“Well I shan’t be changing the way I feel about Mrs. Carson.  No matter how the servants have changed.”

Matthew sighed, “Not even for your beloved Carson?”

Mary glared at him for that one.  “He’ll have to do some explaining first.”

 

~*~

 

“Anna, I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t understand, John.”

“She asked, Anna.  We weren’t supposed to know, but who else would have spurred Mrs. Patmore into making such a request?”

Anna felt her lip tremble.  “But why would she do that?  He hurt her.  He’s the reason she’s gone.”

Pulling his wife into his arms, John held her close.  “I know you miss her.  We all do.  She was a very dear friend to me.”

“Do you understand?”

“I think I do.”  John caressed the tears from Anna’s cheeks.  “She loves him, Anna.  It doesn’t matter that he hurt her, broke her heart, she loves him.  She knows that the way things were would bother him because that’s not the proper order of things.  She’d ask the upstairs to treat Mrs. Carson better if she could, I’m sure, just because she knows that it upsets him.”

Anna sighed as she settle into John’s arms after blowing out the lamp.  “I do miss her.  She taught me everything I know.  She,”

“She was a mother when yours was so far away.”

“Yes.  Do you think we might go visit her?”

“We’ll ask Mrs. Patmore to ask Mrs. Clarkson if it would be alright.”

Kissing his jaw, Anna settled back against him and sighed, “Thank you.  I love you.”

John smiled as he pressed a kiss to her head.  “I love you, my sweet Anna.”

 

~*~

 

Robert paced by the window, his hands behind his back.  He couldn’t understand the mess Carson had made of things.  He’d always thought the man to be one of the smartest men he knew, but what he’d done just in the last months, he shook his head.

“Robert, Darling, do stop pacing and come to bed.”  Cora grumbled.  “You’re making me positively dizzy.”

“Then stop watching.  I can’t think if I’m not pacing.”

“What is there to think about?”  Cora asked.

Robert looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  “What is there to think about?  Cora, we’ve a housekeeper that none of us cares for, but we can’t exactly sack her because she’s married to our butler who we couldn’t live without.”

Cora shrugged.  “O’Brien said things below stairs have righted themselves.  She said that Mrs. Patmore and Bates suggested that they all go back to doing things properly.”

Robert raised an eyebrow again.  “But isn’t Mrs. Patmore the one that’s been feeding the Carsons such lousy meals?”

Cora nodded.  “She is.  And I said as much to O’Brien.”

“Why didn’t Bates mention any of this, I wonder?”

“Maybe because he’s protecting someone.”

Robert frowned.  “Who?  Surely you don’t mean Anna.  What would she need protecting for?”

Cora sighed, “Not Anna.”

“I can’t think of anyone that he,” Robert paused as it slowly clicked with him.  “Oh.”

“Yes.  She’s had a hand in fixing things.”  A sad smile played on Cora’s lips.  “Our dear Mrs. Hughes is still taking care of us.”

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Robert corrected gently as he slid into bed beside his wife.  “I still find it shocking that she married the doctor.”

“I don’t.  He’s a companion for a lonely, broken hearted soul.  I’m sure she’s nothing more than just his housekeeper.”

“Then why marry her?”

“She couldn’t very well live with him.  His home isn’t big enough to warrant a live in housekeeper.”

“Well then she could have taken a place in the village.”

“Robert.”  Cora sighed.  “She’s never lived on her own.  She’s always worked, but she also had to consider her meager funds.  I’m positive she’s saved some, but it wouldn’t be enough to see her through for long.”  Settling against Robert’s chest, she continued, “Our doctor is a kind man, and I’m sure he saw the hurt she must be in and took pity on her.”

“I still don’t understand Carson.”

“None of us do, Darling.  Mary is very disappointed.”

“I’ve noticed.  That can’t be setting well with Carson.  He’s quite fond of our Mary.”

“Always has been.  And from what I’ve seen of Carson, he isn’t happy.”

“No, he isn’t.”

“Of course how could he be?  His other half is gone.”


	8. Chapter 8

Elsie stepped inside the tea shop and unwrapped the scarf from around her neck, thankful to be inside.  That is, she was until she looked up and straight into the dark eyes of Charles Carson.

“Mrs. Hugh…Clarkson.”  Charles stuttered over the name.

“Mr. Carson.”  Elsie whispered and tried to walk past.

“I haven’t seen you about outside of church.”

“You forget that I know your days off, Mr. Carson.”

Charles nodded, conceding the point.  “So you’ve been avoiding me then.”

“Mr. Carson, is this really a discussion we need to be having so publically?”  Elsie shook her head.  “It isn’t a discussion we need to be having at all.  You made your choice.  I made mine.  Now please excuse me.”

Reaching out, Charles clasped her elbow to stop her.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Elsie,” he whispered.

Feeling her temper flare, Elsie took a deep breath.  “You’ve no right to touch me or call me by my given name,” she hissed.  “Not anymore,” she added in a voice so soft he nearly didn’t hear it.

“Can’t we still be friends?”

“You hurt me, Mr. Carson.  Anything I might have felt, died the day I saw you with your wife in London.”

Charles blinked.  “You saw us?”

“Let me pass, please.”

“Mrs. Clarkson,” the shop clerk called out.  “It’s so good to see you.”

Charles knew that he had to let her pass now.  Moving, he watched as Elsie walked away.  Seeing her interaction with the shop clerk, he sighed as he tucked his package into his pocket then pulled his gloves back on and stepped outside.

Elsie heard the bell on the door as he left, and shivered.  Everyone around her, she knew, would assume the reaction was from the cold air that had snuck inside.  It wasn’t.  Mentally fortifying herself against the barrage of emotions, she smiled at the store clerk as she took the package being handed to her.  “Thank you,” she told the young woman softly.  “Dr. Clarkson would be a bit put out if his favorite tea wasn’t waiting for him this evening.”

“Oh I’m sure the good doctor couldn’t possibly be put out with you, Mrs. Clarkson,” the young woman whispered.  “You’re his new bride.”

Elsie nodded.  “Indeed I am.”  There was no need to dispel the young woman’s notions of romance.

 

~*~

 

Richard walked into the cottage, having heard about the confrontation between his wife and the butler of Downton.  He was almost sure of what he’d find, and cursed the man.  Why couldn’t he have left her alone?  She’d been slowly getting over the heart break and had started smiling and laughing more now that so many months had passed.  He found he was growing quite fond of the gentle smile, and the quiet laughter.

Hearing the sounds coming from the sitting room, he again cursed Charles Carson.  Taking off his coat and hat, he hung them up then hurried in to see if he could comfort his wife.

Elsie heard the front door and tried to stifle her crying, but it would seem that the heart break had returned full force, and she couldn’t control herself.  Which angered her and only added to the misery she found herself in.  “Please,” she pleaded when she heard Richard walk into the room.

“I’ll not leave you alone, if that’s what ye be asking.”  Richard’s brogue thickened as he moved to kneel in front of Elsie.  “What have I told you about crying?” he asked as he placed a hand over hers.

“That it’s good for me once in a while.”

Richard nodded and smiled when she scowled at him.  “Ah.  None of that, Mrs. Clarkson,” he gently scolded.  “You’ve buried it in your soul, let it out, so you can finish healing.”

Looking down at his hand over hers, Elsie felt a sob escaping.  “If he’d only left me alone,” she managed around another sob.

“That’s it, Lass.  Let it all out.”  Richard whispered as he gently squeezed her hands.

Elsie turned a hand over and clasped his, holding to the one thing that had kept her from doing as she’d told her sister…getting lost.  A half chuckle, half sob escaped when she felt Richard wiping at her cheeks with his handkerchief.  “I feel a fool,” she muttered.

“Now, Lass.”

“Here I am, married to a very kind soul, and crying over another man in the sitting room of our home.”

Richard shook his head.  “Elsie, if I had been under the assumption that we were in love when we married, having my wife crying over another man would be cause for concern.”  Tugging at her hand, he smiled gently at her when she finally looked up at him.  “But I wasn’t under that assumption.”

“You really are a wonderful man, Richard Clarkson.”

“And a man who finds the sight of his friend crying upsetting because I know that she’s hurting.”

“He,” she started then sighed as she looked away.  “He wouldn’t let me pass.  I tried to stop it from happening, but he just wouldn’t let it go.  He wanted us to be friends again.  It’s as though he doesn’t understand that he,”

“Ripped your heart out of your chest?”

“No, just broke it a bit.”  Laughing when Richard held the soft cloth to her nose, she held his gaze as she dutifully blew, returning his smile when he pulled away.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

Richard winked at her.  “You’re welcome.  Now.  Will you be alright for me to return to the hospital for a few more hours?”

“I’ll be fine.  I’m sorry to have disturbed your day.”

“Ah.”  He held up a hand as he stood up.  “None of that.  I’m your husband and your friend, both of which require me to stop what I’m doing if I can and come to check on you when I hear that you’ve been upset.”

“Well, now that you’ve done your duty,” she winked at him.  “Go on back to your work.  I won’t be alone for long anyway.  I’m sure Isobel has heard by now and will be visiting at some point.”

Richard chuckled as he held out his hand to help Elsie stand so she could follow him.  Putting on his coat, he winked at her as he buttoned it.  “She’ll have his head.”

“I’m going to try and talk her out of that.”

“It’ll do you no good, Lass.”

Handing him his hat, Elsie sighed, “I know.  But it’ll do no good to have his head, either.  What’s done is done.”

“Yes.”  Richard studied her and wondered if he should finish his thought.

“What is it?”  Elsie asked when she noticed how he was studying her.

“I was only thinking that the fool’s loss is my gain.”  He smiled at her startled look.  “I’ve grown very fond of having you here, Elsie, something that wouldn’t have happened if Carson hadn’t been a fool.  The only thing I’m sorry for, is that your heart was broken in the process.”

Touching his arm as he reached out to open the door, Elsie smiled at him when he paused to look at her.  “Thank you for that.”

 

~*~

 

Isobel scowled up at Carson.  “How dare you,” she hissed.

“Mrs. Crawley,” Charles tried to stop her tirade without overstepping boundaries.

“Don’t Mrs. Crawley me.”

“I was only trying to say, Ma’am, that I don’t,”

Isobel held up her hand to stop him.  “No.  Don’t do that, either.  I’ve always admired you, Mr. Carson.  Your strength of character, your unwavering devotion.  Now,” she shook her head.  “Now I only think you a fool.  You broke her heart.  You’re the reason she left her job, her home.  Why couldn’t you have just continued on your way today?”

Carson sighed after she finished her barrage.  “I wasn’t thinking,” he muttered.

“Oh yes you were.”  Isobel scowled.  “You were thinking of yourself.  Leave her alone, Carson.  Leave her alone.  You’ve a wife and your life here.  Let Elsie get on with hers.”

Carson watched Isobel storm out of the library and sighed when Lady Edith came in.  He wondered how much she’d overheard.

“Really, Carson.”  Edith shook her head.  “Why did you do it?  We loved Mrs. Hughes, well, Mrs. Clarkson.”

“I’m sorry, My Lady.”

“I’m not the one to be sorry to, now am I?  Though after what I just heard,” she frowned.  “You shouldn’t bother Mrs. Clarkson anymore.  I know that it’s a small village, but do try and avoid another bit like today, hmm?  I’ve heard nothing but whispers about it since it happened.  Evidently one of the scullery maids was on an errand in the village for Mrs. Patmore, who you might want to avoid as much as possible.  Anna tells me our cook is rather put out with you at the moment.”

Carson bowed his head to the lady then left the room, pinching the bridge of his nose as he made his way across the entry hall.  A bit of fresh air, no matter how cold, would do him good.

“Carson.”  Robert called as he passed the man.

“Yes, My Lord?”

“I’ve heard about what happened in the village.  You should know, Mrs. Carson has heard as well and is looking for you.”

Carson sighed and shook his head.  “Yes, My Lord.”

“I’d steer clear of Mrs. Clarkson any time you come across her in the village if I were you.  At least until things have settled more around here.”

“I believe you’re right, My Lord.  I’ll be going.  Best to get this over with.”

Robert shook his head as he watched the butler disappear through the door to the service stairs.  The man had completely turned their lives upside down, but he wondered just whose life had been disrupted more.

“Carson’s,” he muttered as he patted Isis’ head.  “Come on, Isis.  Let’s go settle in front of the fire with a good book.  Best let the man deal with his own problems.”

 

~*~

 

“I’m sorry, Elsie.”  Isobel hugged her friend the moment the door was shut behind her.

Elsie returned the hug.  “It’s alright.  I’m alright.  Richard came home and took care of me.”

Isobel raised an eyebrow.  “Oh?”

“He found me crying, Isobel.  He simply made me let it all out and stayed with me until I was through.”

“He’s a good man.”  Isobel commented as she hung up her coat then reached up to take off her hat.  “I’ve been to see _himself_.”

“Oh Isobel.”  Elsie moaned.  “I’d hoped you’d come here first so that I could talk you out of that.”

“Exactly why I didn’t.”

Elsie chuckled slightly.  “Come on through to the kitchen.  I’ll fix us some tea and we can take it to the sitting room.  I’ve some of Beryl’s chocolate biscuits we can enjoy by the fire.”

“Did you make them or did she?”

Elsie laughed, “I have yet to master them.  No matter how many times she’s shown me how, I can’t seem to get them right.  I can make the shortbread biscuits she taught me, perfectly fine.  Maybe it’s best if I leave the chocolate to the professional.”

Isobel smiled.  “I’m glad to see that you’re laughing.  Richard really has been good for you.”

“His friendship has helped a great deal.  Some times I think he’s been much too kind.  Even though we didn’t marry for love, it still can’t be very nice to come home and find your wife crying over another man.”

“Elsie, you know that Richard understands.”

“He said as much.  I still felt a bit of a fool.”

“I’m sure he told you that you shouldn’t.”

“He did.”  Elsie nodded as she wet the tea.

Isobel placed the plate of biscuits she’d been fixing on the tray and followed Elsie into the sitting room.  “You’ve brightened the place up a bit.”

“Richard wanted me to put out my things and not leave them packed away.”

“It helps to remind him that he isn’t living alone anymore.”

“I suppose.”  Elsie sighed and stared at the fire.  “Isobel?”

“Yes?”

“Am I ever going to stop hurting when I see Charles?”

“Yes, my friend, you will.  It’s still too close now, that’s all.”

Elsie nodded then turned to pour them a cup of tea.  “Richard tells me things are going along fine for Lady Mary and the wee babe.”

Isobel smiled at the thought of the baby.  “Oh yes.  He’s growing so much every day it seems.”

“And what of Mr. Crawley?  How is he taking to fatherhood?”

“I’ve never seen my son so happy.”

“How is Miss Sybie?”

“Growing.  I’m surprised Tom hasn’t brought her round to see you.  He often mentions missing you and your kindness.”

“He can’t very well come calling, really.  I have seen John and Anna.  That was a rather nice visit.  They informed me the family is getting ready to go to Scotland again.  To visit one last time before the castle is sold.”

“They are.  They’re also going to be bringing back Lady Rose.”

Elsie nodded.  “And have they asked you to go along?”

“No.”  Isobel scoffed.  “And why would I want to?  Being trapped on a train with that insufferable woman,” she mumbled.

Elsie laughed, “Richard told me about your latest row.  You do know she only does things to provoke you, don’t you?”

“I know, but,” Isobel shrugged.  “I can’t help it.”

Sighing, Elsie nodded.  “Do you know she’s been on my side in this?”

“Yes, I do.  It’s the only thing we’ve agreed on.”

“I was surprised.  She caught me after church last Sunday and said how sorry she was.  Richard was even shocked.”

“Carson may be her favorite, but even she can see the mess he made of things.”

“I just don’t understand why, Isobel.  If only I could understand, maybe I could get over it easier.”

Reaching out, Isobel squeezed Elsie’s hand.  “Mary tells me, he doesn’t love his wife.  From what she’s managed to get out of the man, he was protecting himself.  Though from what, I’ve no idea.  Surely he didn’t think loving you would hurt him.”

Elsie swallowed and closed her eyes, finally understanding why this whole mess had happened.  “But it would have.  At least, in his mind it would have.”

“I don’t think I understand, Elsie.”

“It’s his past, you see.  Emotions led him astray.  It’s why he’s always been so stuffy, so adamant about rules and the proper way of things.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“And I can’t betray his confidence to explain more.”


	9. Chapter 9

A blustery wind blew in as Richard opened the door and helped his companion inside.  “You’re freezing.  Come on.”  He led her further in and kicked the door shut.  “Elsie!”

Elsie heard the odd tone of Richard’s voice and hurried out to meet him, startled to find him standing with his arm around Isobel Crawley.  “What in the world?”

Isobel looked up at her friend and broke down, collapsing into Elsie’s arms.  “Matthew,” she breathed on a sob.

Elsie turned startled eyes up to Richard.  “Richard?”

Richard shook his head.  “Help me get her upstairs.  We need to get her out of these wet things and get her warmed up.”

“I can take her.  You warm yourself up.”  Elsie smiled at him when he started to protest.  “I can manage, I promise.  You take care of yourself.  It wouldn’t do for the doctor to catch his death from the cold.”

Knowing not to argue with her, Richard simply nodded.  “Fine then, but call if you need anything.”

“I will.”  Elsie answered over her shoulder as she led Isobel up the stairs.  “Come on then, shh,” she soothed her friend.  Walking into her room, she reached out to flip on the light, and then closed the door.  “Take those wet things off and put on my dressing gown.  I’m going to go run you a warm bath.”

“Elsie.”  Isobel whispered.

“Shh, I know.  We’ll talk when I’ve got you warmed up.”

Isobel closed her eyes and shuttered as she nodded.  With shaky hands she began to unbutton her coat then flitted up to unpin her hat, letting it fall to the floor behind her.  Her head felt as though a storm was stirring within it, mixing up her senses to the point where she couldn’t function as she should.

Elsie returned to find Isobel standing half undressed in the middle of the room staring off at nothing.  “Oh Isobel,” she whispered, feeling her heart hurt for her friend.  Gently helping her finish undressing, she wrapped her warm dressing gown around her friend then pulled the pins from her hair so that she could fix it to keep it out of the water.  “Come on now.”

Isobel’s teeth chattered as she followed Elsie.  Any strength she had was quickly ebbing away causing her to lean even more on her friend with each step they took.  Looking down at the water in the tub, she merely stared, not making a move.

Elsie helped Isobel out of the dressing gown and into the water.  “There now, you’ll be warm in no time.  I’m going to go make you some tea.  I’ll be right back, I promise,” she added quickly when she noticed the panic in the other woman’s eyes.

Isobel’s teeth stopped chattering and her tears returned as she turned her head toward the wall and curled in on herself.  She’d never felt this ache before, not even when her Reginald had died.

 

~*~

 

Elsie found Richard standing staring into the fire, a glass of scotch in his hand.  “What happened?” she asked quietly.

“The weather.  There was a patch of ice that he didn’t see.”  Richard looked up at Elsie and held out his hand to her.  Wrapping his arm around her when she stepped closer to him, he held her against his chest, taking comfort in her warmth and calm.  “I tried, Elsie.  I tried.”

“Shh,” she hushed him as she caressed his back.  “I know that, so does she.  It’s just the shock.  I’m sure whatever was said was only said in anguish.”

Richard blinked in surprise.  How had she known there’d been words?  “How did you know?”

“I’m the granddaughter of a doctor, remember?”  Elsie reminded him.

Richard sighed as he let his head rest against hers.  “The family tried to get her to stay there, but she left.  I don’t know how she wound up on our doorstep.”

“She walked from Crawley House I would assume as soaked through as she was.”  Elsie told him, keeping her voice low and soft, her hand still caressing his back.  “Fill your glass and sit down to smoke your pipe.  I’ve got to fix some tea to take up to Isobel.  I don’t want to be gone too long.”

Richard caressed her cheek when she moved away from him.  “You’re strength astounds me sometimes, Elsie Clarkson, but I appreciate the quietness of it tonight.”

Elsie felt a bit of a startling reaction to the touch of his hand on her cheek, but ignored it as she gave him a soft smile.  “I’ll not be back down tonight.  I don’t think I should,” but she never finished as a piercing wail echoed through the house.

“Go.  I’ll fix the tea and leave it in your room with some sleeping powders.”

Elsie nodded as she rushed from the room and up the stairs.

Richard watched her and shook his head then downed his drink.  “Dear god,” he breathed.  “I’ve fallen in love with her.”  Sighing, he made his way to the kitchen muttering, “What a dreadful time for such a realization.”

 

~*~

 

Carson held the baby in his arms, wondering where the boy’s nanny was.  At a time like this, he should be with the family, not in the nursery soothing a crying child.  Though, having the baby snuggle up to him and calm was a comfort from the turmoil that had beset the house in the last hours. 

He still felt it nearly impossible to wrap his mind around the loss of Mr. Crawley.  Feeling a hand on his arm, he opened his eyes and found his wife staring up at him.  “Moira,” he whispered so as not to disturb the baby.

“Let me take him, Charles.”  She smiled sadly when Charles gave her a raised eyebrow.  “He and Miss Sybie are the only ones in the house that like me.”

Easing the baby into his wife’s arms, Charles gently caressed her shoulder.  “I’m sorry, Moira.”

Moira heard the sadness in his voice and reached up to pat his hand.  “Shh.  Go on now.  The nanny will be here in just a few moments and then I’ll come back downstairs to help anyway I can.”

Charles nodded and turned to leave the room, but paused when he heard soft humming.  Turning back, he watched his wife gently settle baby George in his cradle, patting his back when he whimpered.  The lullaby Moira was humming was one he’d not heard in years.  It was the last thing he remembered of his mother, the song she’d sang him to sleep with the night she’d died so suddenly.  Swallowing down the emotion invoked, he turned and continued on his way.

Moira had heard his hesitation and wondered what had caused it, but couldn’t pause to ask him for fear of disturbing the sleeping babe.  Satisfied that the baby was settled, she moved to sit in the rocker to wait for the nanny. 

Things had never been perfect between she and Charles, but since that day in the village and his confrontation with Mrs. Clarkson, things had been very tense.  She’d even taken to sleeping on the settee in their sitting room instead of in their bed.  She sighed; she’d not be sleeping on the settee tonight.  He would need her because she was removed from the situation.  She hadn’t been here long enough, and she sure wasn’t attached to any of them.  Though she had to admit, Mr. Crawley had always been friendly with her when none of the others were.

 

~*~

 

Beryl wiped at her eyes as she tried to continue with her work, but it was hopeless.  She’d sent Daisy up to her room along with Ivy, and had stayed behind to see to any needs that came up.  She missed Elsie.  The woman had a way of keeping things together without seeming to be unkind or unfeeling.  She was strength and kindness, and in times like this, they needed that.

Looking up at the sound of footsteps, she watched as the butler paused at his pantry door then shook his head and moved down to the housekeeper’s sitting room.  She was still angry with him for his confrontation with Elsie in the village, but she felt sorry for him now.  Everyone knew how he felt about the family, especially Lady Mary, and to have this happen, well, she knew it had to be breaking his heart.

Raising an eyebrow in surprise when Moira came up behind him, she watched as he turned in her arms and held her close.  It was a bit of a shock considering the two of them barely spoke to each other these days.  Mrs. Carson had been extremely angry with her mister when she’d learned of what happened at the tea shop.  She supposed though, that Mrs. Carson was the one person in the whole of the household that could keep steady on during this trial because she wasn’t close to the family as the rest of them were.

Beryl nodded her head in grudging admiration of the woman.  Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.

She just wasn’t Elsie.

 

~*~

 

Elsie heard the soft knock on her bedroom door and moved quietly across the room to answer it.  “What is it?”

“I’m needed at the Abbey.  His Lordship’s motor is waiting for me.”

“Lady Mary?”  Elsie asked.

“Yes.  They can’t get her to calm down.  Seems she woke up in hysterics.”

“Not even Mr. Carson?”

“From what the chauffer told me, Mr. Carson has been with her for the last half hour, but she’s only calmed marginally.”

Slipping out into the hallway, Elsie pulled the door to.  “Why did they wait so bloody long to call for you?”

“They were sure her beloved Carson could get her to calm.”  Richard gently squeezed Elsie’s arm.  “I’m sorry.”

“No need.  Hearing his name doesn’t hurt like before.”  She smiled slightly at him.  “Now go.  Remember your scarf and stay at the house if they offer.  No need for you to go out more than needed in this weather.  I’ll be fine here.  Isobel is resting thanks to your powders.”

“I won’t stay, Elsie.  I’ll go and do what I must and then come home.”  Richard told her adamantly.  “I can’t be away from the hospital or you for that long.  Not in this sort of weather.”

Elsie nodded as she patted his arm.  “Fine then, just be careful.  I,” she started, stopping when her voice shook.  “Just be careful.”

Smiling tenderly at her, Richard caressed her cheek.  “I promise, Elsie.”

Elsie watched him leave and sighed a small prayer that he be watched over as he went out in the same weather that had taken a life only a few short hours ago.  Turning back to her room, she entered and stood watching her friend sleep. 

Tears that she’d been holding back finally found their way down her cheeks as she thought of the great pain Isobel was in.  The sound of her cries still echoed in Elsie’s ears, making her think back to another time, another woman, another child lost.

_“Fi?”  Elsie asked as she cuddled up to her sister._

_“What is it, Els?”  Fia asked as she caressed over her sister’s tangled mass of curls._

_“Why is Da yelling at Mam?  Did I do something wrong again?”_

_“Oh Els, no.  You did nothing wrong.”  Fia cursed her father again for his horrid treatment of her sister.  She knew his reason, though she didn’t understand how he could blame an innocent such as Elsie who’d had nothing to do with her birth.  Their mother had been attacked while their da was on one of his long trips to gamble and whore about, and Els had been the result._

_And had borne the brunt of it ever since._

_Elsie buried her face against Fia’s chest when their mother screamed.  “What’s happening?” she cried, her little fists gripping Fia’s nightdress._

_“Shh.”  Fia held her closer, putting a hand over her ear and holding the small head closer to her chest to try and keep Elsie from hearing anymore of their mother’s screams.  She was sure she knew what had happened.  Their mother was with child, but that didn’t seem to deter their father’s angry outbursts.  They’d been fighting once again over Elsie, though Fia had tried to make Elsie believe it was something else.  Hearing the front door slam, she let Elsie go._

_“Fia?”_

_“You stay here.  Do you hear me?”  Fia commanded sternly, her hands gripping Elsie’s shoulders.  “You stay in this bed and don’t move.  Put the pillow over your ears.”_

_“But Fi,” Elsie started._

_“No.  You do as I say.”_

_Elsie nodded.  “Yes, Fi.”_

_“That’s my Els.”  Fia softened her voice as she hugged her sister._

_“Fia?”_

_“Yes?”  Fia asked as she turned to look at her sister in the dim light from the hall that shone in through their open door._

_“Is Mam going to be alright?”_

_“I don’t know, Els.  I just don’t know.”_

Elsie came out of her thoughts when she heard moans coming from the bed.  Moving to sit on the side, she caressed the hair from Isobel’s forehead.  “Shh,” she hushed.  “Sleep.  It’s what you need.”

But Isobel’s eyes fluttered open.  “Elsie?”

“Yes.”  Elsie nodded, a soft smile on her lips.

“I,” Isobel started then closed her eyes, her tears returning.

Wrapping her arms around her friend when she sat up and leaned against her, Elsie held her and let her cry it all out.  The shock had worn off, and now the main thrust of the heartbreak was working its way out.  “I’m so sorry, Isobel.”

“He was all I had.”

“But he wasn’t.  You’ve his bairn.  He’ll need his grandmama to tell him of his father.”  Elsie smiled when Isobel sat up and looked at her.  “You’re the only one that knows everything about his father, Isobel.  Lady Mary can only tell him what she knows of the years she knew Mr. Crawley.  You can tell him about the boy his father was, the things that they share.”

“I already see so much of Matthew in George.”

“And it’ll be a comfort to you.”

Isobel settled back against the pillows and sighed, “I’m sorry for the way I treated Richard.  I shouldn’t have talked to him like that.  I know how horrible he must feel.”  She sniffed and nodded her thanks when Elsie handed her a handkerchief.

“He understands, Isobel.  You were in shock.  He knows that you never would have said those things otherwise.  Grief makes us do and say things that are out of our normal character.”

“I’ll have to apologize.”

“That will have to wait.  He’s been called out, and you need to rest some more.”  Elsie told her as she mixed some of the sleeping powders into a bit of water.  “Drink this.”

Isobel snarled her nose a bit but drank the bitter liquid down.  “You slipped some of that into my tea earlier, didn’t you.”

“I did.  Doctor’s orders.”

Turning onto her side, Isobel settled down, her eyes closing.  “I’m in your bed,” she murmured.

“You are.”

“I don’t bite.”

Elsie laughed slightly.  “I’ll be fine.  You just rest.”  She couldn’t tell her friend that she’d not be able to sleep until Richard had returned home, until she knew that he was safe and warm.  Nor could she tell her that she wouldn’t be able to sleep, knowing that the events of the day would bring about her nightmares as they’d stirred up memories best left in the past.


	10. Chapter 10

Elsie blinked in surprise when she felt a tug at her skirt.  Looking down, she was even more startled to see the tiny girl staring up at her through eyes she had inherited from her mother.  “Miss Sybie,” she whispered then looked up and smiled when she saw Tom Branson standing off a bit and smiling.  “Mr. Branson.”

“Can’t it be Tom, Mrs. Clarkson?  You used to call me that.”

“I did, but your station is above mine now, it wouldn’t be proper.”

Tom sighed, “Please?  No one need know.  And your station has changed.”

“So it has.”  Elsie agreed, laughing when Sybie tugged at her skirt again and babbled up at her.  Bending to pick up the tot, she smiled.  “Is that what you wished, Miss Sybie?”

The tot nodded and patted Elsie’s cheek.  “Sie,” she babbled.

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Tom corrected as he shrugged at Elsie.  “I’m sorry.”

“No need.  She’s a babe.  It’s perfectly fine for her to call me Sie,” she chuckled at the nickname.  “She’ll learn the way of things soon enough.”

Tom moved closer, smiling sadly as he watched his daughter’s tiny fingers reaching up to touch Elsie’s hair.  “I don’t want her to forget how much she loves you.  You’ve always been very kind to me, and you noticed how alone I was when I was lost in the goings on around me.”  He reached out and caressed Sybie’s head.  “You’ve always been her favorite, though I’m not sure why.”

Elsie kissed Sybie’s cheek.  “Because I would go into the nursery and find her staring wide eyed up at the ceiling, crying quietly, and scoop her up and rock her to sleep.  It gave Nanny a break, and me a bit of peace.”

“Ah.”  Tom smiled.  “Looking after my wee one just as you did me.”  He shook his head.  “I never believed the dragon nonsense.”

Elsie smiled at the young man as she handed Sybie over to him.  “Thank you for that, Tom,” she said his name, giving him what he’d asked.  “I’d best not hold you up from whatever errand brought you to the village.”

“You brought us to the village.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”  Tom nodded.  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you, to see how you are doing, and to apologize.”

“Apologize?  Whatever for?”

Tom looked down, patting Sybie’s back as he got up the courage to tell the truth.  “I knew about her, Mrs. Clarkson,” he finally whispered.

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “You knew about who?”

“ _Her_.”

“How?”

“A letter from her to Mr. Carson was mixed up in some of my own when the post was delivered.”  Tom finally looked back up at Elsie.  “I should have brought the letter to you to give to him.  At least then you would have known, but,” he paused.

“But?”  Elsie prompted when it didn’t seem like he was going to continue.

“But I didn’t want to upset you after you’d been so kind to me.”  He sighed as he shrugged.  “I suppose not upsetting you then, hurt you far worse later.”

Smiling softly at the young man, Elsie patted his arm.  “I thank you for looking out for me, but you mustn’t blame yourself, Tom.  It wasn’t your place to tell me.  Take the wee one home.  It seems she’s had enough of a visit.”

Tom smiled when he realized Sybie had fallen asleep on his shoulder.  “Would it be alright if we come to see you next week?”

“If you think the family won’t have a problem with it.  I don’t want you to upset them.”  She squeezed his arm.  “I know you miss Mr. Crawley.  Is that really what this is about?”

“I do, and maybe it is.  He was always on my side.  Just like you.”

“I seem to recall not being on your side.”

Tom smiled at the memory.  “You were only looking out for the both of us, I knew that then, I still know it.”

“Go on then.  I’ll see you next week, but only if the family doesn’t get upset with you.”

“I promise, they won’t.  Right now, Mary is their first priority as she should be.”

“I know she’s not been out of her room since that day.  Why hasn’t the family listened to Dr. Clarkson and asked his friend that he recommended to come in and help?”

“Because His Lordship refuses to believe Mary needs that kind of help.”

“And the babe?”

“Mrs. Crawley spends most of her days with him and then Nanny takes over at night.”

“I’m not surprised.  Has she tried talking to Lady Mary?  Maybe she could get through to her where others haven’t been able to.”

“I don’t think they’ll let her and right now, she’s not up to the fussing it would take to get her way.”

Elsie sighed and nodded.  “I’ll see what I can do to help.  I’ll talk with Dr. Clarkson.  If he has to, he’ll sneak her in.”  She winked at Tom when he chuckled slightly.

“Just let me know, Mrs. Hughes.  I’ll do what I can to help.  Matthew wouldn’t want Mary to do this to herself.”

“No, he wouldn’t.”  Elsie waved when he bid her a goodbye and turned to leave.  Maybe she’d go to the hospital and talk to Richard now.  The sooner they helped Lady Mary, the better it was for her and her son.

 

~*~

 

“I didn’t realize Isobel hadn’t been allowed in to see Lady Mary.  Did Mr. Branson say why he didn’t think the family would let her see the girl?  It couldn’t possibly hurt her, and, it might well be what she needs.  Isobel lost her husband, so she knows what that’s like, and because Matthew was her son, she is hurting every bit as much as Lady Mary is.  Probably more so.”

Elsie nodded.  “I agree.  I told Mr. Branson that I would talk to you.  He offered to help in any way he could, all we have to do is ask.”

“Did you see him in the village today?”

“He brought Miss Sybie to see me.”

Richard smiled at the softness that crossed his wife’s face at the mention of the wee one.  “Secretly attached to the tot, were you?” he asked gently, not wanting to upset her.

“I suppose I was.  She was all that brought peace in the house for so many months after the loss of her mother.”

Richard saw something flicker in Elsie’s eyes and moved around to kneel in front of her.  “Elsie,” he said her name gently.  “You wished it had been you, didn’t you?  You’d had your scare and been given another chance only a few months before.”

Elsie stared down at Richard’s hands that rested on her knees.  “It wasn’t fair.  I’m old and I don’t have children.  She was so very young and had a babe that needed her.”

“You aren’t old, Elsie Clarkson,” he whispered, smiling when she looked up at him.  “With every day that goes by, I realize how very wrong they were to say you were a dragon.  You’ve a wonderful heart, Lass.”

“But they weren’t wrong, Richard.  I was a dragon most of the time.  It was how I protected myself.”

“Protected yourself from what, Elsie?” he asked quietly, his hand reaching up to tuck away a stray tendril of hair that had escaped its pins.

“My past repeating itself,” she answered just as quietly, the same strange sensation from his touch washing over her again.  Looking up at him, she stared into his grey-blue eyes, startled at the emotions she found there.

Standing up, Richard held out his hand to help her.  “Why don’t you let me,” he started to ask, but was interrupted by a nurse opening the door, a young hall boy from Downton rushing in behind her.

“You have to come, Doctor,” the boy nearly shouted, gasping for breath as he did.

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “Calm down, John.  Take some deep breaths,” she coaxed.

John nodded as he looked at Elsie.  “It’s bad, Mrs. Hughes.”

“Clarkson, John,” she corrected gently as she moved to stand beside him, her hand on his arm to help him stay calm.  “What is bad?”

“Lady Mary, Mrs. Clarkson.  She’s sick.  Mr. and Mrs. Carson, Anna, Mr. Bates, Mrs. Patmore, all of them.”

Elsie looked up at Richard then back to John.  “Did you run here, John?”

“I rode Mr. Branson’s bicycle.”

“Then hurry back and tell them we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

John nodded.  “Mrs. Crawley sent me.  Told me to be sure you came with the doctor.”

“I will.  Go on now.”  Elsie patted his back and watched him run off.  “Richard,” she breathed.  “What could it be?”

“I don’t know, Elsie.”  Richard answered as he was pulling on his coat, and grabbing his hat.  “We’ll go home so you can change into something more suited to what I’m afraid is going to be a mess.  Nurse Williams, call for a taxi to pick us up at the cottage.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Come on, Elsie.  I need to pack a few provisions in my bag before we go.”

“I’ll go ahead and start for home.  It will give me time to get changed.  No need wasting time.”

“Good thinking.  Be careful.”

“I will.”

 

~*~

 

Alfred sighed in relief when he saw Elsie with Dr. Clarkson.  “Mrs. Clarkson,” he breathed as he moved to let them in the house.

Squeezing his arm, Elsie smiled up at the young man.  “Dr. Clarkson will see to Lady Mary first.  You show him the way, hmm?  I’ll find my way to the attics and see what I can do there.”

“It isn’t just Lady Mary, Mrs. Clarkson.  Lady Edith, and His Lordship are ill as well.”

“Is the Dowager Countess here?”

“No, Dr. Clarkson.  She’s at home.”

Richard looked at Elsie.  “Call and tell them to stay put.  And ask to speak directly to her.  She’ll need to be ready to keep the babes there if this is something contagious.”

“I will.  Go on.  Don’t worry.  I’ll be fine.”

Lifting her hand to his mouth, Richard pressed a kiss to the back.  “I know you will, Lass.”

Alfred blinked and looked away, starting toward the grand staircase.  “Mrs. Crawley is with Lady Mary.  She’s asked Nanny to lock herself in the nursery with Lady Sybil and young Mr. Crawley.”

Richard watched Elsie disappear through the servants’ door then turned and followed Alfred.  “Very good thinking.  How many of you are sick, Alfred?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Carson, Mrs. Patmore, Anna and Mr. Bates, Ivy, Jimmy, and little Carl.  He’s the youngest of the hall boys and very small.”

“Ivy, Jimmy, and Carl must have taken ill after John came to fetch me.”

“They were already ill, we just didn’t know it.”  Alfred stopped outside Lady Mary’s room.

“Thank you, Alfred.  Go see what you can do to help Mrs. Clarkson.  You’re a good sturdy lad, I’m going to count on you to run messages between the floors.  Can you do that?”

“Yes, Dr. Clarkson.”

“Go on then.”  Richard smiled at the young man then knocked on the door.  “It’s Dr. Clarkson,” he called to let them know who it was before opening the door.

Isobel looked up and sighed as she smiled gratefully at Richard.  “Thank god, you’ve come.”

“What is it?” he asked, trusting her judgment.

“I think it’s influenza.”

Richard nodded and sat his bag down so that he could shrug out of his coat.  Taking his hat off, he placed them on the chair before opening his bag to get out his stethoscope.  “How long has she been like this?”

“Anna said she seemed feverish yesterday, but when she suggested sending for you, Lady Mary refused.”

“And Mr. Carson?  Did he try?”

“Mr. Carson won’t force Lady Mary to do anything, you know that.”

Richard rolled his eyes and nodded.  “I do.  I also believe you’re right.  It is influenza.  Thank God it’s not the Spanish flu.”

Isobel nodded.  “You should go check on the others now.  I’ll stay with Lady Mary.  She seems to be the worst of the bunch so far.”

“Due to her lack of nourishment and activity.”

“Yes.”  Isobel agreed.  “What of Elsie?  Did you bring her with you?”

“I did.  She’s seeing to the servants.”

“Of course she is.”   Isobel rolled her eyes.  “Mrs. Carson won’t like that.”

“Alfred said Mrs. Carson was sick.”

“Oh, she is, but she’s not as sick as the others.  She’s still got a sharp tongue in her mouth.”

Richard shrugged.  “Elsie can handle that.”

“She can, but can she handle Charles Carson?”

“I believe she can, now.”

“Just hurry with the others and join her.”

“Is Lady Grantham with His Lordship?”

“She is, though she isn’t sick.  I’ve seen to it that the Carsons are together, and so are Mr. Bates and Anna.  Mrs. Patmore and Ivy are in the same room.”

“Very well.  Thank you.”  Richard gathered his things.  “I’m going to send the children and Nanny to the Dower House.  I think we’ll manage to get by without any losses, but the children are too young.  I don’t want to take the chance.”

“I agree.  I’ve had Nanny lock herself in the nursery with the children.  Thankfully that’s on another wing and she stays mostly away from everyone else.  This is one time I’ve very happy for Lady Mary’s refusing to see the baby.”  Isobel swallowed back her tears.  “We couldn’t bear another loss.”

“I know.”  Richard nodded.  “Alfred is going to be delivering messages between the floors, so ring for him if you need anything.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie smiled at those around her, looking at her in tired bewilderment.  “I know you hadn’t expected to ever see me here again, giving you orders, but the situation called for some order to your chaos.  As you all know, Mr. and Mrs. Carson, and Mr. Bates and Anna, are all ill.  I know that you could do the job, Thomas, but right now you’re needed to concentrate wholly on Mr. Carson’s duties, so I’m going to be in charge for a little while.  Daisy,” she looked at the young woman.  “I’ll need you to look after the kitchen and do your best to have meals ready for those not taken ill.  Alfred will help when he can.  The rest of you, I’ll need you to help in taking care of those that are ill, both upstairs and in the attics.  I know you’re tired, so we’ll take shifts.  Those of you who rose earliest this morning, go ahead and go to bed.  If your roommate is one of the ones sick, move into another room for the night.  The rest of you, you’ll take the first shift.”

Thomas smiled.  “We’ll do our best, Mrs. Clarkson.  I think I speak for everyone when I say, we’re glad you’re here.”  Murmurs of agreement followed his words as the others did as they were told.

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Daisy whispered as she stopped beside Elsie.

“Yes, Daisy?”

“Mrs. Patmore is terribly sick.  I,” her voice shook and she wrung her hands.

“Shh.”  Elsie soothed.  “I’m going up now to check on all of them and then Dr. Clarkson will be up.  It’s going to be okay, Daisy.  You’ll see.”

“Yes, Mrs. Clarkson.”  Daisy answered quietly as she wiped her nose and eyes with her handkerchief.

Elsie watched the girl make her way to the kitchen then turned to Thomas.  “Who is the worst, Thomas?”

“Mr. Carson, I believe, Mrs. Clarkson.  Then Mrs. Patmore.”

“The two oldest,” she murmured as she turned to make her way to the stairs.  “Where are the Carsons?  In the butler’s room?  Or the housekeepers?”

“Neither, Mrs. Clarkson.  They’re in the room at the end of the bachelor’s wing.  Mrs. Crawley made sure that they were together as well as Mr. Bates and Anna.  They’re in the room next to the Carsons.”

Elsie nodded.  “Thank you.  Now, go rest yourself for a bit.”

“Yes, Ma’am.  And Mrs. Clarkson,” he stopped her before she disappeared from view.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh Thomas,” she sighed.  “Go on now.”

Thomas watched her disappear and once again cursed Charles Carson for being such a fool.


	11. Chapter 11

“That’s my place,” a weak voice hissed from the other side of the bed Elsie was currently leaning over.

“Yes, it is, but you are ill.  I can assure you, I’m only doing this until the others have had their rest and Martha will be in to tend to you and Mr. Carson once she’s up and about.”  Elsie kept her voice low, her tone even and controlled as she continued to bathe Charles’ forehead with a cool, wet cloth.

Moira studied the woman through hazy eyes.  The former housekeeper didn’t look the least bit comfortable being in the room with them, nor did she seem to be enjoying what she was doing.  It still angered her that _this_ woman was here.  This wasn’t her house anymore.  This wasn’t her job, these weren’t her people to order about.

“Boring a hole through my head, Mrs. Carson, I can assure you will not help your current situation.  As tired as I’m sure your eyes are, staring at me without blinking can only strain them.  I can also assure you, I won’t be accosting either your husband, or you, if you close them.”

“Why did you come?  Why not let one of the nurses?  Was it so you could see him?  See me?  See who took the man you love away from you?”

Elsie sighed when Charles stirred and looked up at her.  Dipping the cloth back into the basin of cool water, she wrung it out then placed it back on Charles’ forehead.  “No,” she answered the woman’s questions in one short word.

“Elsie?”  Charles whispered.

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Elsie corrected.  “You’re very ill, Mr. Carson.  It seems influenza has struck a few in the house, including your wife,” she informed him as she nodded toward Moira.

“Elsie,” Richard said her name as he came in, frowning at the strained atmosphere in the room.  “Is everything alright?  Have either of them gotten worse?”

“No, Richard, they’re both fine.”  Elsie sighed, thanking the heavens above that Richard had come in and stopped the awkward questioning.  She absolutely hated an atmosphere.  “I’m just a bit tired.”

“Martha is on her way.  I’ll stay with them until she gets here.  You go take a bit of a break.  Hmm?”  Richard asked as he rested a hand on her arm, his attention wholly focused on his wife.  Touching her arm hadn’t merely been for comfort, he suspected she was getting sick, and if the warmth of her skin was any indication, she was already running a fever.

Moira watched the exchange, squirming in bed to try and get comfortable.  Turning her attention to Charles, she sighed when she saw how he was watching the doctor and the former housekeeper.  The look on his face was one of utter sadness, even with the perspiration beading on his face from his fever, and the sickly pallor of his skin.  “Oh Charles,” she breathed as she turned over.

Richard tugged at Elsie’s hand, moving them away from the bed.  “I want you to go home, Elsie.  You’ve a fever.”

“I can’t go home, Richard.  I’m alright, I’m just a bit warm from the heat in the room.”  Elsie rolled her eyes.  “She fussed so much when I opened the window that I just shut it again.”

Richard shook his head.  “Fine then, if you won’t go home, go rest.  Please?”  He looked over to the bed.  “I’ll deal with these two.”  His voice was decidedly lower with that last bit.

Elsie felt his annoyance and reached out to touch his cheek.  “It’s alright, Richard.  She’s ill.  I’m sure she’s a perfectly lovely woman.”  Looking at the couple, she sighed, “She’s very beautiful.”

Richard’s head nearly spun as he turned back to look at her.  “Elsie Clarkson, no,” he scolded.  “Go on now.  And I don’t want you in this room alone again.”

Elsie blinked at the authority in his voice, something that she’d heard before, but never directed at her.  Her temper flared for a moment, then she saw the look in his eyes, and it softened her response.  “I’ll go and rest,” she whispered.

Richard watched her walk from the room, her shoulders bowed a bit as she moved, the last few hours weighing her down.  Turning back to the bed, he removed the cloth from Charles’ forehead then moved to the window and opened it a bit before making his way to the other side of the room to do the same.  No need to feed the fever.  This room was too hot.

“You’ll kill us.”  Moira scowled at the man.

“Mrs. Carson, I assure you, the bit of cold fresh air will do nothing but help your fevers to go down and to help rid the room of the sickness.  I’ll not be bullied on this point.”  His grey-blue eyes stared her down.

“Dr. Clarkson.”  Martha said his name quietly as she came into the room.  “I’m here to take over for Mrs. Clarkson.”

“Good.  Good.  Just keep bathing Mr. Carson’s face with the cool water, and maybe help Mrs. Carson take a cool bath.  She seems to be feeling a bit better.  And don’t forget the milk and cinnamon.”

“Yes, Dr. Clarkson.”  Martha nodded as she took over, frowning at the strain she felt around her.  Whatever had happened in this room while she’d been gone, couldn’t have been very nice.  Of course, knowing what everyone else in the household knew about these two and the former housekeeper, she wasn’t a bit surprised.

 

~*~

 

Richard decided that it was time for them to go home.  No one would be dying from this bout of influenza, and the healthy ones were perfectly capable of seeing to those who were ill.  Besides that, he knew, despite her protests, his wife was sick.  “Blasted stubborn woman,” he mumbled as he made his way down the hallway, meeting Isobel on the way.

“Richard.”  Isobel sighed.

“How are things?”

“Everyone is resting now.  I think they’re all on the way to being better.”

Richard nodded.  “Which is why I’ve decided we’re going home.  All of us.”  He looked at her.  “You’re as tired as Elsie and I are.  The staff are perfectly capable of continuing to do what we’ve instructed.  Mr. Barrow can take over, he is after all the under-butler.  And Anna and Mr. Bates should be up with in the next day.  They were some of the least affected.”

Isobel nodded.  “Home sounds wonderful.  A nice warm bath and then my own bed.”

Richard chuckled and nodded.  “If you don’t mind Elsie and I sharing the motor with you, we’ll all go at once.”

“I don’t mind a bit.  Where is Elsie?”

“I sent her below stairs for a bit of a rest.”  He scowled.  “She never should have been with those two by herself.”

“Why was she?  I thought a maid was seeing to them after the first initial visit.”

“She was, but she needed to rest.  And Elsie felt that she should be the one to tend to Mr. Carson because he was one of the worst affected.”

“And I assume Mrs. Carson didn’t find that to her liking?”

Richard nodded.  “You know how Elsie dislikes an atmosphere.”

“Yes, I do.”

“And,” he started, pausing as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.  “I think Elsie is getting sick.  She felt warm to the touch, though she assured me it was due to the warmth of the room.  It seems Mrs. Carson disliked the notion of the windows being opened.”

“Insufferable woman.”

“Elsie defended her.  Said it was because the woman is ill.”

“And very jealous.”

“Yes, I would say she is.  Though I’m not sure why.  Elsie was the only one who was hurt in this whole mess.”

“No, Richard, I don’t think she was the only one.  I think there were three people hurt.”

Richard blinked in surprise at that.  “Are things really that bad?”

“If what Mrs. Patmore has said is true, and we know the woman never holds back or tells a falsehood, yes, they really are that bad.  Though the last time she said anything, things had calmed somewhat between the Carsons, and they seemed to be getting along.  She said that Mrs. Carson was fitting in a bit better, but you and I both know why the rest suddenly started accepting her.”

“Elsie,” he whispered and shook his head.  “She’s an amazing woman.”

“Yes, she is.  Now,” Isobel started then yawned and gave him a comical look.  “Sorry.  As I started to say before I was so rude, why don’t you go down and fetch Elsie?  I’ll call for the motor and collect my things.”

Richard nodded.  “Thank you, Isobel.  You’ve been a great help and I know the family appreciates how well you’ve taken care of Lady Mary.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie felt the cold deep in her bones as her teeth chattered.  She ached, her throat felt raw, and her head felt as though someone had overfilled it with air.  Pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders, she put more coal on the fire then climbed into bed, pulling the blankets tight around her.

She knew that Richard hadn’t believed her when she’d told him she wasn’t running a fever, but she hadn’t wanted him to make her stay at the Abbey.  Something she knew he would have done if he’d known just how sick she really was.  Moaning slightly when she tried to get comfortable, she reached out to her water glass, sipping slowly at the cool liquid.  Setting the glass back on the night table, she settled back against her pillow, her eyes closing in her desperate need for sleep.

But she couldn’t sleep. 

All she could see was the look in Charles’ eyes as he stared up at her.  After all these months, it hadn’t hurt as much as it once would have, though spending as much time as she had with the couple had been almost more than she could bear.  Especially when the missus had finally woke up.  That had been awkwardly tense, and she’d wanted nothing more than to run from the room.

She had never been more happy to see Richard than she had at the moment he came into the room.  His touch had helped her stay calm, though she’d known that he was merely testing to see if she was feverish.  She knew that her face being flushed had given her away, and the weariness in her eyes probably had only added to it, but she’d lied to him anyway.

And bless his wonderful heart, he’d let her.  He hadn’t scolded her, hadn’t so much as raised his voice, well, she conceded, not until she’d made the offhand comment about how beautiful Mrs. Carson was.  The fierceness of his response had startled her, and confused her.

Who was she kidding?

It still confused her.

Everything that was happening to her was confusing.

Richard had taken to touching her more.

A hand on her arm, the small of her back as they walked to their usual place in church on Sunday.  Smiles that were just a bit softer, looks that lasted just a bit longer.

Then there were her reactions to his actions.

His touch calmed her, yet it also caused her to react in a way that was strange.  Her skin often tingled, and she had to resist the urge to shiver.

Something she wasn’t able to do when he would speak to her in that low voice of his, the Gaelic rolling off his tongue.

A fit of coughing interrupted her thoughts and she turned her head to bury the sound in her pillow.

Too late.

“Elsie?”  Richard called as he opened her door.

“Mmm,” she managed, her throat too sore to actually speak.

Shaking his head, Richard walked to her bed and sat his hand lamp on the night table as he sat down beside her.  His hand went to her forehead and he felt a note of concern flicker through him at how hot she was to his touch.  “You’re burning up, Lass.  Why didn’t you tell me?  I already knew you were ill.”

“I,” she started then coughed, tears filling her eyes at the pain it caused.

“Easy,” he soothed as he poured more water and helped her sit up to drink.  “I’m going to go and fix you some tea with honey and put some powders in it.  The honey will help your throat and the powders will help your aches so you can rest.”

Elsie nodded, her blue eyes glassy with fever.  She moaned when she began to cough again, the tears that had pooled in her eyes, slowly rolled down her cheeks.

“Ah, Lass.”  Richard sighed as he used his handkerchief to wipe at her cheeks.  “I won’t be gone long,” he assured her as he stood up and walked hurriedly out of the room.

She could hear his footsteps on the stairs, the sound a strange sort of comfort.  She was sick, but she wasn’t alone, not like the other times in her life that she’d been this ill.  No, this time she had a man that cared about her there to take care of her.  It would seem at this point in her life, that it was a very good thing she married a doctor.

 

~*~

 

Richard opened the window just a bit more then tightened the belt on his robe and pulled the blanket around him tighter as he sat back down in the chair he’d moved over beside Elsie’s bed.  Her fever wasn’t relinquishing its hold on her, and only seemed to be getting worse.  He’d bathed her forehead in cold water until the water had grown tepid then decided to rest a bit, no need for him to let himself get so tired that he wound up sick as well.

If her fever kept spiking, he was going to have to disturb Isobel and ask her to come help him.  He could bathe Elsie himself, but he knew that would mortify her once she was awake enough to realize what was happening.  His eyes closing, he let himself drift off to sleep.  He’d always been a light sleeper and he knew he’d hear any change in the room around him.

 

~*~

 

“No!  No, Da!  Please!”  Elsie screamed as she tossed about in her sleep, her thrashing mussing the covers off her sweat drenched body.

Richard woke just as Elsie was running out of the room and down the stairs, her small frame moving quicker than he could.  “Elsie!” he yelled after her as she threw open the door.  “Come back!  Elsie!” he continued to yell as he rushed out into the frigid air.  The snow was falling heavily around them, her white nightdress and dark hair making it hard for him to see her.

“Please!  No!  Stop, Da!  I can’t, Fia!  I can’t leave you!”

Richard hurried toward where her cries came from, his heart breaking as he listened to the words she was saying.  The fever must be causing her to relive bad things from her past, and the thoughts of what those things might be was breaking his heart.  “Elsie, it’s Richard,” he whispered as he caught up with her just as she collapsed. 

Lifting her into his arms, he made his way back to their home as fast as he could, using his foot to kick the door closed behind them.  Lying her on the settee, he wrapped her in the thick blanket they kept over the back then turned to build up the fire.  Finished with that, he turned to see her shivering and cursed at his stupidity for falling asleep.  Her fever had needed to come down, but not this way, and not this fast.

Picking up the phone, Richard dialed the operator, asking her to connect him to Crawley House.  He needed Isobel’s help.  “I’m sorry to disturb you, Isobel, but I need your help.  Elsie’s sick and, just come, please?” he asked, too tired and worried to try and make sense of his words so that she would understand.  “Thank you.  Hurry.”

“No, Fia.  No.  Please, Fi.  I can’t run.  I can’t leave you.  He’ll hurt you.”  Elsie whimpered as she began to toss again.

Moving back to her side, Richard knelt down and held her gently so that she wouldn’t fall off the settee.  “Easy, Elsie.  It’s alright.  No one’s going to hurt you or Fia.  You’re both safe.”  His words didn’t seem to break through so he pulled her off the settee onto his lap and cradled her close, an old Gaelic lullaby flowing easily from his lips as he gently rocked her.

Which is how Isobel found them ten minutes later.


	12. Chapter 12

Isobel caressed a hand over Elsie’s forehead, frowning at the heat.  Both she and Richard were afraid that Elsie had developed pneumonia, and with the fever Elsie was running, along with the coughing that caused her to nearly convulse, it would seem their fears were being realized.

And it was eating Richard alive.

He was blaming himself because he’d fallen asleep and not heard her soon enough to stop her from getting outside.

She’d tried telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that they’d all been exhausted, and that his body had needed to rest so that he wouldn’t get sick, but it wasn’t working.

The cries from Elsie’s nightmares weren’t helping, either.

“Isobel.”  Richard said her name quietly as he came into the room.  “How is she?”

“Still burning with fever and her coughing is getting worse.  Maybe we should try a cool bath.”

Richard nodded.  “I’ll go run the water.”

“I’ll get her ready.”  Isobel told him, catching his arm before he could leave.  “Do you think you should call her sister?”

Richard pinched the bridge of his nose.  “I already have.  She’s on her way.”  Opening his eyes, he looked at his friend.  “I didn’t know what else to do.  If Elsie,” he swallowed and shook his head, not finishing that thought.  He couldn’t bear to think of losing her.  “I don’t know how to help her with the nightmares.  Has she ever said anything to you about her past?”

Isobel shook her head.  “Nothing other than hinting that things hadn’t been good at home.  This though,” she turned to look at Elsie.  “It sounds like something horrible happened to her.”

“All she’s told me is that she went to live with her grandparents, but she never said why, or mentioned Fia going with her.”  Richard sighed and shook his head.  “I can’t stand hearing her cry out like this.”

“Then go run her bath and after we’ve settled her, you go to the hospital.  Do some work to take your mind off of all of this.  I’ll be alright here.  Beryl should be stopping by any time.  She can help me.”

Richard nodded and quietly left the room.  Isobel was right, he did need to take a break.  It had been two days since he’d been at the hospital for worry of Elsie’s condition.  Thankfully with the weather as it was, people tended to stay inside where it was warm, and didn’t go about mucking around and getting themselves hurt.  No babies were due which kept him from worrying about being called away.

He knew that Isobel could tend to Elsie by herself, but the guilt he felt for Elsie’s condition, kept him at home.  He couldn’t face the thoughts of Elsie growing even worse and him not being there.

 

~*~

 

Richard paced the platform of the station waiting for Fia’s train to come in.  After the afternoon they’d had, he was extremely grateful he’d called for the woman.  Elsie  had tested  his as well as Isobel and Beryl’s emotions with her pleas to a father that no longer lived, begging him not to, Richard shook his head.  She never said what she was begging her father not to do.

But the pleas broke his heart none the less.

And made him understand just that bit more why what Charles Carson had done hurt her so deeply.

“Dr. Clarkson!”  Molesley shouted as he ran up to where Richard had paused his pacing.

“Whoa, Mr. Molesley.”  Richard held out his hand to catch the man and keep him from bowling him over.  “What is it?”

“It’s Mr. Johnson.  His son came in to get you.  Mrs. Crawley said that I was to fetch you and take your place waiting for Mrs. Clarkson’s sister.  Mrs. Crawley said she’d explain what happened with Mr. Johnson when you came to pick up your bag,” Molesley added as an almost after thought.

Richard sighed, “Alright,” then turned and hurried to the car he’d hired, directing the driver to take him home.  Staring out the window as they went, he rolled his eyes at how things always seemed to come up when he didn’t want them to.  Then he rolled his eyes again at how utterly ridiculous that thought had been.

_You’re a doctor, man_ , he scolded himself, though there were times when he wondered why he’d chosen this particular route.  Then he remembered.  He’d watched his baby sister die because the family lived too far from a doctor to get her help in time.  He was ten, and he remembered seeing his mother break.  He’d not just lost his sister that day, but his mother too.  He’d promised little Arabel, on the day they buried her, that he would grow up and be a doctor so that he could help little girls like her.

And so he had.

 

~*~

 

Fia wiped at her eyes as she sat beside Elsie and gently caressed her face with the cool cloth Isobel had handed her.   “Oh Els,” she breathed.

“This is the first time she’s been quiet in the last few hours.”  Isobel whispered as she rested a hand on Fia’s shoulder.  “She knows you’re here.”

Fia looked over her shoulder at Isobel.  “What has she been saying?” she asked, nearly sure she knew.  Her sister had suffered with nightmares off an on from the time their father first hit her and especially since the night their baby brother had been born early and left them with no mother.

Isobel studied the woman, sure that she already knew the answer, but answered anyway.  “She’s been begging your father to stop and telling you that she can’t run.”

Fia swallowed and closed her eyes.  “My poor Els,” she murmured before opening her eyes.  “I should wait for her man to come home.  I don’t wish to tell the story more than I need to.”

“I’m sorry.”  Isobel whispered.  “I’d hoped to meet you one day, but not like this.”

Fia put the cloth in the water basin and rung it out then laid it across Elsie’s forehead.  “She’s written about you, and how much she’s enjoying your friendship.”

“I enjoy her friendship as well.  She, Beryl, and I have all gotten very close these last few months.”  Isobel’s voice dropped.  “Elsie took care of me after my son died.”

“She told me, and I’m sorry.”  Hearing Elsie whimper, Fia leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Shh, Els.  You’re safe now, Fia’s here.  Da’s not going to hurt either of us anymore.  Fi promises, Els.”

Isobel wiped at the tears on her cheeks as she listened to Fia’s soft words of assurance.  Watching Elsie calm almost instantly, made Isobel wish she’d had a sibling to share that kind of closeness with.  The sound of the front door opening and closing brought Isobel out of her thoughts.  “That will be Richard.  I’ll go fix him something to eat and fill him in on things here.”

Fia nodded, her hand caressing Elsie’s cheek.  “Her fever’s still high.”

“I know.  Thankfully she’s not coughing like she had been.  I’m going to ask Richard if he thinks we should try another bath.”  Patting Fia’s shoulder, Isobel smiled at her.  “I won’t be gone long.  We’ll hear you if you call.”

Fia nodded.  “We’ll be fine.  She seems to be resting easy.”

“It’s your presence.”

“Go on now.  Don’t let the man starve.”

Isobel nodded.  “I don’t know that he’ll eat anything.  He may want to see Elsie first.”

“Tell him to warm up.  No sense in him rushing.”

“He’s very worried about her.”

“He’s a kind man.”

 

~*~

 

“Els told me that she told you she’d lived with our Grandda and Grandmam.  Knowin’ my Els, she didn’t tell you why.”

Richard shook his head.  “No, she didn’t, but I believe it has something to do with what she’s been saying in her feverish state.”

Fia nodded.  “It does.”  Turning to her sister, she wondered if she should tell the story here, or if they should go somewhere else.

“Maybe we should go downstairs to the kitchen for some tea.”  Isobel suggested.  “Elsie’s resting comfortably and we’ll be able to hear her if she stirs.”

“I think that would be best.”  Fia whispered as she stood.  Leaning over, she pressed a kiss to Elsie’s forehead.  “It’ll be alright, Els.”

Richard watched Fia with Elsie and smiled a bit as he thought back to his own sister.  She was older than him by sixteen years and she’d spent many a night helping their mother tend to him when he’d get sick with a childhood illness.  She’d married at a late age, which had caused a fuss, but he’d been glad of it.  He’d had her to himself for five years until she’d married a shop owner and moved away.  He’d been ever so lonesome for her until their baby sister came along.  No one ever spoke of it, but he’d always known that his beloved Lorna wasn’t his mother’s daughter, that they’d only shared a father.  That hadn’t mattered to him.  Though the talk about this mother being no more than ten years older than Lorna had once he’d understood it.

“Richard?”  Isobel said his name again.  “Are you alright?”

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looked at Isobel then  
back to Fia who stood watching him.  “I’m sorry.  Lost in thought.”

Fia cocked her head to the side and smiled at him.  “Missing your sister?”

Richard nodded.  “I was thinking of her, and yes, I was missing her.  She’s older than I by sixteen years and she always helped Mam tend to me when I would get sick.  Seeing you with Elsie reminded me of that.”

“I think I’d like your sister.  Els told me about her and how very kind she was.”

“Lorna liked Elsie.  I think she could see the sadness in her.”  Shaking off his melancholy, Richard motioned the ladies from the room.  “Let’s go have that tea.”

Fia followed Isobel down the stairs and into the kitchen.  She hadn’t stopped to look around the cottage her sister now called home when she’d arrived, she’d been too worried.  But now that she was looking, she liked what she saw.  Her sister had put her touch to the place, small knickknacks that had been given to Elsie by their grandda sat about on the mantle and shelves.  Doilies made by Elsie under the watchful, careful tutelage of Grandmam, rested on the tables and on the backs of the arm chairs.  “I see Elsie’s things about.”

“I wanted her to feel at home, but,” Richard stopped and shook his head.  “She told me she’d never find home again.”

“With very good reason.”  Fia whispered as she sat down.  “Our Da was no good.  He went off on long trips, drinking, whoring, and gambling, leaving Mam to tend to the farm.  One of those trips lasted longer than usual and some men came.  I was only nine.  I couldn’t do anything although I tried.  I’ve always had a bit of fire in me.”

“Same fire as Elsie.”  Isobel commented quietly.

“Yes.  Comes from our grandmam, I suppose, because Mam had no fire in her.”  Fia took a sip of the tea Isobel had just poured her.  “The men, after I’d banged one of them in the head with a frying pan, locked me in a cupboard.”  Staring down at the table, she continued, her voice quiet as she was lost in those painful memories of long ago.  “I could hear her scream and fight, but it did no good.  She was small, much like Elsie.  Three months later, Da beat her when she told him he was going to be a father again.  He wasn’t a stupid man, knew that he hadn’t been home at the time.  He thought she’d stepped out while he was gone, and wouldn’t believe Mam when she tried to tell him what had happened.”

“Why wouldn’t he believe her?”

“Because Da would’ve had to feel guilty about leaving us alone, and he couldn’t have that.  If Elsie had been a boy, things might have been different, but she wasn’t…and Mam paid for it.”

“Elsie said she had been the cause of fights.”  Richard spoke up.  “That’s why she left your home that day.”

“She was, and she knew it.  Da never hesitated to let her know she was the family stain; that she wasn’t his.  I did my best to protect her, but some times he managed to get to her before I could.  Most of the time it was verbal, but there were times that he would whip her.  Grandda and Grandmam doted on her, more than they ever had me, but I didn’t mind.  No one else bothered.  Mam didn’t even love Elsie as she should have, though I guess she tried, but not hard enough.”  Fia frowned.  “The winter Elsie was four had been a hard winter, it kept Da at home.  In the Spring, Mam was with child.  Elsie had turned five just a few short weeks before and Da was in a foul mood.  Even though he knew that the baby Mam carried was his, his mind was muddled with drink, and he started fighting with her.  He kept saying that the man that fathered Elsie had been about again, insisting that this new baby was his.”  Fia paused to take another drink of her tea, surprised that it wasn’t cold.

“I refilled it.”  Isobel whispered.

“Thank you.”  Fia took a deep breath then continued.  “The fighting had been going on all day and only got worse with each drink Da took.  There was a lull when he fell into a stupor and it allowed Elsie to fall asleep.  She didn’t sleep long because the fighting started again, only this time, Da was beating Mam.  I’m not sure what set him off, I hadn’t left our room out of fear for Elsie and because Mam had told me not to.  I tried to reassure Elsie that the fighting wasn’t about her, but she knew, because it was always something to do with her.  Mam screamed, which only frightened Elsie more, and then Da left.  I left Elsie in our room and went out to check on Mam.  The baby was born that night, a little boy, but it was too soon.  Mam,” her voice broke.  “Mam died and then our little brother died a few hours later.”

Isobel’s breath caught.  “That’s why,” she whispered.

“Why what?”  Richard asked.

“Why she looked so far away that night I was here.  Matthew’s death must have brought up those memories.”

Fia nodded in understanding.  “I’m sure it did.”

“That’s why she was having nightmares.”  Richard added and shook his head.  “Then what happened, Fia?  Why has she been telling you that she can’t run?”

“Because when Da came back home, about a week later, he grew angry when he learned what had happened.  He was in a rage, yelling about how she’d done this on purpose, killed his son and left him with simpering girls, one of which wasn’t even his.  He was going to,” Fia bit her lip to stop it from trembling.  “He was going to beat Elsie and then send her away.  He was so drunk and angry, I knew that he would hurt her, and as little as she was, possibly kill her.  I shoved her toward the door and yelled for her to run.  She didn’t want to leave me, but I yelled at her, and told her she had to leave, that she had to run to the neighbor’s and ask them to take her to Grandda and Grandmam.  I made her promise never to come back.”

“And your father beat you.”  Isobel whispered.

Fia nodded.  “Da did beat me.  Every day, but it was alright.  I just gave him more drink.  It kept him so drunk I could escape to my room easier.  One morning, three years later, Duncan came along looking for a place to stay the night.  He was making his way from his home to buy a shop in the city.  He’d grown weary of farming.  He could see I’d been beaten, and told me if I’d let him stay in the barn, he’d take me with him the next day.  I told him my father wouldn’t allow it, but he only said that he’d beat the man if he tried anything.  I left the next morning with no fuss and never looked back.  I didn’t see Elsie again until she came to see me after I wrote to her to tell her I’d been married.”

Richard looked down at his hands, his eyes wet with the tears he couldn’t keep from falling.  The thoughts of the pain these sisters had gone through, the love Fia had for his Elsie.  “That’s why he doesn’t like Elsie.”

“Yes, that’s why.”  Fia scowled.  “He’s always said that he doesn’t understand why she didn’t send Grandda for me, but he won’t listen when I try to tell him that I’d told Elsie not to.  I knew that if Grandda came, he’d take me, and then Da would have gone after me.  He’d have found Elsie and I couldn’t let that happen.  I sent word with a neighbor boy that Grandda wasn’t to come, that I was just fine, to keep Elsie safe because I knew that Grandda would come anyway, no matter what I’d had Els promise.  I’ve tried and tried to tell Duncan that Elsie wasn’t to blame, that I stayed because I wanted to, that I had to protect her.  It’s of no use.  I have never understood how he could blame an innocent little girl, but he kept me safe, took me out of that situation, so I’ve stayed with him.  I love him, I just don’t like him some times.”

“Does he know everything, Fia?”  Isobel asked, wiping her nose and eyes with her handkerchief.

“No.  I’ve tried to tell him everything, but he doesn’t want to hear it.  He doesn’t know that Elsie wasn’t our father’s child, or about the beatings she took.  When I go home, we’re going to have to sit down and have a long talk.  It’s time I told him everything.  Maybe then he’ll realize I did the only thing I could.”

“Do you think he’ll listen?”

“He will if he knows what’s good for him.  I don’t have to stay now.”  Looking up at the other two, Fia wiped at her eyes.  “I should have forced the issue when he ran Elsie away, but,” she sighed.  “I suppose I have a bit of Mam in me after all.”

Isobel reached over and patted Fia’s arm.  “No.  You just love your husband.  Elsie understands.”

“Elsie always understands, even when she shouldn’t have to.”

“I really should go check on her.”  Richard told the ladies as he stood and walked out of the kitchen, slowly making his way up the stairs.

“He’s a heavy heart.”  Fia commented.

“We all have a heavy heart.”  Isobel told her.  “What you girls went through,” she shook her head.  “It’s a wonder Elsie is as wonderful as she is, but it also explains why she’s so fierce.”

“She grew into a very strong woman.  Grandda and Grandmam gave her the love and strength she needed to make it in the world.”

“You gave her that, Fia.  Protecting her, taking care of her, you gave her love and strength, they only nurtured it.”


	13. Chapter 13

Richard caressed a hand over Elsie’s forehead.  She wasn’t as warm as she’d been, but she’d started coughing again, and he didn’t like the sound of her lungs when he listened to them with his stethoscope.  “Oh Elsie,” he whispered as he lifted her hand.  Tracing the veins, and lines, he marveled at how soft the skin was knowing what he did about her job.  Although, he supposed as housekeeper she’d had to do less of the hard work that roughened skin, and more of the desk work that allowed her to have this softness.  He didn’t mind, he rather liked it.  A woman as tender and lovely as Elsie should have soft hands.  Letting her hand rest in the palm of his, he smiled at how small it was in comparison. 

For the first time since he’d realized he was in love with her, he wondered what it would feel like to have her hands touching him intimately.  She’d held his hand, had touched his cheek, and he often found himself remembering those moments as well as the feel of her body against his.  But those hadn’t been anything more than comforting gestures.  Though on his part, the feel of her hand in his, on his face, her body against his, had caused a tingling sensation that had stayed with him after she was gone.

If he was honest with himself, to feel the touch of her hand on his chest as her head rested against his shoulder while they slept would be enough.

Shaking his head, he scowled at himself for having such thoughts at a time like this.

“Your Fia told us what happened.  Dear sweet Elsie.  It’s no wonder you have nightmares.  I’m so sorry for the things you went through.”  Leaning forward, Richard pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “You have to wake up and be okay, Elsie.  I can’t lose you, I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“How long have you been in love with my sister?”  Fia asked as she moved from her placing leaning against the door frame.

Richard, startled by the question, looked over his shoulder at Fia.  “I,” he shook his head and looked back at Elsie.  “I’m not sure.  I know that the night Mr. Crawley died was when I realized that I’d fallen in love with her, but when it happened,” he shrugged.  “Maybe it was when I saw her crying in your arms.  Or maybe it was the day I came home and found all of her things about, making me stop and just stare and smile like an idiot because I wasn’t alone anymore.”  Looking at Fia again, he sighed, “I just don’t know.  All I know is that I love her.”

Fia smiled as she moved closer and reached out to squeeze his shoulder.  “I knew when I met you that you were a good man.  Thank you for taking such good care of her.”

Richard looked away and shook his head.  “But I haven’t.  It’s my fault she’s like this.  I shouldn’t have gone to sleep.  I knew better.”

Squeezing his shoulder tighter, Fia glared down at her brother-in-law.  “Stop it.  Isobel told me what happened, how Elsie wound up sick in the first place.  My Els is stubborn and wouldn’t have wanted you to worry about her while there were others.  I know her.  She was sick before you left the big house.”

“But I let myself fall asleep.”

“Because you’re a light sleeper and thought you would hear her if she stirred.”  Fia raised an eyebrow when he looked at her surprised.  “Grandda was a light sleeper.”

Richard nodded.  “I should have known better.  As tired as I was.  I should have known I’d sleep deeper than I normally do.”

“You didn’t know she would get up and run out, Richard.  If she’d but told you why she was having nightmares, you would have been better prepared.  So you could say some of the blame falls on her.”

“No.”  Richard shook his head.

“Then stop blaming yourself.”  Fia smiled slightly when he frowned at her.  “Where do you think Els learned her way of reasoning?  It wasn’t all from our grandda.”

Richard chuckled, “I think it’s a good thing you don’t live closer.  I’m not sure I could handle the Hughes sisters together.”

Fia smiled at that.  “Why don’t you go and get some rest?  I’ll stay here with Els.”

Richard shook his head.  “No, you need the rest.  You’ve been sitting up with her for the last few days.”

“I’ve been resting as well.  Go on now.  I can lay down beside her.”

Richard nodded as he gave in.  Standing up, he caressed Elsie’s hand before putting it back under the covers.  “She seems to rest easier when you’re with her.”

Fia touched his arm as he passed by her.  “Only because it was always her Fi that soothed her when she was little and afraid.  We have history, Richard.”  She smiled.  “You did a good job of soothing her from what Isobel told me.  She said that she found you on the floor, Elsie on your lap, singing to her, although she couldn’t understand the words.  I told her it was probably in Gaelic.”

“The lullaby my older sister always sang to me.”

Squeezing his arm, Fia gently nudged him toward the door.  “Go on now.  Get some rest.  I promise to wake you if something changes with Els.”

Richard nodded then quietly closed the door behind him, leaning back against it and closing his eyes.  “Well at least Fia isn’t angry with me,” he murmured as he pushed off the door and made his way across the hall to his own room.  “What are you doing, man?” he asked himself as he closed the door so that he could ready for bed.  “You know that she loves another man.  Even if she no longer loves him, she hasn’t shown any signs of feeling anything other than friendship for you.  Her heart was broken, you bloody fool, she’ll not be letting herself fall in love again.”

Opening his door so that he could hear if something happened, he went back to his bed and climbed under the covers, turning out the bedside lamp before laying down on his back and staring up at the ceiling.  His thoughts were on Elsie.  On the things he’d learned three days ago from Fia.  On the things he was realizing about himself.

He and Elsie had things in common, things that had somehow drawn them together even though neither of them had known anything about the others past.  He knew Elsie well enough to know that, he closed his eyes and took a breath as he faced the rest of his thought.  If Elsie recovered. 

If.

If.

Always if.

He knew that if Elsie recovered, when she learned that Fia had told of their past, she would be embarrassed.

He also knew that he would have to tell her of his past.  Though not as horrible as hers, he hoped that by sharing the things he’d gone through, the things they had in common, it would help her feel less embarrassed.

“My dear sweet Elsie,” he whispered as he slowly relaxed. 

The last thought before sleep claimed him was that, no matter if she ever loved him, he would love her enough for the both of them.

He would give her what no one had in a very long time.

Unconditional love.

 

~*~

 

Word of Elsie being ill had reached the Abbey when Isobel had refused a dinner invitation.  Which had brought about a confrontation between Beryl and Charles.  He’d been upset that she hadn’t said a word about it.  She’d told him off, told him that it wasn’t his place to be worrying about Elsie Clarkson, he’d thrown her away, and given up any rights he had to know anything about her the day he’d married another woman.

Damn frustrating, stubborn fool of a man.

Beryl rolled her eyes as she yawned and settled further into her bed.  That had been two days ago.  She hadn’t been to see Elsie since that first day, but Isobel had been keeping her up to date on how things were going.  She’d been surprised by Elsie’s sister when she’d shown up shortly before Beryl had to leave to return home.

The woman was tall and thin, not short and curvy like Elsie.  She’d said she took after their father and Elsie after their mother, though there was no pride in it.  There was something about the atmosphere in the room when the woman talked about their parents that made Beryl suspect that home life hadn’t been very good for either of them. 

She closed her eyes against the tears as she remembered the pleading cries coming from Elsie’s room as Isobel had fixed tea in the kitchen. 

No, their home life hadn’t been good at all.

And she suspected it had been worse for Elsie.

But that was something her friend would have to tell her when she was ready.

If she survived.

If.

If.

Beryl hated that word.

 

~*~

 

“Charles, what is it?”  Moira asked as she studied her husband, though why she asked, she wasn’t sure.  She knew what the answer would be.

“I’m sorry, Moira.  She’s sick because of us.  I was one of the sickest.  She shouldn’t have been tending to us.  And,” he shrugged.  “She was my best friend, Moira.  Forget that I was in love with her, I simply am worried about a friend.”

“Was in love, Charles?  What’s changed?”

“Moira.”  Charles whispered sadly and held out his hand.  “I’m sorry.”

Moving to sit beside him, Moira leaned against his shoulder.  “I’m sorry, too.  I’m afraid I wasn’t very nice to her.”

“I’m sure she thought nothing of it.  You were ill.”

“I wasn’t _that_ ill.  I didn’t like her being there, tending to you, and I let her know how I felt.”

“She still wouldn’t have thought anything of it.”

“You didn’t see her face, Charles.  The whole thing upset her.”

“She isn’t in love with me anymore, if that’s what you mean.”

“I know she isn’t.”  Moira sighed before saying what she saw.  “I believe she’s falling in love with her husband.  The man is in love with her, that much I know for sure after witnessing their interaction.”

“I hope that she is.”  Charles whispered.  “She deserves someone who can love her.”

“Charles?”

“Yes, Moira?”  Charles answered, his hand gently caressing hers.

“I love you.”

“I know you do.”  Titling her face up to his, Charles held her gaze.  “I can’t say that I love you, Moira, you wouldn’t believe me.  I can’t tell you that I will ever be in love with you.  I know that isn’t fair to you.  It wasn’t fair to her that I was in love with her and led her to believe that we could be together.  I needed safety from my feelings, Moira.  You were it.  I’m a horrible man, I know that, and I’m sorry for it.  But,” he bit his lip.  “Emotions are something that frighten me because of what they led me to do in the past.  A past I am greatly ashamed of.”  Caressing away a tear with his thumb, he kissed her forehead.  “I’ll try, Moira.  That’s all I can give you.”

Moira nodded then stood up, holding out her hand.  “Come to bed.  It’s late, we should have been asleep by now.  We’ve an early day tomorrow.”

 

~*~

 

Fia lay on her side, her hand resting over Elsie’s heart, feeling its steady rhythm under her fingers.  “I know that you’re going to be angry with me for telling them about our past.  I know that you’ve never told a soul about your life before Downton, but Els, they needed to know why you were having nightmares.  You’re crying was breaking their hearts, Els.”  She paused to reach up and touch Elsie’s forehead, sighing when it felt cool to the touch.  “I’ve learned a bit about your Richard and I was right, he’s a good man.”

Elsie stirred and turned toward Fia, moving closer as she began to mumble.  “Am cold, Fi.  Hold me?”

Moving so that Elsie could snuggle up to her, Fia wrapped her arms around her, tucking the blankets closer around them.  “There now.”

“Fi?”

“Yes, Els.”

“Why does Da hate me?”

Fia closed her eyes against the tears.  She remembered the night Elsie had asked her this.  She hadn’t been old enough to truly understand what their father meant when he called her a stain on his good name.  “Oh, Els.  Da is just angry, that’s all,” she whispered the long ago words she’d spoken.

“Then why did he hit me?”

“Shh.”  Fia soothed.  “You need to sleep.  Fi’s here and you’re safe now.”

Elsie snuggled closer, the familiar scent of her sister soothing her.  Slowly opening her eyes, she blinked in surprise.  “Fi?”

Hearing something change in Elsie’s voice, Fia looked down and smiled when she saw her sister staring up at her a bit confused.  “Yes, Els.  I’m really here.”

“But why?  And why am I snuggled up to you like I did when I was little?”

Moving back a bit, Fia caressed the hair out of Elsie’s face.  “You’re sick, Els.  This is the first time you’ve been awake and coherent for days.”

“What happened?  The last thing I remember was coming home from taking care of the sick at the Abbey.”

Fia nodded.  “That’s right.  You were sick yourself.”

“I remember.  But surely I wasn’t so sick you needed to be called.”

“Els, you ran out into the cold and snow.  Richard was afraid you wouldn’t pull through.  You’ve been running a very high fever which has caused you to become lost in the past.”

Elsie closed her eyes.  “Oh no.”

“That’s what made you run.  Els, Richard has been feeling horrible for it.”

“Whatever for?”

“Because he was asleep here by your bed and you managed to get downstairs before he realized what was going on and he couldn’t stop you from going out into the weather.”  Fia shook her head.  “If you hadn’t pulled through, I’m not sure Richard would have been able to continue on as a doctor.”

“But it wasn’t his fault.”  Elsie whispered then coughed and frowned at the tightness in her chest.

Sitting up, Fia poured a bit of water into the glass she kept on the night table by the bed.  “Here, Lass.”  She helped Elsie sip at the water.  “Easy.”

Elsie sighed as she laid back against her pillows.  “Oh,” she breathed and cleared her throat.

“That’s what had us all worried.  That cough is terrible.”

“Fia?”  Richard called as he knocked on the door.  “Is everything alright?”

Fia looked at Elsie and smiled before getting out of bed and wrapping her dressing gown around her.  Turning the bedside lamp on, she answered their visitor.  “Yes, Richard, come in.”

Richard opened the door and stared at Elsie.  “You’re awake.”

Elsie nodded.  “I am.”

Making is way over to her side of the bed, Richard reached out and touched her forehead.  “You’re fever’s broke.  Finally,” he breathed as an after thought.

“She was dreaming about being cold.”  Fia told him.  “Then she woke up and wanted to know why she was snuggled against me.”

Richard smiled at Elsie as she blushed.  “It’s good to see you awake.  We were all so worried.”

Pulling her hand out from under the blankets, Elsie took Richard’s from her forehead and held it.  “None of this was your fault.”

“Elsie,” Richard started but stopped when she squeezed his hand.

“No.  Fia told me what happened.  I’m sorry, Richard.  After you woke me from my nightmares, I should have told you the truth.  You might have been better prepared.”  Smiling tiredly at him, her eyes drifted closed.  “Please stop blaming yourself.  I’m fine now.  I’m not going to leave you.”

Richard turned to Fia in surprise.  “Did you tell her?”

“I didn’t say a word.”  Fia whispered as she shook her head.  “I only told her that I’d told you and Isobel about our past.”  Smiling at the man, she winked at him.  “You know what they say about talking to a sick person.”

“She must have heard me.”  Richard whispered as he gently tucked Elsie’s hand back under the covers.  “Sleep well, Lass.”

“Go on back to sleep, Richard.  I think our Elsie is going to be okay now.”

“If we can just get rid of that cough and clear up her lungs.  No fever is a very good sign.”  He smiled then yawned.  “I think I can rest easier now.”

“I think we all can.”


	14. Chapter 14

“It’s so good to see you up and about.”  Beryl smiled at her friend as she sat the tray down that she’d brought in with tea and biscuits.  “I’ve brought your favorites,” she told Elsie as she handed her a biscuit.

Elsie hummed her pleasure when she bit into the chocolaty goodness.  “You’ve put more chocolate in,” she murmured.

Beryl nodded as she handed Elsie a cup of tea.  “I did.  I thought you deserved a bit more after what you’ve been through.”

Elsie coughed a bit and scowled then took a small sip of her tea.  “Now if only this bloody cough would go away.”

“I’m just happy to see you up and about.”  Beryl stared down into her tea.  “I was so worried.  I,” her voice cracked and she shook her head.

“I’m okay, Beryl.”  Elsie told her friend gently.

Beryl nodded and sniffed into her handkerchief then looked up at her friend.  “I’ve grown quite fond of you.”

“And I’ve grown quite fond of you.  You saw me through a very frightening time in my life.  I couldn’t have made it without you, Beryl.”

Beryl smiled and wiped at her eyes.  “Where is your sister?”

“Fia went with Isobel to do some shopping in Ripon.  I was only able to convince her to go when I told her you were coming to spend your day off with me.”

“It’s good for her to go out.  She’s a lovely lady, your sister.  Nothing like you though.”

Elsie blinked and looked down into her tea.  Biting her bottom lip, she swirled the amber liquid about, wondering if she should tell Beryl what Fia had told Richard and Isobel.

“Elsie?  Did I say something wrong?”

“No, Beryl.  It’s just that there are things you don’t know about me.”

“Things that cause you to have nightmares?”

“Yes.”  Elsie nodded.  “Did you ever hear me at Downton?”

“I did.  Came to your room a few times.”

Elsie blinked in surprise at that and looked up at her friend.  “You did?”

“I did.  Calmed you so that no one else would hear and then went back to my own bed.”

“Why did you never say?  I always woke up and wondered what had happened.”

“I never said because I knew you would be embarrassed.”  Beryl shrugged.  “Your past was none of my business.”

“It is something you should know.  It wouldn’t be right for the others to know and not you.  Not when you’ve known me the longest.”

“I only knew Mrs. Hughes.  I haven’t known Elsie any longer than Richard or Isobel.”

Elsie smiled at her friend making the distinction.  “Well, now that you know Elsie, she has a few things she needs to tell you.”  The smile fading from her face, she fidgeted with the biscuit on the napkin spread across her lap.  “My past isn’t a very nice one, Beryl.  I,” she bit her lip.  “Fia and I only share a mother.  I, we,” she closed her eyes in shame.  “I’m the product of a rape.”

Beryl gasped and sat her cup down as she stood and moved to Elsie’s side.  “Oh Elsie.  There’s no shame in that.  At least not your shame.”  Tilting her head when Elsie looked up at her.  “But your father made it your shame, didn’t he?”

Elsie nodded.  “He wouldn’t believe Mam when she tried to tell him what happened.  He thought that she’d stepped out on him.  I was always the stain on his good name.”

“And he beat you and mistreated you.  Didn’t love you.”  Beryl caressed Elsie’s cheek.  “Your mother never loved you like she should.  Only your Fia.”

“How did you know?”

“I only guessed.  I’m so sorry, Elsie.  I understand your reaction to the treatment of Ethel’s baby better now.”

“I saw myself in the wee one.”

“I know that now.”

“My da was a horrible man, Beryl.  I know that I was remembering things while I was feverish.  Did you hear the things I was saying?”

“I did.”

“Our baby brother was born too soon because Da beat Mam.  She died that night along with the bairn.  Fia had always protected me as best she could, but as time went on after Mam’s death, Da got worse.  One night he was so drunk and so angry,” Elsie swallowed and closed her eyes, her hand gripping Beryl’s.  “If Fia hadn’t stepped in, he would have killed me.  She knew that.  She told me to run to the neighbors and ask them to take me to our grandparents.  Mam’s parents had always loved me and doted on me to make up for the lack of it from my parents.  I didn’t do what Fia told me to at first because I knew Da would hurt her, but she yelled at me and made me go.  She stayed behind and let Da beat her while I ran off.  She sent word to Grandda not to come, not to take her away.”  Opening her eyes, Elsie’s tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at Beryl.  “She was protecting me again.  She knew that Da would come after her and find me and she knew what would happen if he did.  She stayed with Da until her husband came along.  She left with him and never looked back.  I didn’t see her for several years.  Not until she wrote to tell me she’d married and was happy.”

“But her husband doesn’t like you.”  Beryl commented.

“No.  Duncan hates me, but I’ve never blamed him.  He knows what Da did to Fia.”

“But Elsie, you were just a little girl.  He can’t possibly hold you responsible for your father’s actions.”

“It’s because of me Fia stayed.”

“Doesn’t he know everything?”

Elsie shook her head.  “He won’t listen when Fia tries to tell him.”

“Fool he is then.”

Elsie wiped at her face and blew her nose then took a sip of her tea and snarled.  “Cold.”

Beryl chuckled slightly.  “Let me go pour it out.  We’ll get you a fresh cup.”

“Thank you.”  Elsie squeezed her friend’s hand.  “Now you know Elsie.”

“And it doesn’t change a thing.  Just explains things about the woman that always seemed a bit of a mystery.”

 

~*~

 

Richard smiled as he walked into the sitting room and found Elsie asleep on the settee, Beryl reading in the arm chair by the fire.  “Hello, Beryl,” he whispered.

“Hello.”  Beryl quietly returned the greeting.  Standing, she motioned for him to sit down.  “I’ll go make you some tea and check dinner.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Beryl.”

“I know, but she fell asleep and I needed something to do.”  Beryl winked at him as she left the room.

Richard chuckled and shook his head as he sat down.  Watching his wife sleep, he sighed in contentment.  She was well enough to be out of her bed, though not strong enough to navigate the stairs by herself, which had been a bit of a tussle this morning.  His smile widened when he thought of her fussing at him in the Gaelic, using words that he’d not heard in a long time, and only ever in a pub.  Her temper had been in rare form this morning and he’d loved every minute of it.  So had his sister-in-law.

He rolled his eyes.

She’d been of no help at all after helping Elsie to dress.

Seeing Elsie’s eyes flutter open, he smiled.  “Hello, Lass,” he greeted her softly.  “How was your day?”

Elsie hummed as she sat up and stretched a bit.  “My day was good with a bit of an exception.”

“Oh?”

“I told Beryl about me.”

“Oh, Lass.”  Richard breathed as he moved to sit beside her.  Caressing the hair from her cheek, he smiled when she looked at him with a perplexed look on her face.  “What is it?”

“I,” she bit her lip.  “I don’t know.  It’s just that when you touch me,” she shrugged and began to chew on her bottom lip.

“Ah.”  Richard scolded gently as he tapped her lip with his finger.  “You’ll mar that lip if you don’t stop.  Adorable as that habit may be.”

“Richard?”  Elsie whispered his name as she stared into his eyes.  “When I was sick did you…I thought I heard you…” she stopped and frowned before taking a deep breath and plunging in.  “Did you tell me you,”

“Did I tell you that I’m in love with you?  Is that what you’re asking, Lass?”

“Yes.”  She nodded, her eyes still holding his.

“Yes, I did.  And I’ll tell you again.”  Richard reached up to caress her cheek.  “I’m in love with you, Elsie Clarkson.  I know that you probably won’t ever let yourself fall in love again, and I understand.  I just want you to know that I’ll love you enough for both of us.”

“Shh.”  Elsie hushed him.  “I don’t know if I’m in love with you, Richard, but I know that something is happening.  Just be patient with me.”

“I won’t rush you.  And I don’t ask for anything, Elsie.  That’s not why I told you.”  Leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead, he pulled back and sighed, “I only wanted you to know that someone else loves you because you’ve had so little of it in your life.  You deserve all the love I can give you.  That’s all.  Nothing more.”

Elsie felt tears in her eyes and sniffed as she clasped his hand.  “You’re a dear sweet man, Richard Clarkson.”

Richard shrugged.  “No.  Just a simple man who happens to find himself in love with his wife.”  He smiled and handed Elsie his handkerchief.  “Blow your nose and dry your eyes before Beryl comes back and beats me for making you cry.”

Elsie laughed at that and shook her head.  “She wouldn’t beat you when she learned the truth.”

“No, I suppose she wouldn’t.”  Richard sniffed the air.  “Did she make dinner?”

“Yes, she did.  I told her she didn’t have to, but she said she needed something to do while I napped.”

“It smells wonderful.”

“I should hope so.”  Beryl said as she came into the room.  “Dinner is done and ready whenever the two of you are.  I’m going to head home now.  Don’t want to be out after dark.”

“I can call for a taxi to take you home, Beryl.”

Beryl waved her hand.  “No.  I’m fine walking home.”

“I insist, Beryl.  It’s gotten colder.”

Beryl rolled her eyes.  “Doctors.”

Elsie laughed at that and Richard looked at her with a grin.  Shrugging, she shook her head.  “I didn’t say anything to her.”

Beryl frowned.  “What are you two on about?”

“You explain while I go call for a taxi.”  Richard squeezed Elsie’s hand before standing up and leaving the room.

Beryl raised her eyebrow as she looked at Elsie.  “And just what was that?”

“The laughing?”  Elsie asked knowing full well that wasn’t what Beryl meant.

“Elsie Clarkson.”

Elsie sighed and looked down at her hands.  “He’s in love with me, Beryl.”

Beryl smiled as she moved to sit down beside Elsie.  Patting her hands, she studied her friend’s face.  “And how does that make you feel?”

“A bit afraid.”  Elsie admitted quietly.  Looking up at Beryl, she turned her hand and squeezed the warm one resting on hers.  “I don’t know if,” she bit her lip.

“But Elsie, it’s different this time.”  Beryl smiled at her and lowered her voice.  “He’s already confessed to loving you.”

“Oh Beryl.”  Elsie sighed.  “I don’t know what’s happening, but maybe I’m falling in love too.”

“Just let it happen, Elsie.  Richard Clarkson is a good, fine man who isn’t afraid to show you how much he cares.”

“I asked him to be patient with me.”

“And I’m sure he will be.”  Beryl squeezed her hand.  “I’ll see you next Thursday.”

“Thank you for staying with me today, Beryl.”

“No thanks needed.  That’s what friends are for.”  Beryl winked.  “I expect to hear some more about your blossoming romance next week.”

“Oh!”  Elsie huffed as she smiled at her friend.  “Insufferable woman!” she called after her.

“That’s why you love me!”  Beryl called back, smiling up at Richard as he helped her with her coat.  “You take care not to hurt her, Richard Clarkson.”  She turned serious as she pinned her hat on.

“I promise, Beryl.  If I hurt her, I give you permission to beat me.”

“And don’t think I won’t.”

“Don’t think you won’t, what?”  Fia asked as she and Isobel came in.  “A taxi is outside.”

“That’ll be mine.”  Beryl told them.  “Richard will explain.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Beryl.  See you next week.”  Isobel told the woman then turned to look at Richard as he shut the door.  “So?  What was she talking about?”

Richard looked at Fia.  “I told Elsie.”

Fia smiled and nodded.  “And Beryl warned you not to hurt Els or she’d beat you.”

“I actually told her she could if I did.”

Isobel frowned.  “Would you two kindly care to fill me in on what it is you’re on about?”

“Richard is in love with Els.”  Fia answered.

Isobel’s eyes widened then a grin appeared on her face.  “You devil.”

Richard blushed a bit.  “It just happened.  I didn’t set out to fall in love with her, I only wanted a companion.”

Isobel reached out and touched his arm.  “Richard, it’s alright.  Being in love is much better than just a companion.”

Fia nodded.  “Much better.”  She winked at him.  “I know my Els.  She’s probably already falling and just not sure.”

“Hey!”  Elsie’s voice echoed in to them.  “Did you forget about me?”

Fia laughed as she hurriedly took off her coat and hat.  Picking up the packages she’d brought in with her, she walked to the sitting room.  “Keep your knickers on, Els.”

“Fia!  For heaven’s sake.”  Elsie hissed.

Richard looked at Isobel and couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Would you like to stay to dinner?  I’m sure Beryl’s fixed enough.”

Isobel shook her head.  “No.  I’ll be going.  My motor is waiting.  I’ll be over tomorrow to visit.”

“Fia!  What in the world were you thinking?”  Elsie’s voice drifted out of the sitting room.

Richard’s eyebrows shot up at the words that followed the question.  “Oh.  What in the world did Fia buy on your trip?”

“What did she say?”  Isobel asked instead of answering, the look on Richard’s face making her curious.

“It isn’t proper talk for a lady to hear.”  Richard whispered.

Isobel laughed and shook her head.  “I’ll be going.  Goodnight, Richard.”  She winked at him just before opening the door.  “Maybe one day you’ll see just exactly what it was that Fia bought.”

Richard blinked in surprise at Isobel’s parting words then shook his head as he closed the door.  He’d been right when he said that he didn’t think he could handle the Hughes sisters.

Crazy women.

Then he smiled.

He really had only wanted a companion when he asked Elsie to marry him, but he’d gained so much more.  A wife he loved, a new sister, and two women who were becoming great friends.  He was sure the four of them were going to be a combination that got him into all sorts of trouble.

“I’ve always loved a bit of trouble,” he mumbled as he went into the sitting room to see what all the fussing was about. 

Life was good.


	15. Chapter 15

Elsie held Fia tight, tears streaking her cheeks.  “I hate to see you go,” she whispered.

“Shh, Els.”  Fia whispered, her own cheeks tear stained.  “I promise to come visit more, and you must promise to come home more.”  She smiled when Elsie pulled back and looked at her.  “Things may never be to where you can stay with me, but I can let you know by phone when Duncan will be gone.”

Elsie nodded.  “Or you can come see us when we visit Richard’s Lorna.”

“Richard says his sister likes you.”

“And I like her, but she’s not my Fi.”  Elsie whispered.

“No one will ever be your Fi but me, Els.  I’ll always be yours.  Always.”  Fia caressed Elsie’s cheek.  “I love you, Els.”

Elsie wrapped her arms back around Fia.  “I love you,” she whispered before pulling away again.  “Fi?”

“Yes, Els?”

“Do you think,” she paused and bit her lip.  “Do you think he’s still alive?”

Fia didn’t have to ask who the he was.  “I don’t know, Els.  The last thing I heard about him was that he’d went on one of his trips and never came back.  He was worthless as a farmer anyway.”

Elsie worried her bottom lip.  “You don’t think he’ll ever try to find us, do you?”

“If he’s still alive, which is unlikely the way he drank,” Fia shrugged.  “I doubt it, Els.  After all of these years, he’s forgot all about us.”

“I hope so.”

“If he were to ever show up, your man wouldn’t hesitate to show him just exactly what he thinks of him.”  Fia smiled at the blush that crept into her sister’s cheeks.  “He’s a good man, Els, and though he isn’t a violent man, I believe he’d hit Da and ask questions later.”

Elsie smiled slightly at that.  “Richard is rather wonderful,” she admitted quietly.

“Then don’t be afraid to love him, Els.”  Fia kissed her cheek.  “I need to go and finish getting myself ready to leave.  Richard will be here any minute to take me to the station.”

Elsie sniffed into her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes.  “I wish I could go with you.”

Fia shook her head.  “Oh no you don’t.  You aren’t going out in the cold until Richard says you can.”  She winked as she stood up to leave the room.  “You need to get better so that you can show that husband of yours just what it was I bought that you were fussing about.”

“Fia!”

 

~*~

 

Richard kissed Fia’s cheek.  “She’s going to miss you.  We both are.”  He smiled.  “I like having another sister.”

“And I like having a brother.”  Fia smiled at him.  “I think Els is in love with you, Richard.  She’s just very scared.  Be patient with her.”

“I promised her that I wouldn’t push her.  If she never changes the way things are now, I’ll be fine with it.”  Richard smiled as he helped Fia on with her coat.  “I can love her enough for the both of us.”

Fia smiled at Richard as she pinned her hat on her head.  “My Els is a very lucky lady.  You’re one of a kind, Richard Clarkson.  Thank you for taking such very good care of my sister.”

“I’m the lucky one, Fia.”  Richard whispered.  “Let me go tell Elsie we’re leaving then I’ll help you out to the waiting taxi.”

“You don’t have to go with me.”

“And have Elsie turn into the Scottish dragon?”  Richard shook his head, a twinkle in his eyes.  “No thank you.”

Fia watched him as he walked away, wondering about the side of her sister that was a housekeeper.  She’d not been around her sister much since thanks to her blessed Duncan.  She only knew Elsie through letters but she was just her sister in those writings.

Hearing Richard come back, she studied him as he put on his coat and hat.  “Is she really a dragon?”

“She can be when she has to.”  Richard shrugged.  “It’s how she’s protected herself all of these years.  I always knew that I didn’t want to cross her, especially after I’d seen her turn into the dragon, but I never believed that’s who she really was.”

“I’ve never seen that side of her.”

“Because when she’s with you, she’s just Elsie, Fia’s little sister.”  Richard smiled as he opened the door then picked up Fia’s bag.  “She lets herself just _be_ with you because she knows she doesn’t have to protect herself.”

“After all of her years always keeping a wall around herself, she enjoys letting me take over, giving me the control.”

Richard nodded as he helped Fia into the taxi, having handed her bag over to the driver.  Climbing in next to her, he smiled as he looked over at the woman he’d come to know very well over the last two weeks.  “She’ll always be that way with you.  She needs that.”

Fia shook her head.  “She doesn’t need it now like she did.  Not being in charge of that household has changed things.”

“Did she say anything about missing it?”

“No, she didn’t.”

“I wonder some times.  I know being the wife of a village doctor has to be a bit boring for her after being the housekeeper at Downton.”

Reaching over, Fia squeezed Richard’s hand.  “I don’t think she’s as bored as you would think.  She doesn’t have to get up before the sun and go to bed a few short hours before she gets up again to start all over.  She doesn’t have to worry about sternly reminding young maids that they’re not to have gentleman callers and being called mean and harsh and other things that young girls call those who take away their fun.  She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to anymore.  You’ve given her something she’s not had since Grandda and Grandmam passed and Els left Scotland.  You’ve given her freedom.  And,” Fia lowered her voice as the taxi stopped at their destination.  “You’ve given her love, the one thing my Els has been lacking in for all of her life.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie stirred when she felt eyes on her.  “Richard,” she whispered, blinking as she sat up.  “What time is it?”

“Nearly dinner time, Lass.”

Eyes going wide, she tried to get up.  “Richard, let me up.  Dinner should have been nearly done by now.”

“Shh, Elsie.  Easy now.  I’ve brought dinner home.  Isobel brought it to me at the hospital.  She said that she knew that Fia was leaving today and she didn’t want you to have to worry about fixing a meal.”

Elsie sighed and shook her head.  “I’m going to get soft with all of this pampering.”

Reaching up, Richard smoothed her hair before cupping her cheek.  “You were so sick, Elsie.  I thought,” he paused and swallowed to clear the catch in his voice.  “We all thought we were going to lose you.  Just this once, let us pamper you for a while, hmm?”

Elsie turned her face into his hand and gave him a bit of a wobbly smile.  “But you didn’t lose me, I’m right here.”

“Thank Heaven above for that.”

Covering his hand with hers, Elsie sniffed.  “Oh now look what you’ve done.”

Richard laughed as he reached into his pocket for his handkerchief.  “You know, Lass,” he started as he wiped at her eyes and nose.  “this is getting to be a bit of a habit.”

Elsie’s laughter joined his.  “I’ll have to buy you new ones.”

“No, Lass.  It’s not a habit I mind.  Though I do hate to see you cry.”

Nodding, she sniffed again then laughed when he chuckled.  “I hate crying.  I also hate being hungry.”

Richard’s chuckles turned into full out laughter at that.  “I’ll go set things on the table.”

“I’ll wait right here.”

“That’s my girl.”

“I’m far from a girl, Richard Clarkson.”

Richard winked at her.  “Compared to me, you’re a girl.”

Elsie rolled her eyes.  “You’re not that much older than me.”

“I’m only a year younger than Fia, Elsie.”

Elsie blinked at that.  She hadn’t realized he was that much older than her.  “That still doesn’t make me a girl.”

Richard rolled his eyes before standing and making his way out of the room toward the kitchen.  “Fine then, Lass,” he called over his shoulder, loving the sound of her laughter as it echoed about their small cottage.

 

~*~

 

Startled from his sleep, Richard hurriedly got out of bed, grabbing his dressing gown as he went.  Tying the belt just as he reached her door, he opened it to find his wife tossing about and whimpering in her sleep.

“Shh, Elsie,” he whispered as he sat down beside her.  “It’s alright, Lass.  Wake up.”

Sitting up, Elsie buried herself against his chest, shivering in the cool air of the room and from her dream.  “He was coming for me,” she whispered.

Surprised but a moment, Richard wrapped his arms around her, his hand gently caressing her back.  “You’re safe, Mo bhean.”

Elsie shivered at the deep brogue and snuggled closer.  “Richard?”

“Hmm?”

“Hold me while I go back to sleep?”

Looking down at her when she titled her head back, Richard studied her blue eyes in the dim light of the fire.  “You know that I’ll do anything you ask, Elsie.  Settle back against your pillows while I put more coal on the fire.”

Elsie nodded and did as told, her eyes watching every move he made until he was settled on the bed beside her, his arms once again holding her close.  “Sing to me?”

Richard pressed a kiss to her head.  “You remember that?”

“Vaguely,” she whispered as she listened to his heart beating beneath her ear.  Its steady rhythm soothed her troubled spirit and she began to relax as he started to sing softly the same lullaby he’d sang to her to calm her the night she’d gotten so ill.

Richard could hardly contain his joy at having her seek out his comfort in this way.  He hated that she’d had a nightmare again, but he relished in the knowledge that she had at least some feelings for him to have asked him to stay with her and hold her.

Feeling her breathing even out, he stopped singing the words to the lullaby and switched to just humming the melody.  After a few more minutes, sure that she was in a deep sleep, he slipped his arms from around her, easing her back against her pillows. 

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he caressed his lips over to her temple.  “I love you, Mo bhean.  I promise I won’t let you be hurt,” he whispered into her soft hair.  He had never been one to use his connections to the wealthy citizens he dealt with, but in this case, so that he could ease his wife’s mind, he intended to use the highest he had.  Lord Grantham.  If anyone could learn whether Elsie’s father was still alive, it would be the lord of Downton Abbey.


	16. Chapter 16

“I have an appointment to see Lord Grantham, Mr. Carson.”  Richard told the man when the door opened.

“He’s waiting for you in the library, Dr. Clarkson.”  Charles countered as he closed the door.  “If you’ll give your coat and hat to Alfred, I’ll see you through.”

Richard nodded as he took of his coat and hat, handing them to Alfred with a smile at the young man.  He could feel the tension between himself and Charles, but chose to ignore it.  Following behind the butler, his thoughts were focused on how he would ask what he’d come here for without having to explain it all to the Earl.

“How is Mrs. Clarkson?  I heard that she was taken ill.”  Charles asked quietly just before they entered the library.

“She’s just fine, Mr. Carson.”

“Good to hear.”  Charles nodded.  “Dr. Clarkson has arrived, Your Lordship.”

“Thank you, Carson.”  Robert acknowledged as he stood.  “Would you like a drink?” he asked his guest.

Richard shook his head.  “No thank you.”

Robert nodded.  “That will be all, Carson.”

“Yes, Your Lordship.”  Charles bowed slightly then left the room.

“Now, what was it you wanted to speak to me about?”  Robert asked getting down to business.

“I wanted to ask if you could learn if someone is alive or dead.”

Robert blinked in surprise.  “Dr. Clarkson?”

Richard took a deep breath.  “I need you to do what you can to find Elsie, Mrs. Clarkson’s, father.”

Robert looked at Richard, studying the man.  This was an unusual request for a man who had the means to find out this information himself with his status as a doctor.  “I don’t understand why you’re asking me.  This is something you could do as a doctor.”

Richard shook his head.  “If I knew where he was and if he was in hospital, but I don’t know where the man is.”  Holding Robert’s gaze, he took a deep breath and lowered his voice.  “I know that this place has ears, and I ask that this be kept between us.”

Robert moved closer so that they could keep their voices low enough not to be heard.  “What is it?”

“I need to know if the man is alive or dead.  It’s the only way my wife will ever find any sort of peace of mind.”

“I’ll do what I can.”  Robert assured the man, not questioning him any further, realizing that he wouldn’t give anymore information that he had.  “She deserves whatever I can do after all of the years she took care of my family.  Just tell me his name and last known whereabouts.”

“I can give you his name, but not the whereabouts.  You know that she’s from Argyll, but he left there and no one knows where he went.  He was a drunk with a wanderlust.”  Richard pulled out the paper he’d written what he knew about the man on and handed it to Robert.  “Please, be careful who hears you in your quest.  I don’t want,” he stopped and looked at Robert, hoping he’d understand.

“Would it be a problem if I handed this over to Mama?  That would take care of your worries about Carson.  I believe we can contact our cousin in Scotland and have better luck learning anything than if I were to try from here.”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to slight the man, but he is the reason she left.”  Richard sighed then nodded.  “I think it would be a good thing for the Dowager to conduct this business from her home.”  He stood.  “I need to be going.  Mrs. Clarkson doesn’t know that I’m doing this.”

Robert stood and shook the man’s hand.  “We’ll do everything we can, Dr. Clarkson.  It’s the least we can do for her.  How is her health?  We were all worried when we learned how ill she was.”

“She’s much better.  Not completely well, but a few more weeks of resting should see her back to full health.”

“That’s good to hear.  The family wishes her well and we all miss her.  Things just haven’t been the same around here without her.”

“Thank you for that.”  Richard told the man as he walked from the library, meeting Thomas who held out his hat and coat.  “Thank you, Mr. Barrow.”

“You’re welcome, Dr. Clarkson.”  Thomas bit his lip then said what he’d wanted to.  “I’m happy to hear that Mrs. Clarkson’s well.”

Richard looked at Thomas sharply.  “Mr. Barrow,” he started.

“I only heard about her health, Dr. Clarkson.”  Thomas assured the man.

“Thank you.”

 

~*~

 

Charles sat staring down at his desk.  It hadn’t been proper of him to send Thomas up while he sat here, but after the awkwardness of seeing Dr. Clarkson, he felt it was best.  Hearing a knock at the door, he looked up and smiled slightly.  “What is it?”

Moira closed the door behind her then walked over to stand beside him.  “What’s wrong?”

“Just thinking.”

“About her?”

“No, Moira.”  Charles denied then sighed, “Only in that it was awkward answering the door to Clarkson and showing him to the library.  Things were never like that before.  He and I always got along quite well, actually.”

“Did you ask how she is?”

“You know that I did.”

“And?”

“She’s well.”

“That’s good then.”  Reaching out, Moira caressed his cheek.  “Take a walk with me?  Mr. Barrow has things well in hand and there’s time before you need to sound the dressing gong.”

“It’s cold out, Moira.”

“Yes, it is.”  Moira nodded, indicating his coat and hat over her shoulder.

Nodding, Charles stood and took her hand.  “I believe, Mrs. Carson, a walk is just what I need.”

Moira smiled as she watched him pull on his coat and pick up his hat.  “Let me go get my coat and hat.  Put your scarf on, Charles.”

Charles shook his head, his hand reaching out for the scarf he’d left behind.  “Yes, Ma’am.”

Moira smiled up at him as they walked down the hall to her sitting room.  “Thank you.”

Charles frowned down at her as he helped her on with her coat.  “What are you thanking me for?”

“This.”

“It’s a walk, Moira.”

“Yes, it is,” she whispered as she held his hand and walked alongside him as they made their way to the door.

Charles heard it in her voice and squeezed her hand.  “I promised to try, Moira.”

“I know.”

Stepping outside, he pulled her close.  “Come on then.  We’d best make this a fast walk.”

Moira laughed at the sound of his voice shaking in the cold.  “The cold fresh air will do us good, Charles Carson,” she told him as she tugged his scarf, wrapping it tighter around his neck.

Pulling her shawl closer around her, Charles nudged her to walk and they made their way down the path to the gardens.  “Christmas is around the corner.”

“Yes, it is.”  Moira sighed and moved closer to him.  “You’ll show me how to dance the proper way?”

“Nervous about dancing with Lord Grantham?”

“You know that I am, you daft man.”

Charles chuckled and patted her hand.  “I’ll show you.  You’ll be just fine, Moira.”

Looking up at him when they stopped to turn back toward the house.  “I think I will be, Mr. Carson.  I think I will.”

 

~*~

 

“Richard?”

“Yes.”  Richard answered as he hung up his hat and coat.  Smiling as he came into the sitting room, he raised his eyebrow when he saw the mending basket on his wife’s lap.  “What are you doing?”

“Mending your socks.  What does it look like?”  Elsie smirked and shook her head.

“You’re supposed to be resting, not mending my socks.”

“Richard,” she sighed.  “This isn’t stressful or tiring.  I can’t take just sitting about.”

Richard smiled as he bent to press a kiss to her forehead.  “Fine then, Lass.”

“Thank you.”  Elsie returned his smile.

“Elsie, there’s something we need to discuss.”

Elsie frowned as she sat aside her mending.  “What is it?”

“You know that I have a standing invitation to the Servant’s Ball.”

Elsie looked down at her hands.  “I do, but I’ll not go.”

“And I’ll not go without you.”

“You should.  It would be easy enough to make excuses for me with my health.”

“It would, yes, but I don’t want to.  I was thinking that maybe we could go and visit Lorna.”

“Leave the hospital?”

“A friend is in visiting his family.  He’s always told me he’d be glad to help any time he’s here.”

“Oh but, Richard, that wouldn’t be fair to him to take him away from his family over Christmas.”

“We wouldn’t have to be gone long.  Just the day before and the day of the ball.”

Elsie bit her lip.  “And I could see Fia.”

“Yes.  I think Lorna would like to meet Fia.”  Reaching up, Richard tapped her bottom lip.  “Stop worrying your lip.”

Elsie shrugged.  “Habit.”

“So?  Do I call my friend?”

“Alright then.  We’ll go visit our sisters,” she gave in half heartedly.

“We don’t have to, Elsie.  We can stay here and I can just decline the invitation.”

“I,” she bit her lip then shook her head and stopped.  “You would do that?”

“I’ll do anything for you, Elsie.”

“I would love to see our sisters, but,”

“But?”

“Can we just stay here?  It’s our first Christmas.”

Smiling, Richard caressed her cheek.  “Our first and you’d like it to be just the two of us, hmm?”

“I know it’s silly, but everything is changing between us and I just think that until,” she shook her head.  “Oh I don’t know.”

“I understand, Elsie.”

Elsie smiled.  “Good, because I’m not sure that I do.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Richard, what is this?”  Elsie asked as she took the pouch he handed her.

“A bit of money to buy yourself something.  Maybe a new dress for Christmas,” he suggested.

“But Richard,” she started to argue, stopping when Isobel squeezed her arm and shook her head.

“Now, Elsie.  When a man gives you money, especially if he suggests that it might be used for a dress, you accept it without fuss.  It doesn’t happen often,” she teased and winked at Richard who simply chuckled.

Elsie shook her head.  “Fine then.”

“Now that that’s settled, Isobel will go with you to Rippon.  Have a good day and stay bundled up.  I don’t want you getting sick again.”

“Doctors.”  Elsie fussed, rolling her eyes when Richard grinned at her.

“Can be quite fun as husbands.”  Isobel whispered in her ear.

Elsie’s eyes widened, her cheeks flushed.  “Isobel!”

Richard chuckled and shook his head, he could only imagine what Isobel had said…the woman could be quite cheeky.  “I’ll be going now.”  Looking at them both, he pointed at them.  “Stay out of trouble, hmm?” he teased.

“Oh, hush now.”  Isobel shooed him out with her hand.  “I’ll take care of her and have her home before dark.”

Richard nodded then leaned over to place a kiss to Elsie’s cheek.  “Have a good day, Elsie.”

Clasping his hand, Elsie smiled up at him.  “You too.  I hope your day is easy.”

“Thank you, Lass.”

Isobel smiled as she watched the couple.  She could see the love they had for one another, although she knew that Elsie still hadn’t acknowledged that she was in love with her husband.

Elsie watched Richard leave the room then turned to Isobel.  “What are you smiling about?”

“You’re in love with your husband.”

“Isobel.”  Elsie hushed her.  Hearing the door close, she frowned at her friend.  “I don’t know what I am.”

“I’ve just told you.  You’re in love with him.”

“I can’t possibly be.”

“And why not?”

“Because I,”

“Yes?”  Isobel waited for an answer, her eyebrow arched.

“I,” Elsie started again then sat down and stared into the fire.  “Maybe I am.”

Sitting beside Elsie, Isobel wrapped her arm around her shoulders.  “It’s okay to be in love with him, Elsie.  You already know that he loves you so he can’t hurt you that way.”

“I know.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m afraid, Isobel.  Love isn’t something that comes easily for me.”

“I know that, my friend.”  Isobel smiled when Elsie looked at her.  “Come on.  The motor’s waiting to take us to Rippon.”

Elsie fidgeted with the pouch Richard had given her.  “I really shouldn’t.”

“Yes, you should.  He gave you the money because he wants you to have something new to wear for Christmas.”  Isobel took a deep breath then clasped Elsie’s hands in hers.  “He’s noticed how your dresses aren’t fitting you as they should anymore.  You’ve lost weight, Elsie.”  Smiling, she tugged at Elsie’s hands as she stood up.  “I would guess that there is enough money in that little pouch to buy more than just one dress, or at least buy what you need to make your own.”

Elsie blinked in surprise.  “Why didn’t he just say?”

“Because he’s too nice, and so very much in love with his wife, that he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“Oh Isobel.”

 

~*~

 

“Elsie, that’s beautiful.”  Isobel smiled at her friend in the mirror.  “It brings out the color of your eyes.”

“But blue isn’t very festive for Christmas.”

“No, but this is.”  Isobel held up a dark green dress with an ivory lace insert at the neck and the same ivory lace on the sleeves.  “You can afford both with what Richard gave you.”  She winked at Elsie.  “I told you there would be enough for at least two.”

“But he shouldn’t have, Isobel.”

“Elsie, he makes enough from the Crawleys alone that he can afford for you to buy some new dresses.  Knowing the man like I do, I would say he would have given you more if he’d thought it wouldn’t have upset you.”

“I have money to buy new dresses.”  Elsie frowned.

“He knows that.  But Elsie, he’s your husband.  It’s his job to provide for you.”  Isobel smiled as she laid a hand on her friend’s arm.  “He’s not like your father, Elsie.  He won’t make you work and pay for everything while he does nothing, and he doesn’t expect you to become a weak and dependant woman, he knows you better than that.  He only wants to take care of you like a proper man who loves his wife should do.”

“I’ve not had a man take care of me since Grandda.”

“Then don’t you think it’s time?  Hmm?”

“Fine then.”  Elsie smiled as she nodded.  “Let me go try that dress on then would you mind if we went to look at some fabrics?  Making new clothes will give me something to do with all of my free time.”

“I don’t mind at all.  Have you thought of what you’re going to get Richard for Christmas?”

Elsie sighed as she moved behind the dressing screen.  “He needs a new hat, I’ve noticed.  And I’ve been knitting him a scarf.  After this though, I want to do more, I just don’t know what,” she finished just before stepping out to show Isobel the new dress.  “What do you think?”

“See for yourself.”  Isobel smiled and motioned to the mirror.

Elsie blinked in surprise at how well the dress fit.  “Oh my.”

“It’s perfect.”  Isobel winked at her in the mirror.  “Now, go change back into your clothes and I’ll take these to the front counter.  Mrs. Warren will be happy to know you’ve found something.”

“She’ll be happy to know I’ve found two somethings.”  Elsie huffed at Isobel’s chuckle then handed over the dresses.

Isobel simply batted her eyelashes and smiled.  “Oh, hush and get dressed.  I’m hungry.”

Elsie shook her head as she buttoned her blouse.  “You’re always hungry, lady.”

Isobel just smiled and made her way to the front.  “Here you are, Mrs. Warren.  Mrs. Clarkson settled on these two.”

Elsie laughed at the delighted titter from the elderly woman.  She had to admit that the woman had good reason, she’d never in her life had dresses that fit so perfectly without any adjustments unless she’d made them herself.  Smoothing her skirt one last time, she pinned her hat on her head then grabbed her coat and handbag as she went out to the counter to pay.

“There you are.”  Isobel laughed when Elsie wrinkled her nose at her.  “Mrs. Warren was just telling me the best shop to get your fabrics and she has these for you.”

Elsie looked down at the patterns Isobel held out then looked up at Mrs. Warren.  “Oh, but I couldn’t.”

Mrs. Warren winked at Elsie and nodded as she took the patterns and put them in the box with Elsie’s dresses.  “You can.  I insist.  You’ve done an old lady’s heart good with your sweet banter.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had ladies in such as yourselves.  I don’t have many that listen to me when I make suggestions.  Not anymore.”

“Well, then they’re very foolish.”  Elsie said as she paid the woman with a smile.  “Thank you very much, Mrs. Warren.”

“Come back to see me after you’ve made the skirt and blouse.  I want to see if it works as well as I think it will.  Maybe a dark blue for the skirt and a light blue for the blouse to bring out those eyes of yours.”

Elsie blushed at the hidden praise.  “Thank you for the suggestion.  I’ll be sure to see if I can find the colors.”

Isobel helped Elsie with her boxes and chuckled as they made their way out the door.  “I never thought to see the day that Elsie Clarkson would blush so easily.”

“Oh hush.”  Elsie hissed as they handed over her packages to the driver to put in the boot.  “It’s not every day I receive so many compliments.”

 

~*~

 

Richard, having had the easy day Elsie had wished for him, had decided to do a bit of shopping himself.  He needed to get something for Elsie for Christmas, but hadn’t decided what, and had found nothing in the village until the very last shop he’d gone to.

“This is perfect.  I’d like a bit in every color, please.  And, the blues, give me more of them.”  He smiled when the shopkeeper nodded, knowing without being told just why Richard had requested more of the blues.  Paying for his purchase, he took the small paper package and tipped his hat.  “Thank you.”

“She’ll like them, Dr. Clarkson,” the young lady called out to him just before he opened the door.

Richard shook his head as he walked out into the cold, tucking his package into his inner coat pocket.  It would seem the whole of the village was following his and Elsie’s relationship, hoping to catch some tidbit of how things were going.

Well, he’d just given the girl fodder for gossip with his purchase, though he didn’t much care.  Let them spread it about.  He was in love with his wife, he didn’t care who learned of it.

He frowned as he made his way to the cottage.  This small present wasn’t enough.  Then he smiled as an idea came to him.  He knew exactly what else to buy for his wife, though it would have to be done in a hurry since he would need Lorna’s help and the gift would have to be sent to him from Scotland.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts when he neared the cottage and saw Isobel’s motorcar parked out front, he nodded to the driver, then hurried up the walk.  “Elsie!” he called as he shut the door behind him.

“In the sitting room.”  Elsie called back.

Isobel smiled at her friend.  “I’ll see you later, Elsie.  Tea tomorrow?” she asked then lowered her voice.  “We’ll go over more ideas for presents.”

Elsie nodded.  “I’d like to start working on the skirt and blouse pattern Mrs. Warren sent as well.”

“I can do that.  It’s been ages since I’ve made a dress.”

Elsie smiled and hugged her friend.  “Thank you for today, Isobel.  I had more fun than I’ve had in years.”

“Good then.”  Isobel kissed Elsie’s cheek then turned to greet Richard when they heard him come into the room.  “Hello, Richard.”

“Hello, Isobel.  It seems you both had a good day.”

“We did.  Elsie will tell you about it.  I really must be going.”  Isobel frowned.  “Dinner at the big house with that dreadful woman.”

Elsie bit her lip to keep from smirking, her twinkling eyes giving her away.  “Behave yourself.”

Isobel turned back to her friend and wrinkled her nose.  “I’m always well behaved.”

Now it was Richard’s turn to try and keep himself from smirking, a snort escaping despite his best efforts.  “Of course you are.”

“Oh!”  Isobel huffed good naturedly.  “I’m going now.”

Richard followed her out to help her with her coat.  “Thank you, Isobel.  I’ve never seen Elsie so happy.”

“No thanks necessary, Richard.  She’s my friend and I enjoyed spending the day with her.”

“All the same, thank you.”

Isobel nodded.  “How were things at the hospital today?”

“Easy, just as Elsie wished them to be.”

“Good.  I’ll be in tomorrow to tend to the paperwork before I come for a visit with Elsie.”

“Just fair warning, the Dowager will be in tomorrow morning.”

Isobel scowled.  “Call when she’s gone?”

Richard laughed and nodded as he opened the door.  “I can do that.”

Isobel nodded and walked out to the car, laughing when she heard Elsie calling out to Richard to see if he’d forgotten about her.

“No, Elsie, I didn’t.”  Richard answered her question as he turned around to find her standing right behind him.  “So, did you get a new dress?”

“Dresses,” she corrected.  “But you knew that.”

Richard shrugged.  “I had hoped that you would find more than one.”

Elsie smiled as she moved closer to him and reached out to caress his cheek.  “Thank you, though you didn’t have to.”

“Ah,” he held up his hand.  “I know that you have money, but I wanted to do this for you.  Consider it part of your Christmas present.”

“Can’t I just consider it part of my husband showing me he cares enough to notice that I need a dress that fits properly?”  Moving closer, she held his gaze.  “Cares so much that he doesn’t say that, just simply gave her money and told her to buy something for herself, only suggesting that she buy a new dress.”

Titling his face into her hand, Richard held her gaze.  “I do, you know.  I want to take care of you but I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to take away your independence.  I would never try to do that.  Your independent spirit is one of the things I’ve always admired about you.”

Moving her hand down, Elsie snuggled against him, sighing when he wrapped his arms around her.  “Thank you for that, Mo chéile.”

Richard’s heart swelled at the sound of her lilting voice saying the endearment.  Pressing a kiss to her head, he gently caressed her back.  Standing here holding her felt right, felt perfect. 

And gave him hope that she was closer to sharing her love with him openly without being afraid.


	18. Chapter 18

Richard read the telegram then looked up at Violet.  “And he’s sure?”

Violet nodded.  “I made it very clear that I did not want to hear from him until he was positive of his information.”

Nodding, Richard looked back down at the paper.  “Thank you.  You can’t know what this means.”

“I think I might.”  Violet told him quietly.  “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

Richard blinked as he looked up at Violet in surprise.  “Beg pardon, My Lady?”

“You heard me.”

“So I did.”  He nodded.  “Yes, I am.”

“From the information you gave Robert, and the information in that telegram, I can well imagine what your wife’s childhood was like.”

“I don’t think you can, My Lady, but thank you for helping me.”

Violet heard what Richard wasn’t saying, knew that the man would never tell his wife’s private affairs, and smiled as she nodded.  “I may not have been her favorite person, nor she mine, but I wasn’t very happy with Carson for what he did to her.  I’m happy to see she’s found someone to care for her as any woman should be cared for.”

Richard was shocked by the old woman’s words.  It wasn’t often she showed any sort of concern for someone outside her own.  “Thank you, My Lady.

Violet waved her hand, over her bout of sentimentality.  “Now, be off with you.  It’s Christmas Eve and we’ve both things to do.”  Looking at him, she raised an eyebrow.  “I hear you’re not attending the servant’s ball this year.”

“No, My Lady, I am not.”

“Mrs. Clarkson won’t be seen at the Abbey as a guest, am I correct?”

“Would you like to have those you once worked with, thought of as your family and friends, suddenly beneath you and serving you instead of alongside you?”

“She’s a good woman, your wife.”

“She’d be shocked to hear you say so, My Lady.”

Violet laughed at that.  “Go on now.  She’ll be accusing me of keeping you away on purpose.”

“She doesn’t know that I’m here, My Lady.  I intend to tell her when I return home.”  Taking his hat from the butler, Richard nodded his head.  “Again, I thank you.”

Violet watched the doctor leave and shook her head.  Never would she have thought that the man would be married to her son’s former housekeeper.  Of course, she never thought her son would marry an American.

Such was the way of life, she supposed.

 

~*~

 

Elsie fussed with her hair, making sure each tendril was in place.  Smoothing a hand over her dress, she turned to study herself in her mirror.  The cut of the dress was in the new style, and the length showed more of her legs than she was used to, but she was no longer a housekeeper, and going with the changing of times was something she could do now without much fuss. 

Turning back to face the mirror, she had to admit that Isobel and Mrs. Warren had been right…the color of the dress did bring out the blue of her eyes.  They seemed more intense.

Or maybe it was because she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with her husband.  Or maybe it was nerves.  Or maybe…

“Or maybe it’s all of it.”  Elsie mumbled to herself as she moved to her bed to slip on her shoes.  How Isobel had talked her into these, she wasn’t sure.  She’d needed shoes to go with her new dresses, and using her own money, well, she shrugged, she hadn’t really been that hard to talk into making the purchase.

“And if I’m honest with myself, it’s nice not to have to bend over to buckle them,” she mumbled again then rolled her eyes.  “But they’re very impractical for this weather.”

“Elsie!”

Elsie started at the sound of Richard calling her name.  She hadn’t heard him come in.  “In a minute,” she called back.  Picking up the package she’d set on her bed, she made her way out of her room downstairs to her husband, hoping he liked what he saw.

Richard heard her footsteps on the stairs and pulled the telegram from the pocket of his trousers as he walked into the sitting room.  “Elsie, I,” he started then stopped when he saw her.

“Richard?  What is it?”

Putting the telegram back in his pocket, Richard walked closer to her and reached up to caress her cheek.  “The dress, Lass.  I wasn’t expecting to be so affected.  But,” he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  “You’re beautiful.”

Elsie felt herself blushing.  “Thank you,” she managed to whisper.

“What is that in your hand?”  Richard asked as he stepped back.  “I thought all of our gifts were already under the tree.”

“Not this one.”  Elsie smiled as she handed it to him.  “You’ll need it for services in the morning.”

Taking her hand, he led them over to the settee.  “Sit down with me while I see what it is you’ve gotten me.”

Elsie sat down, beside him, biting her lip as she watched Richard opening the gift.  “I hope you like them.”

“I’m sure that I will.”  Richard told her with a wink and a smile.  Opening the box, he blinked in surprise to see a new hat with a scarf in his family colors.  “Oh Elsie.  I,” he started them turned and smiled at her.  “How did you know the colors, Lass?”

“Lorna.”

Richard shook his head and chuckled.  “It would seem my Lorna has been busy.”

“What?”

Richard set the box aside as he stood up and walked across to the tree.  “I have something for you.”

Elsie frowned at the box he handed her.  Opening it, she smiled as she finally understood what he’d meant.  Pulling the oversized tartan shawl out, she felt the softness of it then blinked when she noticed the brooch.  “Richard?”

“You can’t have my family’s colors without my coat of arms.  My great grandfather earned it in battle.”

Tears filled Elsie’s eyes as she fingered the pin.  “Richard, I,”

“Shh.”  Richard wiped at the tear on her cheek as he cupped her face and turned her to look at him.  “I wanted you to know that you have a family now, Elsie.  The shawl was my idea, the brooch was Lorna’s because she wanted you to know the same.  You’re ours now, Elsie.  Lorna sent a shawl and brooch to Fia as well.  You’re both Clarksons as far as Lorna and I are concerned.”

With a trembling hand, Elsie reached up and cupped his cheek.  “I don’t know what to say.  Thank you is so inadequate,” she whispered.

“There’s something else, Mo bhean.”

Elsie looked down into the box.  “There’s nothing here.”

“Not in the box, Elsie.”  Richard told her as he pulled the telegram from his pocket.  “It’s this.”

Elsie looked down at the paper then back up at Richard.  “Richard?”

“After you’d had the same nightmare about your father more than once, I made up my mind that I was going to do whatever I could to find out the truth about him.”  He handed her the paper.

Elsie unfolded the telegram and read the message, her eyes welling with tears, her hands shaking.  “You,” she started then pressed a hand to her mouth to stop herself from sobbing.  “You did this for me?”

“Without telling him why, I asked Lord Grantham for his help.  He in turn went to the Dowager.  Neither of them know anything, other than what they’ve conjured up in their own minds, but they were able to do what I wouldn’t have been.”  Reaching out with both hands, Richard held her face as he looked into her watery eyes.  “I love you, Elsie.  I only wanted to end your nightmares.  He isn’t going to come for you, Lass.  He’s dead.  Dead and gone.”

The box, the shawl, the brooch, the telegram…all were forgotten and slid to the floor as Elsie leaned in and hugged Richard.  “Thank you,” she breathed through her tears.  “Thank you.”  Pulling back, she stared into the grey-blue of his eyes, the fear she’d felt about letting herself admit to loving him, gone with his kind and loving gesture.  “I love you, Richard Clarkson, mo chéile.  I love you.”

 

~*~

 

Fia smiled at the sound of her sister’s voice.  “Els, what is it, Lass?  You sound, different.”  Listening to what her sister said, she felt her eyes fill, the tears spilling over.  “No more fear, Lass.  We’re free.”

Duncan listened to his wife’s conversation, wondering what his blasted sister-in-law was saying.  Did she have to disturb their holiday?  It seemed that all the bloody woman ever did was upset his wife.  Why couldn’t his wife let go?  Let go of the past and just be happy with the family he’d given her; the family they’d created together?

Then there was the present that had been delivered today from Elsie’s sister-in-law.  The Clarkson family colors and a brooch bearing what he assumed had been the coat of arms of Clarkson’s father or grandfather.  Well, damn it.  Fia wasn’t a Clarkson.

“What are you scowling about?”  Fia asked as she came back into the room, wiping at her eyes with her handkerchief.

“That.”  Duncan grumbled as he pointed to the shawl.  “You aren’t a Clarkson.”

Fia sighed and shook her head.  “For once and for all, Duncan, you’re going to sit and listen to me.”

“Make excuses for that sister of yours?”  Duncan asked with a scowl.  “I don’t think so, Fia.  I’ll not ruin our holidays with a row over that woman.  You know how I feel.”

“I do.  But would you feel the same if I told you that Elsie wasn’t my father’s child?  That she was the result of our mam being attacked while our father was away?  That our father abused her because of it?  That neither of our parents ever loved her because of what she represented?  That I was all she ever had?  That our father would have killed her the night I sent her to our grandparents?  That it was my decision to stay to protect her from what I knew would happen should our father come after me if I went to our grandparents?”  Fia held her husband’s gaze as she continued.  “You’ve hated her all these years, but she was innocent in everything, Duncan.  You want me to let it all go, let her go, but I can’t.  I _can_ let the things of the past go because Elsie’s man has given us closure.”

“What do mean?  By sending you a tartan shawl and a brooch claiming you as part of his family?”

“No.  That was just his way of showing us that we no longer needed to feel as we do about our family, that he and his sister have accepted us into theirs.”

“But you’re mine.”

“Yes, I am your family.  And we’ve made a family of our own.”  Fia fingered the soft shawl sitting on the settee beside her.  “Richard found our father.”

“Your father?  Why would he do that?”  Duncan shouted.  “How could he think that would help you?”

“Stop shouting!”  Fia yelled over him.  “Let me finish.”

“Fine.”  Duncan grumbled.

“He found him and learned that he died ten years ago in prison.  Do you know why he was in prison?”  Fia held her husband’s gaze.  “He murdered his wife and child in a drunken rage.”

Duncan felt the color drain from his face.  “Fia, I,”

Fia shook her head.  “No.  No more.  From now on you’ll not talk badly about my Els.  You’ll not run her off if she visits.  You know the truth now, at least the most important bits, and I can’t believe that you could still hate an innocent.”

Duncan moved to sit beside Fia and pulled her into his arms.  “I’m sorry, Fia.  I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Duncan.”  Fia whispered as she held onto him.  “I’ve loved you from the moment you took me away from my father.  Els was never going to change that, but I need her.  I’ll always need her.  She’s my sister and I can’t just forget about her.”  Pulling back, Fia cupped his face.  “She’s the only thing that links me to my past, and no matter how much you wish for me to forget it, my past is what made me who I am.  It’s what made me the mother I am to our son, the wife I am to you.  You can’t take that part of me away.”

“I’ll not try to anymore, Fia.  She’s welcome to visit.”

“Thank you.”  Fia whispered, kissing him before wrapping her arms back around him.  She’d known that he would see reason if he’d only let her tell him all of the truth.

Her Duncan wasn’t a cruel man, just a bit misguided now and then.

 

~*~

 

Richard held Elsie close, reveling in the feel of her leaning against him as they stared into the firelight.  Her words were still ringing in his ears.  She loved him.  He’d suspected it, but hearing her say the words…

His heart beat a bit faster. 

She loved him.

“Richard.”  Elsie whispered.  “I need to see to dinner.”

“I’ll help.”  Richard stood and held out his hand.  Helping her stand, he smiled down at her.  “I hope you’ll wear this dress often.”

Elsie smiled and shook her head.  “Silly man.  I bought fabrics to make myself more new clothes, and at Isobel’s urging, most of them are a shade of blue.”

Richard laughed and tugged at her hand.  “Come on then, Lass.  I’m hungry.”

Elsie laughed as she followed him to the kitchen.  “I’m a bit hungry myself.  I hope everything turns out.”

“The only thing I’ve seen you have trouble with is chocolate biscuits.”

“I gave up on those.  Beryl just keeps me supplied.”

“I was never bothered by it because my favorites are the ones you make the best.”

“The shortbreads?”  Elsie asked with a wink.  “I realized they were your favorite when I found the tin empty only a day after I’d made them the first time.”

Richard shrugged as he helped her tie on her apron.  “Well, they were good, and it’d been an age since I’d had good shortbread biscuits readily available.”

Elsie turned to smile up at him, her gaze caught in his.  Staring up into his warm eyes, the love he felt for her shining back at her, she felt her heart begin to race as she moved closer.  Resting a hand on his chest, she leaned into him, her lips touching his softly in a trembling kiss.

Richard wrapped an arm around Elsie, holding her gently to him, as he raised a hand to tenderly caress her cheek.  The kiss was soft and nervous, but full of their new found love.  Feeling her pull away, he stared down at her.  “Why the tears, Lass?” he asked quietly as he caught one with his thumb.

“Happiness,” she answered quietly, a smile lighting up her face.  “Happiness.”


	19. Chapter 19

Elsie fussed with Richard’s tie, patting his lapels to smooth them after she was satisfied it was straight.  “There.”

“Am I presentable, Mrs. Clarkson?”  Richard asked, a bit of mischief in his tone.

“Oh,” she huffed before kissing him.

“Mmm.  Good morning to me.”

“Good morning, indeed, Mr. Clarkson.  Now, help me on with my coat or we’ll be late for church.”

“Bossy this morning, Mrs. Clarkson.”  Richard teased her gently.

Buttoning up her coat, Elsie looked up at him.  “No more than you can be, Mr. Clarkson.”

Richard chuckled as he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the lips.  “Pin on your hat and come on then, Lass.”

“Let me finish,” she fussed as she wrapped her shawl about her shoulders and fastened it with the brooch.  Smiling up at Richard, Elsie pinned her hat on her head then took hold of his arm.  “Now I’m ready.”

“Are you sure you want to wear that?” he asked, nodding his head toward her scarf and brooch.

“I’m positive.”  Tucking her hand in the crook of his arm, she smiled up at him.  “For once I’d like to be the one that spreads news that things have changed between us.”

Richard laughed and patted her hand before reaching out to grab his hat.  “We’ll be a right pair with our matching scarves.”

“Won’t we just.”

 

~*~

 

Charles blinked as he watched the Clarksons walk out after services.  He hadn’t been there when they came in, having been running late thanks to his wife’s fussing about, and so hadn’t noticed the scarves until now.

So, it was true, Elsie was in love with Clarkson.  Moira had said as much, but he hadn’t really believed it, even though he’d seen signs of it himself.  Now, seeing them so at ease with each other as they walked out of services, the matching scarves, and her wearing a brooch he knew was a coat of arms, he shrugged and sighed.

“Come on then, Moira.  We’ve work waiting for us at Downton.”

Moira looked up at Charles as she slid her hand into the crook of his arm.  “Are you alright?” she asked quietly as she followed him out.

“I’m fine,” he answered gruffly then sighed and squeezed her hand.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have spoken like that to you.”

“It’s alright, Charles.  I understand,” she told him.  Once they were outside she continued.  “Now, maybe,” she stopped and studied the ground as she walked. 

“Maybe what, Moira?”  Charles asked, knowing what she was going to ask.

“Maybe you can let go now?”

Stopping, Charles looked down at his wife.  “Yes, Moira.  Maybe I can.”

Wiping at her cheeks with a gloved hand, Moira gave him a watery smile.  “We’d best hurry.  We’re a bit behind the others.”

Walking again, Charles thought of the happiness he’d seen on Elsie’s face as she’d passed by them.  Something more had happened than just falling in love with her husband.  He’d never seen her looking that at ease, even when she’d been laughing and teasing.  There had always been a shadow lurking in her eyes that he had assumed was something to do with her past.

That shadow was now gone.

Somehow, Richard Clarkson, had found the key to unlock the mystery of Elsie Hughes.

 

~*~

 

Elsie caressed the small bunch of ribbons in several different colors.  “Richard?”

“For your hair.  I noticed that the ribbon you use to tie the end of your braid at night was faded and a bit frayed at the edges.”

Smiling as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek, she leaned over to kiss him.  “You sweet man.  Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, Elsie.”

“Oh but it is.  It couldn’t have been very comfortable to go into a shop and request ribbons, but you did, just because you’d noticed mine was faded and frayed.”

Richard shrugged.  “I really didn’t think about being uncomfortable.  I was only thinking that these would make a good present.  They were the only thing I could think of.  It wasn’t until after I’d bought them that I thought of the scarf.”

“And the blues?  Why so many?” she asked, sure she knew the answer.

“Well,” he started, feeling his face heat a bit.  “Your eyes.”

“Are blue.  So are yours.”

“Mine are grey more than they are blue.  Yours,”

“Mine?”  Elsie nudged him.

“Yours are like the summer sky when you’re happy.”

“And when I’m not happy?”

“The winter sky.”

“You’re an old romantic, Mr. Clarkson.  Which is why I’ve bought you this.”  She handed him the last of his presents.

“Elsie.”  Richard whispered as he unwrapped the gift.  “The Bard of Ayrshire,” he breathed.  “How did you know that I like Robbie Burns?”

“You’re a Scot, are you not?”

Richard laughed at her logic.  “Oh, Mo bhean.”  Sitting the book down beside him, he stood and held out his hand.  “Dance with me?”

“Richard, there’s no music.”

Tugging her up into his arms, Richard swirled her about.  Bumping into furniture as they moved, he smiled down at her and held her a bit tighter to keep her from falling when their legs bumped into the settee.

Elsie giggled breathlessly, her head spinning as they continued to move about the room.  “Richard!” she laughed when he fell into his chair, bringing her crashing down onto his lap.

“Hmm,” he hummed.  “I think I rather like this arrangement.”

“You foolish man.  Let me up.”

“Ah, ah.”  Richard tutted as he settled her more comfortably against him.  “You’re not against a bit of a cuddle are you?  Elsie?  If you aren’t comfortable with this, tell me.”

Curled against him, Elsie sighed, “I’m not too heavy?”

“Is that what you’re worried about?”  Richard shook his head.  “Nonsense, Lass.”

“Then I rather like this arrangement, myself,” she told him as she cupped his cheek, turning his face towards hers.  “Kiss me?”

“You needn’t ask, Lass.”  Richard angled his head so that their noises wouldn’t bump together and pressed his lips gently to hers.  His hand cupped the back of her head, fingers tangling a bit into her hair.

Elsie trembled as she settled further into Richard’s arms, their kiss making her heart rate spike.  She’d never been kissed like this before, or rather, felt like this when being kissed.  “Mmm,” she murmured when Richard broke the kiss.  Opening her eyes, she stared into his.  “I should see to dinner,” she managed to whisper though she didn’t make a move to get up.

“We’ll see to dinner later.”

Elsie nodded and laid her head on his shoulder as she stared into the fire.  “I hope my Christmas pudding turned out.  Beryl showed me how, but you know how that worked out with the chocolate biscuits.”

Richard chuckled at that.  “Yes, but I’m sure it will be fine.”

Closing her eyes when his lips caressed over hers again, Elsie let her fingers play in the hair at the nape of his neck.  Her skin tingled all over as the kiss deepened.  When he broke away for air, she was trembling.

“Elsie?”  Richard caressed her arm.  “I’m sorry, Lass.  I didn’t mean to get so carried away.  I’m not pressuring you into anything.”

Elsie shook her head.  “I’m alright, Richard.  Just,” she smiled slightly at him.  “Just overwhelmed a bit by the sensations.  And I know you aren’t pressuring me.”

Richard nodded then settled her closer once more, contenting himself to just sit and hold her.  Humming softly, he smiled when he heard her being to sing the words.  “You’ve a beautiful voice, Lass.  You must promise to sing more.”

“Music was part of my life for all of the years I was with my grandparents.   I was so small, that even at seven years, Grandda was able to rock me to sleep on the nights the dreams were the worst.  While he rocked me, Grandmam would sing lullabies.”  Looking up at Richard, Elsie smiled.  “The one you sang to me the night I got so sick was my favorite.”

“Which is why it worked to soothe you.”  Richard guessed.

“Partly.”  Elsie told him.  “The rest was you.  You’ve made me feel safe from the moment you took me in.”

“I’m happy for that.  I only wanted to help you.  Falling in love with you just happened.”

Elsie smiled at him.  “I know that you had nothing but kindness in your heart when you helped me.  And, yes, falling in love did just happen.  It snuck up on me.”

“It snuck up on me too, Lass.”  Richard smiled at her and kissed her tenderly.

“It’s getting late, Richard.  We really should see to dinner.”

Gently helping her up, Richard stood and held out his hand.  “Come on then.  I am rather hungry.  Especially since you mentioned Christmas pudding.”

 

~*~

 

Dancing once again, Elsie sighed as she rested her head against Richard’s shoulder.  “This is nice, even if there still isn’t any music.”

Richard chuckled, “I can hum and you can sing the words.  Would that be music enough?”

Elsie shook her head.  “You’re going to do whatever you can to get me to sing now, aren’t you?”

“I am.  I told you before that you have a beautiful voice.  I want to hear it because it means you’re happy.”

Smiling up at him, she nodded.  “Okay.”

Snuggling her back against him, Richard began to hum an old Christmas carol, smiling in satisfaction when her clear voice filled the room.  Moving them in perfect rhythm with the song, he pressed a kiss to her head.

Elsie sighed, “I’ve forgotten the rest.”

“So have I.”  Richard stopped dancing.  “Shall I read to you from the book of poems you bought me?”

“Yes, please.”

Taking her hand, he led her to the settee, settling them together, her resting against his chest.  Opening the book, he thumbed through the pages until he found the poem he was looking for.

Elsie murmured happily as Richard read the lyrical poem, smiling when he replaced Mary with Elsie.  When he was finished, she looked up at him.  “Richard?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think we might go home when the weather is warmer?”

“Are you saying you want to go home to Argyll, Elsie?”

“Yes.  Now that I know that he’s gone, I want to go back.  It’s been a long time.”

“Then I’ll start planning to have help to take over for a few weeks in the summer.”

Elsie yawned then giggled a bit.  “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry.  It’s been a long day.”

Elsie nodded, yawning again.  “It has indeed.”

“Go on then, Lass.”  Richard nudged her then stood and helped her up.  Smiling down at her, he kissed her on the forehead then the lips.  “Goodnight, Mo bhean.”

“Goodnight, Mo chéile,” she whispered after the kiss ended.  Returning his smile, she squeezed his hand.  “Happy Christmas, Richard.

“Happy Christmas, Elsie.”


	20. Chapter 20

“I’m sorry, Lass.”  Richard apologized as he pulled on his coat.

“No need to be sorry.  I understand.  Would you like me to go with you?”

Richard sighed and nodded.  “I would.  Little Johnny will need someone to occupy him and his father will be of no use.”

Elsie chuckled at Richard’s tone as he rolled his eyes.  “He’s one of those men that get a bit befuddled when the time comes, hmm?” she asked as she took off her apron and slipped her arms into her coat. 

“More than befuddled, Lass.  When little Johnny was born, he fainted and he wasn’t even in the room.”

Elsie laughed at that.  “Oh my.  Well, I’ll do what I can to keep them both occupied then.”

Richard opened the door when she’d finished with her hat, shivering from the cold.  “Pull on your gloves.  It seems to have gotten colder out.”

“Then let me grab my scarf.  You put yours on too.”

Richard smiled as he shook his head.  “Bossy lass,” he murmured.

“I heard that.”  Elsie told him as she came back, wrapping her scarf around her shoulders, making sure it covered her neck.

“It’s the truth, but I like a bit of sass.  Sassy lassie I suppose is what I should call you.”

“Oh go on.”  Elsie laughed and shoved him slightly so that she could go out the door.

“This baby will be the first of the new year.”

“A new year, a new life.”  Elsie whispered as she took his arm to steady herself on their way to the taxi waiting for them.

Richard heard a bit of melancholy in his wife’s voice and squeezed her hand gently as he helped her into the back seat.  Climbing in beside her, he told the driver where to go then pulled the blanket up over Elsie’s lap and tucked it around her.

“Richard, you need some of this too.”  Elsie fussed at him, trying unsuccessfully to move the blanket so that it covered them both.  “Stubborn man,” she growled as she smacked his hand, getting the blanket loose.  “Now scoot closer and put this over your lap.”

“Sassy,” he murmured as he scooted over and did as told.

“I would say fiery.”

“Most definitely fiery.”  Richard agreed as he pressed a kiss to her temple, his arm moving around her shoulders to hold her close.

 

~*~

 

Elsie held the small boy close, one ear pressed to her chest so that he could hear her heart, the other covered by her hand to block out as much of his mother’s cries as she could.  Humming her favorite lullaby, she rocked him gently, hoping he was a heavy sleeper.  The little one had suffered enough, having been the one to find his mother collapsed on the floor.  That would be traumatic for anyone, let alone someone who was only two.  Just a wee thing he was.  Getting lost in a deep sleep would spare him any more trauma.

“Shh, laddie,” she whispered when he whimpered in his sleep.  “It’s alright.”

“You’re coddlin’ the boy.”

Elsie frowned at the man sitting staring into a glass of drink.  “He’s a babe, Mr. Williams, and he’s frightened.  A bit of coddling won’t go a miss.”

“You’ll not talk to me like that in my own home.”

Elsie sighed and shook her head.  So he was one of those.  “Drink what’s in your glass and let me tend to the woman’s stuff.”

Mr. Williams scowled at her then downed his drink, pouring more into the glass.  Bloody woman.  Wasn’t even English and was in his house bossing him about.

“Elsie!”  Richard shouted from the other room.

Elsie started then hurriedly laid the boy on the pallet by the fire.  Rushing into the bedroom, she closed the door behind her.  “What is it?”

“I need your help, Elsie.  I have to turn the baby.  It’s too late to do a caesarian section and even if it weren’t, I don’t have what I need.”  Looking up at his wife, Richard held her gaze.  “If I don’t turn the baby,” he started, leaving the rest unsaid, knowing she understood.

“Shh.”  Elsie whispered as she pulled her handkerchief from the pocket of her skirt and reached across to wipe his brow.  “I know what to do.  You do what you need to.”  Giving him a tender smile, she assured him, “We’ll bring them through this, Richard.  We’ll bring them through.”

 

~*~

 

At just a little past midnight, a tiny cry filled the room around them.  Richard smiled at Elsie as he handed her the baby so that she could clean her and bundle her against the chill.

“Oh, I know.”  Elsie murmured to the baby as she bathed her and swaddled her.  “There now.  That’s much better.  Shh, lassie,” she jostled the baby gently as she walked back to the bed.

Richard watched Elsie as she handed the baby to her mother.  She’d been amazing these last few hours, the best help he’d ever had even though she wasn’t a nurse.  Smiling when she looked up at him, he winked at her before moving to finish cleaning his hands and instruments.

Turning her attention back to the mother, Elsie squeezed her shoulder.  “She’s a beautiful wee bairn, Mrs. Williams.  I’ll go tell your husband and little Johnny.  The poor laddie will need a bit of reassurance that his mum is alright.”

The young woman smiled tiredly up at Elsie.  “Thank you.”

“None of that now.  Just rest while I go get your men folk.”

Mrs. Williams watched Elsie leave then looked at Richard.  “You’ve a good missus, Dr. Clarkson.”

“I do, Mrs. Williams.  That I do.”

Elsie bent over the small boy sleeping by the fire and gently shook him.  “Johnny, lad.  Wake up.  You’ve someone that wants to see you.”

“Mum?” the little boy murmured as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Yes, your mum.”  Elsie picked the boy up and walked back toward the bedroom, stopping to look at Mr. Williams.  “You’ve a daughter.  Your wife is expecting you to come in.”

Downing the rest of his drink, the man stood and followed Elsie into the room.  Walking over to his wife, he sat beside her, staring down at the baby in her arms.  “A girl.  What are we going to do with a girl?”

Richard moved to grasp Elsie when he saw her go pale.  “Easy, Lass,” he murmured.

Elsie calmed herself then moved to place Johnny down beside his mother.  “There you are, Johnny.  You can see for yourself your mum is okay.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Clarkson.” 

“You’re welcome, Lass.”  Elsie whispered then looked up at Mr. Williams.  “And what are you to do with a lass, Mr. Williams?” she asked him his own question, holding his gaze when he looked up at her.  “You’re to love her and protect her.  She’ll be a help to your wife.”  Taking a deep breath to steady her suddenly shaky voice, she looked at the baby.  “You created her.  Just love her as a part of yourself.”  Turning, she took a deep breath.  “Excuse me.  I’ll be waiting outside, Richard.”

“Elsie,” Richard started, catching her arm as she walked by.  “It’s too cold out.  Just go sit by the fire.”

Elsie nodded and hurried from the room, her heart racing with the anger and sadness she felt.

Richard turned toward the young couple, looking at the man and shaking his head.  “I’d heed her words, Mr. Williams.  I don’t often interfere, but after seeing you tonight, and hearing your obvious dislike of your new daughter, I’ll be checking in on your family.  A girl is a treasure, Mr. Williams.  Neither you nor myself would be here without some little girl having been brought into the world.  They are every bit as important as a boy.”

 

~*~

 

Richard stared up at the ceiling in his bedroom, unable to fall asleep.  The new year had started off with a new life and he had seen the happiness on Elsie’s face as they brought the mother and babe through a difficult birth.  He shook his head.  Then Mr. Williams opened his mouth.  Foolish man and his drink.  With the cold, harsh winters, so many of the local men sat around their homes drinking which was never a good thing as most of them were rather nasty drunks.

Hearing a sound at his door, he sat up a bit, startled to find Elsie standing there, the pale light of the rising sun shining in through his window illuminating her.  “Elsie?”

Moving further into the room, Elsie stared down at Richard.  “I couldn’t sleep.  I,” she bit her bottom lip and fidgeted with her ring.

Turning back the covers, Richard moved over to make room for her.  “Come on, Mo bhean, before you catch a chill.”

Climbing in beside her husband, Elsie sat and stared at him a moment, her hand reaching out to rest on his chest.  “Thank you.”

“For what, Elsie?  For letting you seek comfort in my bed?”

“No.  For letting me say what I had to say to Mr. Williams.”

“I gave him a bit of a talking to myself after you left.”  Grasping her hand, he lifted it to kiss the palm.  “Lie down and let me hold you.  Maybe we can both sleep now.”

Laying against his chest, Elsie sighed as she held the hand that sought out hers.  “Richard?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you children.  You would have made a wonderful father.”

“Oh Elsie.  Don’t apologize for something you nor I can change.  I’m perfectly happy to have just you.”

“You’re a darling man, Richard Clarkson.”

“And I’m a lucky man.  I’ve you, Elsie Clarkson.”

Elsie sighed as she settled closer to him.  “You’ll keep a watch on her?”

“I will, Elsie.  I promise.”

Kissing his chest just over his heart, Elsie tucked her head under his chin.  “Thank you.  I love you.”

“You’re welcome.  And I love you, too.”

“Happy New Year.”

“I think it’s going to be a wonderfully happy new year.”

 

~*~

 

Isobel grinned as lilting laughter filtered over to her as she neared the cottage her friends shared.  She’d been invited to their home for dinner to celebrate the new year and had arrived a bit early to see if she could be of some help to Elsie in the kitchen.  Walking around to the back, she laughed at the sight that greeted her.

“You two are a bit old for snow angels, aren’t you?” she asked, startling the two, making Elsie sit up so quickly that she hit Richard’s head with her own.  That only set Isobel’s own giggles off and she covered her mouth when Elsie glared up at her.

“Isobel Crawley!”  Elsie scolded as Richard helped her up, both of them rubbing their heads.

“That does happen to be my name.”  Isobel answered.

“Oh!”

Richard laughed as he brushed snow off of Elsie’s back.  “Now, Lass.  All that fire will melt the snow.”

“You behave, Richard Clarkson!”  Elsie told him, turning to him so that she could brush off the snow.  Her blue eyes stared up at him, twinkling with mirth as she whispered, “Should we welcome Isobel properly?”

“Elsie.”  Richard whispered then laughed and nodded.  Turning to Isobel, he smiled at her to distract her.  “What brings you by?  Is it later than we thought?”

“No.  I’m just early.  I thought I would help Elsie,” Isobel didn’t finish her original thought but finished with an, “Elsie Clarkson!” as a snowball hit her square in the chest.

“That does happen to be my name.”  Elsie parroted her friend’s words back at her, a grin on her flushed face.

“Oh you.”  Isobel sputtered.  “You Scottish minx!”

Elsie grinned and nodded proudly.  “And proud of it.”

Isobel brushed the snow off her front then looked up at her friend.  “Happy New Year, Elsie.”

“Happy New Year, Izzie.”

Isobel smiled at the nickname.  “No one’s called me that since I was a little girl.”

“At the moment, I think it fits.”  Richard laughed as he held out his hand for her.  “Come on.  Well go inside and warm up.”

Trekking the short distance to her friends, Isobel took Richard’s hand.  “What prompted this?” she asked as she nodded toward the snow angels.

“Well, truth be told, I fell.”  Richard admitted.

Elsie nodded.  “And I saw him through the kitchen window.  Knowing he’d fuss if I didn’t put my coat on, no matter if he were hurt or not, I hurried and came to see if he was alright.  When I bent to help him up,” she laughed and shook her head.

“She toppled over instead of pulling me up.”  Richard broke in to finish.

“And I got a fit of the giggles over the absurdity of it all.”

Richard nodded as he opened the door for them, ushering the women in then following.  “It just spiraled from there.”

“Well, it’s good to have fun.  Now go on and change clothes.  I’ll fix some tea.”

Elsie nodded as she unbuttoned her coat.  “A very good idea.  Thank you, Isobel.”

“No thanks necessary, Elsie.  It was good to hear your laughter.”  She smiled sadly at her friend.  “I needed it.”

Letting Richard take her coat, Elsie moved to hug her friend.  “I’m so sorry, Isobel.  I know you must miss him very much with the holidays.”

Isobel sighed as she held onto Elsie.  “I do, but George and my friends have made it much easier.”

Pulling back, Elsie smiled and nodded.  “Good then.”

“Oh, Isobel?”  Richard called out to her as they all parted and went their separate directions.

“Yes?”

“Mind putting a bit of whiskey out?  It’ll warm us faster than the tea.”

Elsie laughed as they headed up the stairs.  “You silly man.  Are you trying to get us drunk?”

Isobel laughed at that.  She knew as well as Richard that just a bit of whiskey wouldn’t do anything to Elsie but warm her up.  The woman could hold her liquor better than a lot of men. 

Richard had told her it must be the highland witch in her to which Elsie had slapped him on the arm and growled, “I’ll show you highland witch.” 

She would never forget that night, thankful that the two of them had let her get drunk enough to drown out her pain, but not so drunk that she’d made a fool of herself.  Elsie had taken her up to her room, helped her change into a borrowed nightdress, then tucked her in for one of the more restful nights of sleep she’d had since her beloved Matthew had been lost.


	21. Chapter 21

Richard rubbed the back of his neck as he glared down at the paperwork he’d just finished.  The day had been slow enough that he’d had the time to tackle the stack of it that had been piling up the last week while he’d been inordinately busy with a sudden influx of patients.  Isobel had been in to tend to her side of things, but had gone home an hour before.

Which had left him alone with his thoughts.  Thoughts that had been plaguing him for weeks now, specifically since New Year’s Day.  So many days since then he’d had to excuse himself to take a walk in the cold air to calm himself and take his mind off his improper thoughts.  Well, they weren’t exactly improper as they were about his wife, but they were problematic when he’d promised not to push her into anything she wasn’t ready for.

He smiled as he thought about how she’d been sharing his bed more and more.  There were very few nights that he spent alone now, and he cherished having her next to him.  His body was beginning to appreciate the soft curves pressed against it, and it was growing more and more wearisome trying to fight the desire those curves and her scent stirred up inside him.

He _was_ only a man after all.

A knock on his door made him scowl.  “Yes,” he growled then sighed when one of his young nurses popped her head around the open door.  “I’m sorry, Nurse Smith.  What was it you needed?”

“A Mr. Williams has asked to see you, Doctor.”

“Fine then.”  He nodded.  “Send him in.”  Straightening his tie, he rolled his eyes and shuffled papers.  The last thing he wanted was to deal with Mr. Williams.  Hearing a noise, he looked up.  “Yes, Mr. Williams.  Is there something wrong with Mrs. Williams or the baby?  Johnny?”

The man twisted his hat in his hand.  “No.  Nothin’s wrong with the missus or the kids.”

“Are you feeling ill then?”

“No.  I came to apologize.”

Richard raised his eyebrow at that.  “Oh?”

“Yes.  My missus gave me a right talkin’ to after you left.  Said how your missus helped you, how the two of you were the reason she and our Mary were okay.”

“And?”

“And I wanted to apologize for what I said about our baby.”  Looking up at Richard, Mr. Williams sighed, “I’d had a bit too much to drink.  I really am happy for a girl.  She looks like my Lilly.  She’ll make some man happy one day.”

Richard nodded.  “I’ll be sure to pass along your apology to my wife.”

“Thank you.”

Richard watched the man turn and hurry out of his office.  “Well that was interesting.”

“What was?”  Isobel asked as she came in.

“Did you pass a man leaving as you walked down the hall?”

“I did.”

“That was Mr. Williams.”

Isobel scowled.  “And what did he want?  Nothing wrong with his wife or the baby, was there?”

“No.  He came to apologize.”

Raising and eyebrow, Isobel sat in the chair in front of his desk.  “Oh?”

“Seems his missus has a bit of fire in her.”

Isobel laughed at that.  “Sent him in with his tail between his legs, did she?”

Richard joined in her laughter.  “Yes.”

“Good for her.”

“I still plan to check in from time to time.”

“Good.  Now, I’ve brought you this.”

Richard looked at the basket she sat on his desk.  “I missed luncheon.”

“You did and Elsie was worried.  She asked me to bring this to you when I told her I’d forgotten something and had to come back.”

“What in the world did you forget?”

“I forgot my bloody house key.”

Richard laughed at that.  “Only you, Isobel.  Only you.”

Walking over to her desk, she wrinkled her nose at him as she bent over to pick up her key.   “Oh hush.  Eat your sandwich.”

“Going back to visit with Elsie?” he asked as he reached into the basket to pull out the meal his wife had packed for him.

“I am.  She’s working on a new dress and needs my help with the fitting.  It’s rather hard to fit one’s self.” 

“Tell her thank you for the sandwich and that I shouldn’t be late tonight.”

“I will.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie looked at herself in the full length mirror.  Studying her reflection, she let her thoughts drift to the things she’d been thinking of lately.  They weren’t improper thoughts, but they were thoughts that frightened her.

Richard.

The feel of his body against hers at night in his bed.

The way her body had started to react.

She wanted him.

Of that she was sure.

But she was scared.

Looking at herself in the mirror again, she sighed as she caressed a hand over her curves.  She wasn’t young.  Her body was soft where it had once been smooth and toned.  The only parts about her that were still in any shape worth mentioning, were her legs from years of climbing stairs and her arms from the physical work she’d done all of her life.  Her breasts were no longer perky, her middle, well, she didn’t want to think about that.  Nor did she want to think about the graying of her hair.

Isobel watched her friend, having let herself into the cottage when her knock went unanswered.  Elsie was standing in nothing but her undergarments and shift studying herself.  As a woman, Isobel understood what Elsie was thinking as she caressed a hand over certain parts of herself.  Quietly taking off her coat, gloves, and hat, she laid them aside then walked to where Elsie stood.

“He loves you, Elsie.  He’ll want you just as you are.”

“Isobel.”  Elsie breathed as she turned a startled gaze to her friend.  “I didn’t hear you knock.”

“I know.  I let myself in when you didn’t answer.  I was worried something might have happened.  Then I came upstairs and found you staring at yourself.”  Smiling at Elsie, Isobel held her gaze.  “What’s brought this on, Elsie?”

“I,” she started then began to chew on her lower lip.

“Stop that and tell me.”  Isobel scolded gently.

“Oh Izzie.”  Elsie breathed as she moved to sit on her bed.  “I find that my,” she blushed before continuing.  “I find that my body has started reacting to Richard’s.”

“Ah.”  Isobel nodded, smiling kindly as she sat beside Elsie and took her hands.  “Have you never been with a man, Elsie?”

“I have, but I was a young lass.”  Looking up at Isobel, Elsie smiled sadly.  “I’m not young anymore, Isobel.”

“No, Elsie, you’re not, but neither is Richard.  Have you stopped to think about that?”

“We kiss, and I enjoy that and he seems to, but I don’t even know if he wants me _that_ way.”

Isobel chuckled and winked.  “Oh believe me, Elsie.  He wants you.”

Elsie raised an eyebrow at her friend.  “And how would you know?”

“Do you know how many times a day he takes a walk out in the cold when it’s slow at the hospital?  I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Elsie.”  Squeezing Elsie’s hands when she gave her a skeptical look, Isobel continued, “You told me you’ve been sharing his bed.”

“Yes.  Since New Year’s Day.”

“And you told me that he promised not to push you for anything you weren’t ready for.”

“Yes.”

“Well, don’t you think that he’s been holding back?”

Elsie chewed her bottom lip as she thought about their heated kisses.  “Lately his kisses have been rather,” she blushed and shrugged.

Isobel chuckled, “Heated?”

“Mmm.”  Elsie murmured.

“Then don’t hold back anymore, Elsie.  You love him.  He loves you.  And it isn’t as if you have to worry for your honor.  You are his wife.”

“Oh.”  Elsie huffed and nudged Isobel in the ribs.  “I can’t believe I’m discussing this.”

“And why not?  I’m a nurse, but I’m more than that, I’m your friend.”

“Beryl will shoot me for talking about this with you and not her.”

“No she won’t.  I was here.  You couldn’t very well call up to the big house and ask to talk to Beryl and tell her all of this over the telephone.”

Elsie laughed and shook her head.  “Oh heavens no.”

“Well then.  I’m also sure you’d be too embarrassed to discuss this with Fia.”

“Oh my yes.  Telephone or no.”

Isobel watched the blush deepen in Elsie’s cheeks and hugged her.  “I seem to recall a few garments Fia and I bought for you.”

Elsie’s face burned at the thought of those items.  “Yes, but Isobel, I can’t possibly.”

“And why not?  That’s what they’re for and I think you’re ready.  Wear the blue one tonight.”

“Which blue one?  They were all blue.”

“The dark one.”

“The lace one with the shear skirting?”

“Yes.”

Elsie sighed, “I don’t know.”

“It will be alright.  I promise, Elsie.”

 

~*~

 

“He really came to apologize?”  Elsie asked as she watched Richard settle in his chair by the fire. 

“Yes, he did.  Seems Mrs. Williams has enough fire in her to scare the man.”

Elsie laughed.  “Good for her.  That wee lassie will be alright with a mam like that.”

“Yes she will.  Now come here my beautiful lass.”  He held out his hand and winked at her when she shook her head.

“Oh you daft man,” she told him as she put down her mending and went to him.

“Nice,” he murmured as he shifted to make them more comfortable.  Nuzzling Elsie’s neck then kissing along her jaw as he held her close, he could feel her shiver against him, a hum deep in her throat when he reached the place behind her right ear that seemed to be a particularly pleasing spot for her.  She was more responsive tonight than she’d been before, and he wondered if he could push things a bit further, but then shoved those thoughts away.

She would come to him when she was ready.

“Oh.”  Elsie breathed as she settled back against his shoulder.

Richard smiled as he caressed her arm.  “Are you alright, Lass?”

“Mmm,” she hummed and nodded her head.  “Quite.”

Yawning Richard shook his head and apologized, “I’m sorry.  All that paperwork makes me more tired than being busy does.”

Elsie nodded as she stood up.  “I understand.  Doing my bookwork always made me wish to take a nap.  Go on up.  I’ll take care of things and be up myself.”

Richard shook his head.  “I should do that.”

“No need.  I know how.”  She winked at him.  “I’ve banked many a fire in my day, Richard.  Go on now.”

Pulling her into his arms, Richard kissed her with a longing he kept hidden until now.  His hand slipped down to the small of her back, pressing her close against him.  Feeling her tremble and then moan, he pulled back and stepped away, shaking his head.  “I’m sorry, Elsie.”

Blinking rapidly and swallowing, Elsie fought to get her wits back.  Finally steady, she smiled and moved closer to Richard.  “No need to apologize, Richard.  I rather enjoyed that.”

Richard stared in surprise.  “You did?”

Elsie nodded.  “I did.  Now go to bed.  I’ll be up in a minute.”

Richard nodded a bit dumbly and turned to make his way upstairs.  He was completely confused by what had just happened.  He didn’t know why he’d kissed her in such a way, or why he’d pressed her body to his so that she could feel his reaction to her.  Extreme fatigue.  Yes, that must be it.

But then he thought of the way she’d been watching him tonight, the wink she’d give him, the teasing lilt in her voice.

Had she been trying to tell him something with her actions that his body had picked up on while the rest of him had been blind?

“Good heavens, man.  You’ve gone daft.”

Elsie heard Richard mumbling as he went up the stairs and shook her head.  Tonight had been a bit odd.  He’d held back while they were snuggled in his chair kissing.  Then just now, she shook her head.

“What happened?” she wondered as she moved from locking the door to bank the fire, turning off the lights as she made her way to the stairs.

Had he realized she was flirting a bit with him?  Of course, at first, she hadn’t even realized what she was doing.

She was so confused, and nervous.

Walking quietly to her room, she saw the light still on in Richard’s and smiled at him sitting in his bed, propped up against the headboard.  He usually read a bit before sleep, but she didn’t see a book.  He seemed to be still a bit confused which made her smile and decide that she was going to do as Isobel had suggested.

 

~*~

 

Richard looked up and stared.  He wasn’t sure what he was seeing, but it couldn’t possibly be his wife standing just inside his bedroom wearing satin and lace, her hair in a braid that fell over her shoulder, one of the ribbons he’d bought her for Christmas tied at the end in a neat little bow.

“Elsie?” he whispered, sure that he was dreaming.

“Yes, Richard.”  Elsie answered him in a quiet voice, nerves making her fidget.

Looking over her, he felt his body reacting to the swell of her breasts cupped in lace, the sheer fabric flowing from the lace making it possible for him to see she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.  The deep blue of the gown enhanced her eyes and seemed to make the milky whiteness of her skin glow.

“Lass,” he breathed.  “You’re beautiful.”  Standing up, he walked to where she seemed to be frozen in place.  “Is this what had you fussing at Fia?”

Elsie nodded.  “One of them.”

“One?”  Richard asked, his voice nearly squeaking.

Elsie laughed at the sound of his voice and nodded, her eyes twinkling up at him.  “Yes.  There were three from her, and one from Isobel.”

“Heaven help me,” he breathed as he caressed her bare arms.  “Does this mean that I didn’t scare you earlier?”

“You didn’t scare me, although I am nervous.”

“We don’t have to do this, Lass.”

“Yes, mo chéile, we do.  I’ll go mad if we don’t,” she admitted quietly, her hands reaching out to fuss with the buttons of his pajama shirt.

“What do you mean by that, Elsie?”

Looking up at him again, Elsie blushed.  “I’ve been thinking about,” she bit her lip against her nervousness.  “I’ve been wondering.  I can’t seem to stop myself.  My body has started reacting to being near yours.”

Richard smiled as he cupped her face in his hands.  “I’ve been thinking, too.  And I’ve had to take a lot of cold walks to calm myself because my body has been reacting to the soft curves pressed against it at night.”

Unbuttoning his shirt, Elsie skimmed her hands over his chest.  “Richard?” she asked as she pushed the shirt off.

“Yes, Mo bhean?” he asked, his fingers pulling at the ribbon at the end of her braid, loosening her hair from its confines.  Fingering the soft curls as he combed through them, he smiled as a hint of rosemary drifted to his nose.  It had been Beryl that told him what the scent was because he’d been driving himself to near madness trying to figure it out on his own.

“What are you smiling about?”  Elsie asked, her brogue thick with the huskiness of her voice.

“Your hair.  I was remembering how I nearly drove myself mad trying to learn what the scent was that I would catch a whiff of when I would hold you close.”  He winked at her when she blushed.  “I had to ask Beryl.”

Elsie laughed and leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his waist.  “Thank you for that,” she whispered, grateful to him for helping her with her nerves with a bit of humor.

“Elsie,” his voice dropped as he said her name, his grey-blue eyes holding hers.

“Yes?” she answered, her voice barely audible.

The air around them seemed to crackle as he pulled her closer, pressing her body firmly to his, letting her feel what she did to him.  Nibbling at her neck, his hand gently roamed her body, the feel of his warm palm sliding over the material covering her, caused her to shiver at the sensations.

Elsie’s breath caught in her throat when Richard’s hand moved to cup her breast.  His thumb rubbed circles around the taut peak, the lace causing a friction that made her mind seem to spin.  Her fingers dug into his shoulders as her head fell back giving him easier access to the graceful column of her neck.

Richard kissed her and breathed her in.  The more he touched her, the more she seemed to go limp in his arms, even as she held onto his shoulders, her head falling back.  Pushing the lace strap off her shoulder, he felt her shudder as he pressed a kiss to the soft skin.  Gently moving them backward, he turned her until she was standing beside the bed.  “Elsie, open your eyes.”

Elsie swallowed and opened her eyes as she lifted her head.  The grey of his eyes had darkened with the intensity of his desire and she felt her blood warm even more.

“You must tell me if you’re absolutely sure,” he whispered.

Biting her lower lip, she held his gaze as she lifted her hands to push the other strap off her shoulder, carefully pushing at the lace until the negligee pooled at her feet.  “It’s been a long time, but I’m very sure that I want this.”

Continuing to hold her gaze, Richard untied his pajama trousers and let them fall to his feet, kicking them aside.  Gently laying Elsie back on the bed then lying down at her side, he took his first look at all of her.  This wasn’t the first time he’d seen her body, though the other times had been as a doctor with only a clinical eye.  This time though, he traced over every inch with a tender fingertip as he took in her lovely pale skin and soft curves with the eye of a lover.

Elsie felt tears well in her eyes at the tenderness Richard was showing her as he learned her body, gently touching her, pausing to linger over places that caused her to catch her breath.  She felt her arousal growing and reached out to tangle her fingers in his hair, bringing his mouth to hers for a kiss more passionate than any they’d shared before.

Moving his body over hers, Richard held her hands in his as he pulled from the kiss.  “Look at me, Elsie.”

Opening her eyes, Elsie stared up at him.  “Please, Richard,” she whimpered.

“I love you, Elsie Clarkson,” he told her as he gently pushed inside her, pausing at her gasp.  “Easy.”

Elsie squeezed his hands, her eyes never leaving his as she adjusted to the feel of him inside her.  “And I love you, Richard Clarkson.”  She wiggled against him.  “Now, please.”

Feeling her lift her legs and drape them over his thighs, Richard began to move against her, drowning in the dark blue pools of her eyes as she stared up at him, moaning and whimpering.  Leaning down, he kissed the scar on her breast, remembering the stark fear that had stared back at him from the eyes now filled with want and need, lingering with other thoughts that seemed to fill his mind now when he thought about what this scar meant.  Moving his kisses back to her lips, his body demanded more and he gave in, letting his control go as Elsie grew ever more restless beneath him.  Close, so close.  Sliding a hand down between them, he touched her gently and felt her immediate reaction.

Arching up against him, Elsie cried out as she climaxed, her body trembling, heart pounding, breath coming in short gasps.

Reaching his own climax, Richard collapsed against her for only a moment before rolling onto his back, pulling her with him and across his chest.  Caressing the damp hair from her face, he concentrated on regulating his breathing and the pounding of his heart.

Elsie did her best to calm her breathing, her frantically beating heart slowing as Richard’s slowed beneath her ear.  Snuggling her head under his chin, she shivered against the cool air of the room on her hot, damp skin.  Sitting up a bit, she pulled the covers up and over them then settled back into her spot.

“Thank you, Lass.”

“Mmm,” she hummed.  Drawing aimless patterns on his chest, she sighed, “Richard?”

“Hmm?”

“When you kissed the scar, what were you thinking?”

Caressing a hand over her back, Richard answered quietly, “I was remembering the fear I saw in your eyes.”

“That wasn’t all, not the way your kiss lingered.”

“I was only thinking about how I wasn’t sure I would have been able to handle it if I’d been your husband then.  Seeing that fear in your eyes as your doctor, and an acquaintance, was hard enough, but being your husband and seeing you go through that,” he paused and held her a bit tighter.  “It would have broken me, Elsie.”

Tears rolling down her cheeks, Elsie tilted her head up to kiss his jaw.  “Oh Richard, I love you so.”

“Never as much as I love you, my beautiful Scottish lass.”  Feeling sleep claiming him, Richard kissed her head.  “Sleep well, Mo bhean.”

Elsie murmured sleepily as she settled more comfortably into his embrace.  She’d have to remember to thank Isobel, then she grinned just as she slipped into sleep.  The thanks would have to wait for much later.


	22. Chapter 22

Charles watched Elsie as she walked down the road leading to Downton.  She hadn’t been to Downton since she’d been so ill, but Beryl had been sick recently and Dr. Clarkson had been much too busy to simply come and bring medicine, so the doctor had called and said that Mrs. Clarkson would be sent with it.

Sure that Elsie had volunteered to bring the medicine because of her friendship with Beryl, he wondered how it would be to see Elsie back in what had once been her home.  He’d been sick the last time she was here.  Every invitation to dinner that had been extended to the Clarksons, had been politely turned down, and he knew why.

Elsie wouldn’t have those she’d worked with serving her at table even though her station had changed.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Clarkson,” he greeted when Elsie drew close enough to hear him.

“Mr. Carson.”  Elsie nodded as she made her way passed him.  “I assume you don’t have any objections to my going inside?  I have medicine for Mrs. Patmore.”

“None, Mrs. Clarkson.  She’s in her room.”

“Thank you.”  Elsie nodded then finished the trek to the servant’s entrance.  Making her way down the hall to the stairs, she was stopped by several of the staff, which was delightful.  Bumping into the housekeeper, wasn’t so delightful and something she’d hoped to avoid.

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Moira greeted.

“Mrs. Carson.  I’m just here to see Mrs. Patmore.  Excuse me.”

Reaching out, Moira stopped Elsie with a hand to her arm.  “Let him go,” she whispered.

Elsie blinked as she looked down at the hand then back up at the raven haired beauty that had replaced her in Charles’ personal life as well as his working life.  “I let him go a long time ago, Mrs. Carson.  I’m in love with my husband.  Mr. Carson has no place in my life anymore.”

Moira studied Elsie then nodded as she took her hand from the former housekeeper’s arm.  Watching her go up the stairs, she sighed.  She’d always heard there was more to the woman than her sternness, and now she knew it was the truth.  She also knew that it was Charles that had to let go all the way.

“If only he would,” she whispered as she turned and made her way to her sitting room for her shawl.  A walk in the fresh air sounded good about now.

 

~*~

 

“Whatever in the world are you doing here, Elsie Clarkson?”  Beryl scowled at her friend, then narrowed her eyes.  “What’s changed?”

Elsie blinked as she laid her shawl over the end of Beryl’s bed.  “What do you mean?  Why wouldn’t I come to see you?  Besides,” she held up the bottle of medicine.  “I’ve brought medicine.”

“The doctor could have sent it with a nurse.”

“I know that, but I also know I had to check on my friend.”  Elsie sat down on the bed and squeezed Beryl’s hand.  “I have something to tell you,” she whispered, a blush staining her cheeks.

Beryl smiled and squeezed Elsie’s hand.  “Hmm, I think I can guess.”

“Oh Beryl,” she whispered.  “He’s been so very good to me.  He’s not pushed me toward more, but I,” she bit her lip.

“You love him, Elsie.  It’s only the natural way of things.”  Beryl smiled when Elsie looked at her.  “Did you wear one of those bits of frill that Fia and Isobel bought for you?”

Blushing even more, Elsie nodded.  “The dark blu…well, the dark one.”

Beryl laughed, “No need to say blue, since if I recall correctly, they were all blue.”  She winked when Elsie chuckled.  “That dark one was the best.”

“I felt a bit silly at first.”

“Then you saw how he reacted.”  Beryl guessed, smiling when Elsie blushed again.  “Why are you blushing, Elsie?  It’s just me.”

“Because I can’t believe I’m talking of such things.”  Elsie answered.  “Isobel helped me.  I blushed talking to her about it, too, and she’s a nurse.”

Beryl laughed then coughed and scowled.  “Blasted cold.”

“Easy.”  Elsie patted the hand she held.  “The medicine will help.”

“Vile stuff, it is.  Maybe a bit of sherry will help it go down.”

Elsie laughed and nodded as she stood up and moved to where she knew Beryl hid the bottle she always kept in her room.  Bringing the bottle over, she poured a bit into the glass Beryl had been drinking water out of then poured just the right amount of medicine in before handing it to Beryl.  “That should make it easier, but you’ll have to stash your drink in the drawer so you can get to it.”

Beryl winked.  “Anna and Daisy know about the sherry and they’re the only ones to come see me.”

“That’s our sweet girls.”

Nodding, Beryl looked down into her glass.  “Daisy’s leaving.”

Elsie nodded.  “Mr. Mason’s offer has been pulling at the lass for a long time.”

“It has, and all of the turmoil has just made her decision easier for her.  No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t like Mrs. Carson.”

“And what of you, my dear friend?  Are you leaving too?”

Beryl looked up at Elsie a bit shocked.  “How did you know that’s what I’d been thinking of?”

“I know you, Beryl.  You’re tired and,” she winked at her friend.  “Don’t you think Mr. Mason has room for you, too?”

“But Daisy only extended that offer last week.  I’ve not seen you to tell you!”

“Mr. Mason’s no fool.  Daisy won’t be happy there with just him.  She needs her mother figure and that’s you.”

Beryl nodded.  “He has plenty of room for us both.  Mrs. Bird is going to take my place here.”

“What about Isobel?”

“Isobel does her own cooking well enough.  She’s the one who suggested Mrs. Bird.”  Beryl took the last drink and snarled at the taste of medicine.  “Give me a bit more of the sherry to get rid of the medicine.”

Elsie smiled and poured another finger into the glass.  “That’s enough I think.”

“I’m sorry that Isobel learned of my leaving before you.  She was here visiting the babe when I told Lord and Lady Grantham I was leaving.”

“I would say it makes us even.”  Elsie winked.  “Isobel knew about things changing between Richard and I before you, and she knew about you leaving before me.  It’s quite alright.”

Yawning, Beryl let her head fall back.  “I’m very happy for you, Elsie.”

“Thank you.  Rest now, Beryl.”  Elsie squeezed her friend’s hand then stood up and picked up her shawl.

“I’ll see you next week.”

“Next week.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie was startled when a hand reached out and grabbed her elbow as she walked from the servant’s courtyard.  “Mr. Carson!” she frowned as she pulled away.  “Whatever in the world is the matter with you?”

“Do you really love him, Elsie?”

Elsie sighed, “I’ve told you, you’ve no right to call me that anymore.  And to answer your question, yes, I do.”  Looking up at the man who had once held her heart, she stared into his dark eyes as she spoke.  “He’s been good to me, Mr. Carson.  Much better than I deserve, really, but he loves me.  He wasn’t afraid of that love and admitted it to me, but he never pushed or asked for anything in return.”

“I,” Charles started, not surprised that she’d known his reasons for marrying Moira, though it did surprise him a bit that she’d admitted she knew.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s done and over with, Mr. Carson.”  Turning to leave, Elsie caught sight of Moira standing off in the distance, staring out over the grounds of Downton.  “You’ve a wife, Mr. Carson, that loves you.  Let me go and love her.  She doesn’t deserve to always be second to a woman you, yourself, turned away.”

Charles had no words in reply to Elsie’s reprimand, so he simply stood and watched as she walked away.  Losing sight of Elsie, he turned to look out at his wife.  Elsie was right.  Moira didn’t deserve what he’d done to her.  He knew in his heart that Elsie would always be the one that knew him best, but he would heed her words.

Walking quickly out to where his wife stood, he smiled down at her when she turned to look up at him.  Caressing the tears from her cheeks, he bent to press a tender kiss to her lips.  “Will you join me in front of the fireplace at our cottage tonight, Wife?  A bit of wine and maybe some leftover dessert while we talk, hmm?”

Moira blinked up at Charles then looked over his shoulder to see Elsie Clarkson staring at them from across the way.  Looking back at her husband, Moira nodded.  “I would like that, Husband,” she answered softly as she covered his hands with hers.  As Charles kissed her again, Moira thought about the woman that held his heart long before her.  Her Charles had broken the woman’s heart and yet, as sure as her name was Moira Carson, she knew that the woman had made Charles see that he needed to let her go and love his wife. 

She’d always be grateful even if the woman never knew it.

 

~*~

 

Elsie hummed as she leaned back into Richard’s chest, his arms wrapping around her from behind.  “Hello, Mo chéile.”

“Hello, Mo bhean.”  Richard murmured against her ear.  “Did you have a pleasant visit with Beryl?” he asked between nips at her neck.

“Mmm.”  Elsie hummed and tilted her head back against his shoulder.  “I did.”

Hearing something in her voice, Richard pulled away and turned her to face him.  “What is it?”

Elsie sighed and snuggled against his chest.  “I met Mr. Carson as I was going in to see Beryl and then I met Mrs. Carson before I made it upstairs.”

“Oh.  And how did that go?”

“Better than the last time.”  Elsie sighed again and fidgeted with a button on Richard’s shirt.  “He only greeted me, but Mrs. Carson, well,”

“Yes?”

“She wanted me to let Mr. Carson go.”

“What?”  Richard asked a bit startled at the nonsense. 

“She thought that I was still holding on to what had been.  I informed her that I let him go a long time ago.”  Pulling back, Elsie smiled up at Richard.  “I told her that I am in love with my husband and that Mr. Carson has no place in my life anymore.”

“There’s more, isn’t there?”

Elsie nodded.  “Yes.  Mr. Carson caught me as I was leaving.  Foolish man.”

“He just won’t let go.  Do I need to have a word?”

Elsie chuckled, “Easy, Mo chéile.  I took care of it.”

“All fiery dragon?”  Richard asked, a bit of hopefulness in his voice.

Elsie smiled as she shook her head.  “No.  No dragon.  She stayed in her cave.”  She winked at him when he laughed.  “I merely told the man to let me go and give his love to the woman he replaced me with because she doesn’t deserve what he’s been doing to her.”

“Making her second to the woman he’d let go.”

“Yes.”  Elsie nodded.  “Now, enough of the Carsons.  I’m more interested in the Clarksons.”

“Oh?  And what would you like to know about them?”

“I would like to know if Mr. Clarkson intends to take his wife out as he’d promised last night.”

“Hmm.”  Richard pretended to think.  “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“Oh!”  Elsie lightly smacked his chest.  “We are still going to Isobel’s right?”

“Yes.  Just let me go wash up and change.”

“I need to do that myself.”  Elsie took his hand as they walked toward the stairs.  “Are you going to be alright around Mr. Carson for the cricket match on Saturday?”

“I’m looking forward to it, Love.”

Elsie shook her head and chuckled, “You’ll have to play nicely, Love.”

“I always play nice, Mrs. Clarkson.”

“Uh hum.”  Elsie gave him a sideways look.  “Just remember you’ll have a lass wearing white and your tartan watching and cheering you on.”

Turning to her as they reached their room, Richard caressed her hair behind her ear.  “I know and I’m looking forward to it.  You’ll be the most beautiful lass there.”


	23. Chapter 23

Elsie tucked a wayward curl behind her ear as she checked herself one last time in the mirror.  Her cream colored dress fit her perfectly thanks to Mrs. Warren, and she’d tied a tartan sash about her waist that matched the shawl she had gotten for Christmas from Richard.  The brooch was pinned over her heart.  Blue ear bobs dangled from her ears, a gift from Fia, who had told Elsie she needed to start wearing more jewelry.  Her shoes were highly impractical things, but Isobel had insisted she needed a pair to match such a beautiful dress. 

The dress and shoes had been a gift to herself so that she would have the perfect outfit to show her support for Richard as he played today because all she’d had was light blue blouses and dark skirts.  This was the first time she was going to the match as someone’s woman, and she intended to dress the part.  The new ring on her finger had been Richard’s gift to her two days after they’d made love and became more than just legal spouses.

“Oh Elsie.”  Isobel breathed as he came into the room, having arrived and let herself in so they could walk to the field together.  “You’ll have to stay out of his sight or he’ll be watching you instead of what’s going on in the game.” 

Elsie shook her head.  “Izzie,” she tutted.  “don’t be silly.”

Isobel started to say something when the ring on Elsie’s finger caught her eye.  “Elsie, where did that come from?” she asked as she reached out and grabbed the other woman’s hand.  “It’s beautiful.”

“It was Richard’s grandmother’s.  It seems his grandfather was as taken with her blue eyes as Richard is with mine.”

“Hence the sapphire.”

“Yes.  I was shocked that it fit.”  Elsie gently caressed the delicate ring.  “It’s so expensive that I don’t wear it when I’m cleaning and puttering about the house.  I would hate to lose the stone or damage such a priceless heirloom.”

“When did he give it to you?”  Isobel asked as she studied her friend.

“Two days after,” Elsie paused and blushed.

Isobel smiled and chuckled a bit at her friend’s blushing.  “Two days after you became his wife in more than name only.”

“Yes.”  Elsie answered quietly then shook herself out of it and tugged at Isobel’s hand.  “Enough of that.  We’ll be late if we keep chattering.”

“And we wouldn’t want the good doctor’s wife to be late showing her support.”

“That’s right.”  Elsie smiled as they walked down the stairs, pausing at the hooks by the door for her shawl.  “I can’t believe how cool it is.  It’s usually fairly warm on the day of the match.”

“The weather has been so bizarre this year, I’m surprised it isn’t snowing.”

“That would make for a fun game.”

Isobel laughed as they left the cottage and started the walk to the cricket field.  “I think I’m going to sit with the village this year.  After all, I do live closer to the village than I do the Abbey.”

“Well, since I’m sure they won’t have the children out in this cool weather, I don’t see the harm in it.  If wee George was going to be here, I’d tell you to sit with them, but I’ll be glad for the company.”

“I’m sure Cousin Violet will have something to say about it.  Probably Cousin Cora, too.”

“And?”  Elsie looked at her friend, a smirk on her lips, an eyebrow arched.

“Oh hush.”  Isobel laughed.

“Just think, you’ll not have to listen to them.”  Elsie narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice.  “You can tell me about this rumor I’ve heard about you seeing a gentleman while in London.”

Isobel’s eyes widened at that.  “What?”

“Don’t try that with me, Isobel Crawley.”  Elsie shook her finger at her friend.  “I want details.  If I can tell you about my relationship, you can tell me about yours.”

“There is no relationship.  He’s well, I, he’s just, we just,” Isobel stopped and snarled at her lack of the ability to form a coherent sentence.  “Oh damn,” she cursed.

Elsie spluttered then put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, her blue eyes sparkling as she watched Isobel glare at her.  “I’m not afraid of you,” she whispered when she could speak again.

Isobel looked around to make sure no one was watching then turned back and quickly stuck her tongue out.  “You Scottish witch,” she hissed then began to chuckle.

Elsie simple smirked then laughed, “Come on before someone notices us standing here laughing like we’re crazy.”

“I think we’ve already been noticed.”  Isobel whispered as she nodded her head in the direction of where she’d spotted Richard heading toward them.

Elsie blushed slightly when she could clearly see the way Richard was looking at her.  Suddenly she felt much too warm with her shawl around her shoulders and swallowed hard to calm herself.  “Richard,” she whispered when he paused in front of her, his grey-blue eyes taking her in from head to toe.

“You’re beautiful, Mo bhean.”  Richard whispered as he reached out and took her hand, lifting it to press a kiss to the palm, knowing that kissing her would only embarrass her should someone other than Isobel see.

Isobel sighed and smiled when the couple looked at her.  “It’s so wonderful to see new love.”

Elsie shook her head.  “I never took you for a sappy romantic.”

“Not sappy.”  Isobel denied with a shake of her head.  “Just very happy for two very dear friends.”

Richard winked at her.  “I’m the sappy one.”

Elsie chuckled and shook her head.  “I don’t think Robbie Burns would appreciate his poetry being described as sappy, Mo chéile.”

Isobel frowned at the use of the unknown words.  “What is that the two of you are calling each other?  Is it the language of home?”

Richard nodded.  “It is.  What we’re saying is my husband, my wife.”

Isobel smiled.  “It’s lovely.”

“It’s nice being able to talk to someone in the Gaelic.”  Elsie said then turned back to Richard.  “You should be going back to the field now.  I see His Lordship looking this way.”

Squeezing her hand before letting it go, Richard smiled at her then Isobel.  “You ladies enjoy yourselves, but Elsie?”

“Yes?”

“Sit out of my sight a bit, please?  I’d rather not lose.”

Isobel laughed at Elsie’s reaction.  “I told you.”

“Oh do hush, Izzie.”  Elsie hissed good naturedly as they watched Richard walk back to meet Lord Grantham in the middle of the field.

 

~*~

 

“So how is it being married to my former housekeeper, Doctor?  I can’t imagine it’s as pleasant as it would have been being married to Cousin Isobel.  Mrs. Hughes was always a bit icy, not very forthcoming with emotion.”  Robert patted the older man on the arm in sympathy.

Richard frowned.  “I beg your pardon, Lord Grantham, but I must disagree with your assessment of my wife.  She’s never been icy.  And if she was never forthcoming with her emotions, it was due to her position in your household.”

Robert smiled at the man and patted his arm again.  “Calm down, man.  I was merely testing to see if what I’ve been told is true, and it would seem that my wife, and the rest of the women in my family, are correct.  You are in love with our dear Mrs. Hughes.”

“Mrs. Clarkson.”  Richard corrected then smiled.  “And yes, Your Lordship, I am quite in love with her.”

“I’m happy for you, Dr. Clarkson.  A man shouldn’t be without a good woman by his side, and Mrs. Clarkson is one of the best.  Our household misses her terribly.”

“I’m sure they do.  She would be hard to replace.”

“Yes, she has been.  Mrs. Carson, while she knows her job, just,” Robert sighed and shook his head.  “She isn’t Mrs. Clarkson.”

Richard chuckled a bit.  “Well you can’t have her back.  I’ve grown very accustomed to having her waiting for me at home.”

“Cousin Isobel would have my head if I tried to take her new friend back.”

“They were friends before Mrs. Clarkson left your household, My Lord.”

Robert raised his eyebrow at that.  “Oh?”

Richard nodded.  “Not as close as they are now, but yes, they were.  I think the business with the young woman that had been a maid at your home and then,” he paused and shrugged, knowing how angered the Earl had been over that whole situation.

Robert growled a bit.  “Yes, well.”

“Sorry, Your Lordship, but that was when their friendship was formed.”

“I never could understand why Mrs. Clarkson helped that dreadful girl after sacking her.”

“You know what kind of woman she is, My Lord.  Do you really think she could let a wee babe starve?”

Robert shook his head at that.  “No, I don’t.  You know, Dr. Clarkson, I’ve just noticed that Cousin Isobel has stayed on your side of the spectators.”

“She told us that since she lives closer to the village and that,” Richard paused then continued.  “She doesn’t have a reason to be anywhere else, Your Lordship.  She was only your family through Mr. Crawley.”

“But she’s grandmother to George.”  Robert argued.

“Yes, she is, but the wee lad isn’t here.”

Robert chuckled slightly, though it was the wrong time for such a thing, but he’d just realized the doctor’s accent was more pronounced than he’d ever heard it.  “I’m sorry, Doctor, but I’ve just noticed that your brogue is stronger than usual.”

Richard cleared his throat.  “Sorry, My Lord.  I’ve grown accustomed to not censoring it around my wife.”

“It’s quite alright.  I’ve come to learn that one must be true to themselves and not change for the sake of fitting in.  If you’re proud of your heritage, which I know you are, don’t temper yourself.  I’m sure Mrs. Clarkson enjoys being able to speak as she once did.”  Robert smiled at a memory of the first time he’d heard Elsie Hughes Clarkson speak.  “I remember the first time I heard Mrs. Clarkson talk.  I was fascinated with the lilting quality of her thick accent.  I was also very surprised when she started saying words I couldn’t understand when a young footman took liberties.”

Richard chuckled, “I’m sure you would have been more than shocked had you been able to understand the Gaelic.”

Robert arched an eyebrow.  “Oh?  Surely she wasn’t,” he stopped then laughed.

“She most assuredly was.”

“It seems you’ve heard her.”

“A few times.”  Richard smiled.  “Of course I’m the only one that can understand her, so she doesn’t worry.  I find it rather amusing.”

“Where did she learn such words?  She’s always seemed too much of a lady for such talk.”

“She grew up on a farm, Your Lordship.” Richard’s voice lowered as he looked off toward where he could see Isobel and barely a bit of Elsie. 

“I think I understand what you aren’t saying, Doctor.”  Robert smiled when the man looked back at him.  “Shall we get this game started?”

“Are you ready to lose?”

Robert laughed at that.  “We’ll see.  I’ve a good team this year.  No Molesley to muck things up.”

“We shall see.”  Richard smiled, confident that the village would win as they had for the last several years.


	24. Chapter 24

Violet raised an eyebrow as she caught sight of Elsie Clarkson moving about during the break in the game.  “Look,” she whispered as she tapped Cora on the shoulder.

“What is it, Mama?”  Cora asked.

“Over there.”  Violet pointed.

Cora’s gaze followed the direction her mother-in-law’s finger was pointing.  Finally seeing what Violet wanted her to, she raised an eyebrow.  “She’s beautiful,” she whispered.  “Being in love obviously agrees with her.”

“It isn’t the being in love that agrees with her.”  Violet huffed.  “It’s the being loved.”

Cora nodded in agreement.  Her mother-in-law was right as usual.  “You’re right, Mama.”

“Aren’t I always?”  Violet asked with a frown.  Really, her daughter-in-law would never learn. 

“Yes, Mama.”

Violet rolled her eyes then turned to watch Elsie and Isobel as they walked about, talking with the village ladies, pausing when one of the children tugged at Elsie’s skirt.  “The village children seem taken with her.”

“Our Edith and Sybil were always taken with her.  And Sybie loves her Sie as she calls Mrs. Clarkson.”  Cora chuckled a bit at that.

“Sie?  What sort of name is that for the child to call Mrs. Clarkson?”

“The only name she can say at the moment.  Don’t fuss so, Mama.  Tom corrected her, Mrs. Clarkson told him not to.  She said Sybie was still a babe and that she’d learn the way of things soon enough.  And she was right.”

Violet nodded.  “Our former housekeeper is a very wise woman.  Would have made a better mother than,” she stopped and shrugged.

“Than the two of us.”  Cora finished, a bit startled that her mother-in-law had gone down that road.  “Yes, I suppose she would have.  I don’t think our dear Mrs. Clarkson would have let society dictate how she treated her children.”

Looking out at where Robert stood talking to Dr. Clarkson, Violet sighed.  She’d not been the best mother, though she’d been the best that she knew how, the best that her upbringing had taught her to be.  “Did you notice she’s wearing a tartan sash about her waist?” she asked, changing the subject.

Cora was thankful for the change in subject as it was getting a bit uncomfortable.  “Yes, I did.  I believe it matches the tartan shawl she was wearing earlier when it was still a bit cool.  Didn’t Cousin Isobel say that it was Dr. Clarkson’s family colors?”

“Ah, yes.  I believe she did.”  Violet scowled.  “And why is Cousin Isobel sitting with the villagers?”

“Why would she be sitting with us?”  Cora asked.  “She has no reason to with George at Downton.”

“She’s family!”  Violet protested.

Cora raised an eyebrow at that.  “Is she?”

“Of course she is.”

“No, Mama.  She isn’t.  At least, not as far as she’s concerned.  We’ve never welcomed her, have we?  We only tolerated her because she was Matthew’s mother.”

Violet shook her head.  “Did you hear about the man in London?” she asked, once again changing the subject to something less unpleasant.

Cora rolled her eyes at the gossip as she watched Elsie swing about a little boy that looked to be a small lad of two years.  “I did hear.  Edith said that she’d seen them, though she didn’t think Cousin Isobel saw her.”

“And what did Edith say?”

“She said that he was a very dashing gentleman that seemed to be very taken with Cousin Isobel.”

“What about Cousin Isobel?”  Edith asked then gasped when she saw Elsie.  “My goodness.”

“What?”  Cora asked.

“Mrs. Clarkson.  We were right.”

Cora chuckled a bit.  “Yes, we were.  She’s very happy it seems.”

“As she deserves after what Carson did to her.”  Edith frowned.  “Why must men be so incredibly stupid?”

Violet snorted at that.  “In Carson’s case, coward would apply more aptly than stupid.”

“I don’t see Carson as a coward.”  Cora frowned.

“Don’t you?”  Violet asked.  “He knew the woman loved him, he would have had to be a blind fool not to, and from the gossip he was in love with Mrs. Hughes as well.  Yet, he married another woman.”

“And after our dear Mrs. Hughes was so very frightened for her health.”  Cora whispered.

“Clarkson, Mama.”  Edith reminded.  Sighing as she watched Elsie take a glass of water to Dr. Clarkson, she wished she had someone to look at her like the good doctor was looking at the former housekeeper.  “He really does love her,” she whispered.

“Very much, it would seem.”

Violet kept silent, her thoughts going back to the days when she’d had a man that smiled and looked at her like the doctor was looking at his wife.  She’d never been one for sentimentality, but the older she got, the more she found herself thinking of the days when she was the Countess.  Days when she had the handsome Earl at her side, teasing her with a gentle tap of his foot against hers at the table, or letting her know he’d be spending the night in her bed by trailing his fingers across her shoulders as he walked behind her.  Every woman should be loved, like her late beloved husband had loved her, at least once in their lives.

 

~*~

 

“We’re being watched.”  Isobel whispered as she and Elsie moved back to their seats.

“I know, but I’m not surprised.  The ladies have been on my side through this, though Beryl said they’ve all started treating the Carsons better.”

“Mrs. Carson still isn’t as well liked.”

“I don’t know that she ever will be, though I can’t help that.  I earned my job, worked hard to gain that position.  The family didn’t have me thrust into their lives without knowing me.  Unlike Mrs. Carson, who took the job because I left.”

“Forced to leave.”  Isobel snarled.  “Though I suppose, now that I see the beauty of your new found love with Richard, it has all worked out for the good.”

“Yes it has.”  Elsie smiled as she watched Richard take his place once again on the field, thankful that he’d successfully avoided Charles.  She suspected this half of the game would bring about their meeting, and she hoped that both men remembered themselves.  “For the first time in my life, heartbreak brought about something good.  I’ve never known that, Izzie.  I’m still amazed, really.”

Isobel reached over and squeezed her friend’s hand.  “Then it’s about time, I say.”

Elsie smiled then narrowed her eyes.  “So, out with it.  Who is he?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”  Isobel tried denial again.

“Izzie.”  Elsie warned.

Isobel sighed, “Fine then.  His name is Alistair Montague.  He’s a friend from my school days, though he was three grades behind me.”

“A younger man?”  Elsie asked, acting scandalized.  “Isobel.”

“Oh.”  Isobel wrinkled her nose at Elsie. 

Elsie laughed and patted Isobel’s hand.  “So how long has this been going on?”

Isobel shrugged.  “Off and on since the year after my husband died.”

“And?”

“And what?”  Isobel asked.  “Is there more to it?  Is that what you’re asking?”  She shook her head.  “I told you, I don’t want to marry again.  There is nothing between Alistair and I other than friends who happen to be occasional lovers.  He travels a lot so I don’t see him often, but it’s enough.  I enjoy his company and attentions, Elsie.  Nothing more.”

“And he’s okay with that?”

“He loved his wife and doesn’t feel the need to marry again.  We’re well suited, really.”  Isobel blushed as she lowered her voice.  “He’s a wonderfully attentive lover.  He takes me to the opera, out to dine, things that I enjoy doing, but not by myself.”

“This time though, there was more.”  Elsie guessed.  “You asked him to meet you in London, it wasn’t just happenstance.”

“No, it wasn’t, and yes I did.  It wasn’t the first time I’ve met him in London since,” she shook her head then continued.  “It’s just the first time I’ve been caught out.”  Looking at Elsie, Isobel held her gaze a moment before looking out over the field.  “I sent word to him about Matthew.  I never know where he will be, so I sent the letter to his home.  They forwarded it on to him in Italy.  He wired and told me that he would leave as soon as he could.  I received another wire the next day telling me the date he would be returning to London.  I met him because I needed to forget the pain.  I needed to know that I was still able to feel something other than the gaping hole in my heart.  George was filling my days, but the nights, Elsie,” she shook her head.  “The nights were horrid.  Alistair’s quiet ways and gentle touch were just what I needed.”

“I’m glad you have him, Isobel.  If one is going to have a lover, it’s good to have one that’s a friend.  You can trust them better that way.”  Elsie winked.

“Oh yes.  He’d never talk out of turn.”  Isobel sighed as she continued to stare blankly out over the field.  “That first time all those months ago, he didn’t offer condolences.  He didn’t say he was sorry.  He didn’t ask what had happened.  I knocked on the door of his flat, he opened it and gently tugged me inside.  Never saying a word, he helped me off with my coat and hat, then took my hand and led me to bed.  Later, he lifted me up and carried me to the en suite where he bathed me then took me back to the bedroom, slipped my nightdress over my head, and held me as I slept.”  Looking back at Elsie, she held her gaze.  “He never said a word, Elsie.  The entire time I was with him.  Nothing.  Just gave me what I needed.”

“Are you sure he doesn’t love you, Izzie?”

“He does love me.”  Isobel corrected.  “He just isn’t _in_ love with me.”

Elsie nodded.  “And there is definitely a difference.”

“Most definitely.  If I were to marry again, I would want to be in love with the man, and I would most definitely want him to be in love with me.  Reginald and I were very much in love when we married and that only grew as we got older.  I was devastated when he died.  It was Alistair that reached out to me.  He was the first person that understood the pain I was in that didn’t use platitudes and the ridiculousness propriety demands.”

“And was that when you became lovers?”  Elsie asked quietly even though they were by themselves.

“No.  I did spend time with him, but all he did was hold me while I cried.”

Elsie reached out to squeeze Isobel’s hand.  “Did Mr. Crawley know?”

“Yes, Matthew knew.  He never said anything because he saw how much Alistair helped me become myself again.”

“Thank you for telling me, Izzie.”

“You’ve told me about you and Richard, I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I hadn’t told you about Alistair when you asked.”  Isobel returned Elsie’s squeeze.

Elsie turned in time to see Richard hit the ball and watched as he ran, her breath catching when he stumbled and fell.  “Richard!” she yelled as she shot up out of her seat and rushed out to where he was, Isobel following closely behind.

Richard looked up when Elsie knelt beside him.  “I’m alright, Elsie.”

“Are you sure?” she asked as she clasped his hand in one of hers. 

“I’m positive.”  Richard smiled at her.  “Just playing the bit of a clumsily old fool.”

“Not an old fool.”  Elsie scolded.

“Did you twist an ankle or wrench a knee?”  Isobel asked.

“I twisted my ankle, but I haven’t broken anything.”  Richard looked from Elsie to Isobel.  “Don’t you start fussing.  One fussing woman is enough.”

Elsie wrinkled her nose at him.  “I’m your wife, I’m supposed to fuss.”

Richard laughed as he looked up at Robert.  “See, I told you.”

“Yes, you did.  And you’re right.  We were wrong about her.”

Elsie frowned.  “I’m here,” she grumbled then mumbled something in Gaelic under her breath.

Robert’s eyes widened in delight.  “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that.”  He smiled at Elsie.  “I always found it fascinating when you would do that in your early years at Downton.”

Elsie blushed.  “It’s just as well you couldn’t understand me.  I’d have been sacked.”

Richard laughed then looked at Tom who had come over with Robert.  “If you’ll help me up, I’ll be getting out of the way so the game can continue.”

Elsie stood with Isobel as Tom helped Richard stand.  “Come on then.  Let’s go home so that we can take care of that ankle.”

“You’re fussing.”  Richard reminded her.  “I _am_ the doctor.”

Elsie scowled at him.  “Yes, you are.  And as the doctor you said you twisted your ankle.  You should be off your feet with the hurt one propped up.”

Isobel nodded.  “She’s right.”

Richard huffed and rolled his eyes.  “Well, it seems I’m not staying to see the end of the match.”

“Don’t worry.  I’ll come by on the way home and fill you in.”  Isobel told him as she watched him scowl at Elsie when she pulled his arm around her shoulders and made him lean against her.

“I can walk on my own, Mrs. Clarkson.”

Elsie glared and moved away.  “Fine then.  Do.”

Richard narrowed his eyes at her then started to take a step and nearly stumbled again.  “Fine then.”

Elsie nodded sharply and took her place once more.  “Now stop being stubborn and let me help you home.”

“Look who is calling who stubborn,” he growled as they walked away.

Isobel laughed as she listened to her friends grumbling back and forth at each other.  “It’s wonderful.”

Tom grinned and nodded.  “I’m so glad to see her happy.”

“They don’t seem happy at the moment.”  Robert commented, though he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“The fussing will stop once they get home.”  Isobel chuckled a bit herself.  “Especially when they realize you were standing here listening to them.  Then they’ll be a bit embarrassed.”

“But Mrs. Clarkson heard me comment on hearing her.”  Robert looked at Isobel a bit perplexed. 

“Yes, she did.  It was after that when she and Richard both forgot where they were.”

Robert shook his head.  “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Isobel smiled as she looked at her cousin.  “It’s good to see them happy.  They both deserve it.”

Robert heard something in Isobel’s voice that made him think she knew something about the Clarkson’s that he had only guessed at when the doctor had come to him for help finding information of Mrs. Clarkson’s father.  “Yes, they do, Cousin Isobel.”

“We all do.”  Tom whispered.

“Here.  Here.”


	25. Chapter 25

Charles sat staring at his feet, thinking about the times that Elsie had rushed to him when he’d been hurt.  How she’d taken such care of him when he’d collapsed during the war and when he’d had the Spanish flu.

She’d been in love with _him_ then.

Now she was in love with another man, a man who showed her with small little gestures just how much he loved her in return.

He’d seen how Elsie looked as she and Mrs. Crawley arrived for the match.  The cream colored dress she wore, proudly wearing a tartan sash in what he’d learned were Clarkson’s family colors, unabashedly showing her support for her husband.

She was beautiful.

She was another man’s.

He’d been a fool.

“Charles?”  Moira asked, a hand on his shoulder.

Smiling up at his wife, Charles felt a bit guilty for his thoughts.  “Yes?  What is it?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Moira.”  Charles told her, as he reached up to squeeze her hand.  “Just thinking.”

Moira sighed, “Of her.”

“Yes, Moira.”  Charles held her hand when she tried to take it back.  “I’m sorry.  She and I were friends for many years, both of us in love with each other for most of those years but unable to do anything about it.  When things began to change to where we could have admitted our feelings, I got scared and married someone I wasn’t in love with to protect myself from emotions that could overwhelm me.  I’m sorry.  I really am trying to let her go completely.  Seeing her today, and the way she reacted when the doctor was hurt,” he shrugged.  “It made me remember things.”  Looking up at his wife over his shoulder, he squeezed her hand.  “Be patient with this old fool, Moira.  I’ve hurt you, and I know that I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking for you to all the same.”

Moira reached up with her free hand and wiped at a tear.  “I’m trying, Charles,” she whispered.  “Now, go on.  The match is starting again.”

“Thank you.”

Moira watched as Charles walked back out to where Lord Grantham was standing with Mr. Branson.  She had thought that Charles had let go of Mrs. Clarkson, but it would seem that memories were stronger than his resolve.  He’d asked her to be patient, well, she would.

What else could she do?

She was hopelessly in love with the man, no matter how much he may have hurt her by marrying her to protect himself from the love he felt for another woman.

Moira had asked him why he’d been afraid, but all she’d received in answer was a very vague explanation that emotions had gotten him in trouble in the past.  She knew that Elsie Clarkson knew of his past, was sure that His Lordship knew of it, and suspected that Mr. Bates knew.  She was also very sure that she would never know the truth.  Her husband would never again allow himself to grow as close to another as he had to the former housekeeper.

She sighed.  As long as he at least tried to love her, she’d be content.

“If only we could avoid the Clarksons.”

 

~*~

 

“I’m really alright, Elsie.”  Richard fussed when she knelt at his feet and took off first one shoe then the other before taking off his socks.

Throwing up her hands, Elsie pushed herself up and stormed off, muttering under her breath.

Richard blinked in surprise at her reaction.  “Elsie, what is it?”

“You’re obviously hurt, I know that you are, but yet you insist on fussing at me for helping.”  Elsie stared out the window.  “I’m your wife, Richard, but I’m not a flighty thing.  I know what happens when one twists an ankle.  Look at it.  It’s already swollen.  You’ve done more than twist it.”  She shook her head.  “Never mind me, I’m going upstairs to change and lay down.”

Richard stood and hobbled toward her as she passed, grasping her arm to stop her.  “Elsie Clarkson!” he growled.  “Stop.”

“Richard, I’m tired, and you don’t want my help.  I see no need to stay down here.”

Holding her arms, Richard stared down at her.  “Tell me the truth, Elsie.  What’s really the matter?”

Elsie sighed as she looked away.  “Nothing.”

“Elsie.”  Richard warned as he turned her face back to him.  “Look at me.”

Elsie kept her eyes down.  “Let me go, Richard.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Looking up at him, Elsie’s eyes filled with tears.  “I was frightened.  Alright?  I saw you fall and I,” she swallowed down the tremor in her voice.  “I didn’t know why you fell.  I was afraid,” she shook her head.  “I was being a silly fool.”

Smiling, Richard tenderly cupped her face.  “My heart, dear lady, is in perfect condition.  And I’ll not have you calling my wife a silly fool just because she loves me enough to worry.”  Kissing her softly, he nuzzled his nose against hers.  “My ankle is sprained, Elsie.  Help me upstairs for a warm bath?  Maybe take one with me?”

Elsie swallowed as she rested her forehead against his.  “I’m sorry.”

“Shh.  None of that.  You’re a fiery lass and I want you to keep that fire.”  Pulling back to hold her gaze, Richard wiped at the tear that escaped.  “I love you, Elsie.  It does my heart good to know that someone cares so much for me.  I’m set in my ways, Lass.  You’ll have to give me time to always remember that I have a wife to worry over me.”

Pressing a kiss to his lips, Elsie smiled at him.  “If we’re going to share a bath, we should get to it.  We’ll be having a visitor after the match is over.”

“There’ll be refreshments after, remember?”

Elsie winked.  “How can I forget?” she asked as she slowly helped him toward the stairs.

Doing his best not to lean on Elsie too much, but still keep his weight mostly off his ankle, Richard caressed her neck with his thumb.  “Did I tell you how very beautiful you are today, mo bhean?”

“I believe so, yes.”  Elsie answered as they entered the washroom.  Turning to the tub, she bent to start the water running, getting it to the right temperature before plugging the drain.  Standing up, she turned back to Richard and smiled when she noticed that he’d taken off everything but his trousers.  “Need my help?”

“I believe so, Lass.  I think if I tried to step out of them, I’d fall over.”  Richard winked at her.  “I’m getting a might sore from the fall.”

“And your muscles are probably tired as well from all the activity.”  Elsie guessed as she stood beside him, letting him use her shoulder to help him balance as he stepped out of his trousers and shorts.  “Now, let me help you in the tub.”

“You are going to join me, aren’t you, mo bhean?”  Richard asked as he sat in the water, sighing as the heat began to relax his tired muscles and soothe his throbbing ankle.

“I am.  I just need to go and get towels.  I’ll be right back.”  Elsie told him as she bent to kiss the top of his head.

“Hurry.”

 

~*~

 

Richard held Elsie close, enjoying the weight of her body resting against his.  “Elsie, I’m sorry for not understanding earlier.”

Gently caressing the arms that rested around her waist, Elsie nuzzled his neck.  “Shh.  It’s alright.  We were bound to have a row at some point.  We have been independent people for most of our lives, it will take us both some time to completely adjust to being married.”

“I think we’ve adjusted quite well.”  Richard whispered as he gently kissed her temple, his thumb moving back and forth over her stomach.

“Mmm,” she hummed.  “Richard, not here.  You’ll hurt your foot.”

Richard grumbled but agreed.  Scowling when Elsie sat up, turned around and winked at him, he sighed at the feel of her hands rubbing soap over his body.  “Lass, that isn’t helping.”

Elsie gave a throaty chuckle.  “Easy, Lad.”  Handing him the soap when she’d finished rinsing suds off him, she turned her back to him once again.  “Now hurry up before the water grows cold.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”  Richard laughed.  As he smoothed the lather over her, he smiled.  “You called me lad.”

“You called me lass,” she countered.

“I liked it.”

Elsie smiled as she turned to look at him over her shoulder, the water still rolling down her back from where he’d rinsed her off.  “I like it when you call me lass.  I’d not like it for someone else to call me that.  I’d have their head.”

Richard laughed and pulled her against him.  “I love you, Elsie Clarkson.”

“I love you too, Mr. Clarkson.”

“Take me to bed.”

“Yes, Sir.”  She gave him a cheeky smile and a wink as she stood up, her blue eyes darkening as she watched the way his gaze followed the water as it slid down her body.

“Elsie.”  Richard groaned.

Stepping out of the tub, Elsie hurriedly dried herself off then picked up the other towel before turning to hold out her hands for Richard.  “Come on then.  Out.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”  Richard smirked as he took her hands and carefully stepped out of the tub.  His ankle was still swelled, but not as badly as it would have been had he not had a bit of a soak.  Bracing himself with his hands on her shoulders, he closed his eyes as Elsie’s hands patted the towel over his skin, drying him and arousing him at the same time.  “Elsie,” he moaned when she brushed the soft cloth against him.

Elsie looked up, her eyes dark, her fingers wrapping gently around him as she wiped away the last of the water.  Holding his gaze, she moved her hand a bit before straightening back up and pressing her body against his.  “Would you like a massage?  I can use the liniment you have downstairs.”

“Massage?” he asked, a bit of a high pitch to his voice.

Elsie smirked.  “Yes.  For your sore muscles.”

“Sore muscles, uh,” Richard stuttered to a halt.  Grabbing her wandering hands, he stared down at her, his own eyes darkened with desire.  “Bed.  No massage.”

Elsie laughed as she pulled away.  “Let me drain the tub and hang the towels.”

“Elsie,” he nearly whimpered, drawing out her name.

“I can’t leave it.”  Elsie told him as she pulled the stopper on the tub.  Wiping her hands on the towel over her shoulder, she hurriedly hung it beside the one she’d used then turned back to her disgruntled husband.  Smiling at him as she walked to where he stood wearing a scowl on his face, she pressed against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “Kiss me.”

Wrapping his arms around her, a hand drifted to cup a rounded buttock as the other lifted to tangle in her hair.  “Gladly,” he breathed against her lips before capturing them in a kiss.

Elsie trembled as she moaned into the kiss, her hands gripping Richard’s waist as the kissed deepened.  Pulling back with the need for air, she let her forehead rest against his shoulder.  “We really need to move this to the bed.  You’ll hurt your ankle this way too.”

Richard chuckled as he tried to calm himself.  “One track mind.”

Elsie moved back and smiled.  “Yes.  And the track it’s on, is getting you to bed so I can have my way with you without hurting you.”

Laughing out right at that, Richard wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  “Lead the way, mo bhean.  I’m all for you having your way with me.  Seems more than just my _mind_ is on that track.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie smiled down at Richard as she moved over him, taking her time to pleasure them both.  She hummed her approval when his hands lifted to cup her breasts, his thumbs and forefingers gently rolling taut nipples between them.  “Yes, mo chéile,” she breathed when he gently tweaked a sensitive peak.

Richard groaned as he moved his hands down to grip Elsie’s hips.  She was driving him mad as she continued to move up and down over him, grinding against him with each downward stroke.  She’d told him to let her do all the work, but all he wanted to do was roll them over and thrust into her fast and wild to relieve the sweet ache she was building within his body.  “Elsie, mo bhean, please,” he whispered.

Gripping his shoulders, Elsie let her head fall back as she picked up a faster rhythm, giving them both what their bodies craved.  Collapsing against him, she panted to catch her breath, his heart pounding beneath her ear.  She couldn’t quite believe they’d done this in broad daylight, but at this point, she was so boneless she couldn’t quite bring herself to care.

“We’re married, Lass.”  Richard whispered as if he could read her thoughts.  He lifted a hand to caress her back as he continued, “It’s perfectly alright for us to indulge ourselves.”

Elsie smiled against his skin.  “Indulge ourselves, hmm?”

Tracing the line of her spine, Richard pressed a kiss to her head.  “Oh yes.  It’s the perfect way to rest after a cricket match.”

Elsie laughed as she gently smacked his chest then kissed that same spot.  “We’ll need to get dressed.  Isobel will be coming, and we don’t want her to find us like this.”

“Most definitely not.”  Richard growled then sighed, “I think I’ll stay here.  Going back down the stairs doesn’t sound very appealing.”

Elsie laughed a bit as she sat up.  Caressing his face, she kissed him.  “Alright, you can stay here and rest.  I’ll visit with Isobel and then fix something to eat.  After that, I’ll give you a massage.”

“You’re taking very good care of me.”

“I’m your wife, I love you, it’s what I’m supposed to do.”  Elsie kissed him again then slipped from their bed, grabbing her dressing gown.  “I really should have picked up my clothes from the floor.”

Richard laughed, “Ever the tidy one.  You were a bit distracted, mo bhean,” he reminded her.

“That I was.”


	26. Chapter 26

Richard watched Elsie as she walked up ahead of him, her focus off in the distance across the water.  He’d brought her home to Argyll just as she’d asked, and now they were walking along the coast.  Elsie seemed to belong here, blending in with the surroundings as if she were a part of the nature that ebbed and flowed in the wind and water.

Maybe she was, he mused as he continued to watch her.  He’d often thought that there was a bit of highland witch in his wife – a mystical essence about her that set her apart from other women.  He’d never mentioned it to her, sure that she’d be a bit cross with him, but the more he watched her, the more aware of it he became.

Elsie turned to look at him, her eyes the color of the sea, beckoning him to join her.  Richard blinked as he did her bidding, never uttering a word.  Taking her outstretched hand, Richard stared down at her, waiting to see what she would do next.

“Mo chéile.”  Elsie breathed, turning back to look at the water as she began to speak, her lilting voice soft as the Gaelic flowed from her tongue as if she’d never spent a day where she didn’t speak their native language.

Richard’s breathing shallowed, not wanting the sound of it to block anything she said.  As the words floated around them, he felt as though he were floating along with them, his heart racing, his mind free of everything but Elsie and the sound of her voice. 

Bringing her home had freed her, Elsie knew.  Richard had started the process by loving her and caring enough to learn about her father’s fate.  Now, here in this place, the last of the puzzle had been completed.  She was whole, truly and completely.  Turning back to look at her husband, she moved closer to him, smiling up at him.

“Breathe,” she whispered.

Doing as told, Richard reached out to caress her face.  “Elsie,” he breathed her name.  “What just happened?”

Elsie tilted her face into his hand.  “I’m free, Richard.”

“Free, Elsie?”

She nodded.  “Free.”

Smiling softly at her, Richard caressed over her face, pushing back wispy strands of hair that had worked their way loose in the wind.  “What do you want now, Lass?”

“We’ll visit our sisters and then,” Elsie leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder.  “I want to go back to our little cottage.  That’s home now.”

“Home, Elsie?  I thought you said you’d never find home again.”  Richard whispered against her hair.

“That was when my heart was broken, before a tender hearted doctor came in and healed more than just the broken heart.”  Looking up at Richard, Elsie’s tears rolled down her cheeks.  “You healed old wounds that had long been hidden.  I love you, Richard Clarkson, _you_ _are_ my home.”

 

~*~

 

Beryl wiped at her tears as she read Elsie’s letter.  She’d been missing her friend, not having been able to go and visit her for the last few weeks with her being in Scotland.  The words written on the paper weren’t what brought the tears to Beryl’s eyes, it was what she read between the lines, what wasn’t there in black and white.

“Beryl?  Love, what is it?”  Edward Mason asked as he knelt in front of her.  “Is it bad news?”

Beryl shook her head and patted the hand on her knee.  “No bad news.  Just a letter from Elsie.”

“Then why the tears?”

Beryl smiled at the man that had slowly stolen her heart, something she seemed to have in common with Elsie.  “They’re not sad tears.”

Smiling as he patted at her cheeks with his handkerchief, Edward squeezed her hand.  “Shall we tell her our news then?”

“When she returns home.  Maybe we’ll have them here for dinner?”

“Sounds like a fine idea, Love.”  

Beryl patted his cheek.  “Where’s Daisy?”

Edward laughed, “She’s off with Alfred.”

Beryl raised an eyebrow at that.  “Oh?”

“Seems the lad finally realized Ivy was only interested in Jimmy.”

Beryl shook her head.  “Kids.”

“They’re young, but they’re learning.”

“Are you alright with this?”

“William were a good lad, he wouldn’t want her to be alone.”

Kissing his forehead, Beryl stood from the table and held out her hand to help Edward up.  “Come on then.  Best let me get to fixing our dinner.”

“Beryl?”

“Yes, Edward?”

“Are you happy here?”

“You have to know that I am.  I’m enjoying doing whatever I want to, being my own boss.”

“I’m glad because I’ve been happy with you here.”

“Oh, go on with ya.”  Beryl shook her head at him and gently shoved his shoulder before heading off to the kitchen, shaking her head and chuckling as she went.  So many things had changed with one man’s heart breaking decision.

The changes had been good, though some of them they were all still trying to adjust to.

 

~*~

 

Elsie sat across Richard’s lap, her head on his shoulder, hand resting over his heart.  The silence around them was comforting and peaceful.  She’d been quiet since they returned to their hotel, her thoughts calm, needing only to feel.

Gently caressing her back, Richard slowly sipped at the whiskey Elsie had poured him before settling on his lap.  His mind was still trying to process what he’d seen and heard this afternoon.  The words she’d said, while in the Gaelic, were old words that seemed to be from a sea shanty.  His mind had easily translated them, having heard the shanty as a child, but he was still confused as to why Elsie had said them.  What could they possibly have meant to her?

“Elsie?”

“Hmm?”

“What do the words you said mean?”

Elsie looked up at him.  “What words?”

Richard blinked in surprise at that.  “The words you whispered at the coast this afternoon.  They were from an old sea shanty my grandfather used to sing.”

“Oh,” she whispered then settled back against him.  “I don’t know why, really.  It was something my own grandfather used to sing.  He loved the water and took me to the coast as often as he could.  He told me that his great grandfather had been a sailor.  I suppose being by the water, feeling so free, I remembered the happiness I’d felt when Grandda would bring me to the water.  He taught me how to swim and would help me find shells.”

Richard smiled as he pressed a kiss to Elsie’s head.  “That’s where the shell on the mantel at home came from.”

“It’s the only one I have left.”

“Then I’m glad that you’ve chosen to share it with me.”

Elsie sighed and let her eyes drift closed.  She was perfectly comfortable here, curled up on her husband’s lap, feeling his heart beating steadily beneath her hand.  He had given her something she’d never thought she would have from someone other than her grandparents and Fia.  Then he’d given her more by finding out if the man she’d called father was alive or dead so that her mind would be at peace.

Taking the final sip of his whiskey, Richard sat the glass down on the table, then gently stood with Elsie in his arms.  Smiling when she murmured in her sleep, he made his way over to the bed, carefully laying her down, settling her against her pillows.  Pulling the blankets over her, he shut off her bedside lamp before moving to his own side of the bed and sliding in.

Turning off his lamp, he scooted down, spooning his body to Elsie’s.  Feeling her snuggling closer, he smiled in contentment as he wrapped an arm around her.  This trip had been good for them both.


	27. Chapter 27

Elsie smiled as she tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Beryl’s ear.  Smiling at her friend, she held her hands.  “Why are you nervous, Beryl?  You do love him, don’t you?”

Beryl nodded then sniffed.  “I do, but I can’t help but be nervous, Elsie.  I’ve never been a wife before.”

“I’d never been a wife before, either.  At least you’re in love.”  Elsie winked at her.  “And it’s not as if you haven’t been living with him for the last, how many months?”

“Elsie Clarkson!”  Beryl gasped and slapped Elsie’s arm.  “You know I stayed with Daisy!”

Elsie grinned wickedly.  “Do I?”

“Elsie!”  Beryl shouted again, her face the shade of her hair.  “You’re a naughty lass these days.  Do I have Richard to thank for that?”

Elsie laughed and hugged her friend.  “Where are your nervous jitters?” she whispered in Beryl’s ear.

Beryl squeezed Elsie and laughed, “You’re right crazy.”

Pulling back, Elsie winked and squeezed Beryl’s hands.  “Now come on you, let’s finish getting you ready.”

Beryl nodded and picked up her blouse, snarling at the tiny buttons as they refused to cooperate.  “What possessed me to get something with such tiny buttons?”

Elsie chuckled as she gently slapped Beryl’s hands away.  “Let me.  You picked this because it’s lovely and because it’s your man’s favorite color.”

“My man.”  Beryl whispered, a smile brightening her face.

“Yes, your man.”  Elsie winked as she finished the last button.  “That’s that then.  Now with the skirt.”

Beryl stepped into her skirt and turned so Elsie could fasten it for her.  “I can’t believe I can’t dress myself.”

Elsie shook her head.  “It’s okay.  I fumbled a bit on my wedding day.”

“So you were nervous?”

“Of course I was.  I was marrying a man that was barely a friend and I wasn’t in love with.  My heart had been broken and yet there I was, getting married.  Not exactly how one usually deals with a  broken heart.”

Beryl smiled as she turned to look at her friend once more.  “But that broken heart has been healed far more than you ever thought it would, or could be, by that marriage.”

Elsie sighed and smiled softly.  “Yes.  He’s been so very good to me and I’m happy.”

“This is it then.  After today, we’ll both be new women.”

“I’ll have to remember to yell Beryl Mason from now on.”  Elsie teased.  “Pin on your hat while I go down and tell Richard we’re ready.”

“I still can’t believe you’ve a motor of your own.”

“Well, it’s Richard’s, but you’re not alone.  I couldn’t believe it either when his Lorna gave it to us as an early anniversary present.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Her man got a new model and she thought Richard should have his own so he doesn’t have to walk, ride his bike, or wait for the motor from the Abbey.”

“Seems your man is a bit spoiled by his sister.”  Beryl winked at Elsie.

Elsie smiled.  “He is.  Now finish with your hat.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”  Beryl told her, laughing at the way Elsie snorted then said something she couldn’t understand.  “That isn’t fair!” she yelled after her friend.

Elsie was smiling as she stepped off the bottom stair.  Her friend was happy, which made her happy.  Looking up when she heard her name being whispered, she walked the rest of the way over to her husband and wrapped her arms around him.  “She’s just pinning on her hat.”

“The motor is running and waiting.”  Richard pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “You look beautiful this afternoon.”

“Cheeky thing, you told me that this morning just before,” she blushed as she tapped his cheek.  “None of that now.”

Richard laughed and shook his head.  “I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort, though we might have to make an early night of it.  We were a bit stifled with a guest in the house last night.”

“Richard.”  Elsie shushed him with a kiss.

“Ach, you two.”  Beryl huffed as she came into the room.  “Enough of that.”

Richard winked at Beryl as he released his hold on Elsie.  “You look beautiful today, Beryl.  Nervous?”

“Cheeky bugger.”  Beryl mumbled even as she smiled.  “And yes, I’m a bit nervous.”

“I’m sure Edward is a wee bit nervous as well.  I was.”

“You were?”  Elsie asked as she blinked up at him.

“Yes.  I was marrying a woman who’d had her heart broken, trying to be a friend and give her a home.  That was a big step for me after so many years alone, and not having been very good at marriage the first go at it.”  Richard kissed Elsie’s nose.  “Enough of that, though.  It’s time to get our friend to the church.”

“Indeed it is.”  Elsie smiled as she followed Richard out, Beryl coming along behind them.  Pulling her tartan shawl over her shoulders, she pinned on her hat then took Beryl’s hand as they walked out the door.  “Soon you’ll be Mrs. Mason.”

Beryl smiled at that.  “Thank you for standing up for me.”

“I’m honored.”  Elsie patted her hand as they climbed in back.

“You should sit up front next to Richard.”

“No.”  Richard answered before Elsie could.  “She’ll be sitting by me on the way home, for now she’s where she should be.”

 

~*~

 

Elsie laughed as Richard twirled her about the floor, the music loud, the chatter of the other guests even louder.  “I’m so happy for them.  Beryl deserves a good man in her life.”

“Edward’s getting a fine woman.  After everything he’s been through, he deserves to be happy.”

Elsie nodded as she looked over at the happy couple, Beryl’s laugh filling the room as Edward twirled her about.  “And Daisy, look at how happy she is.  It’s good to see the girl finally blossoming.”

“I heard whispers that Alfred is leaving Downton.”

“He is.  He has decided he’d rather be working in a kitchen somewhere.  Beryl has been teaching him the things he doesn’t know to prepare him.  From what she told me, he’s going to try and find work in Manchester.”

“I’m sure he’ll have wonderful references.”

“Mr. Carson isn’t happy that Alfred is leaving, but he has given him a wonderful letter of reference.”

“Good.”  Kissing Elsie’s cheek when the dance ended, Richard took her hand in his.  “And how are the Carsons?”

“From what Tom tells me, they’re doing quite well.”  Elsie smiled up at Richard.  “It would seem our little trip was good for more than just the two of us.”

“Then they’ll be happy to know we’re going away again for our anniversary.”

“But Richard,” Elsie started.

“Ah.”  Richard stopped her and winked.  “You know that we’ve brought new doctors into the hospital.  They did well while we were gone.”

“Yes, I know, but going away again so soon?”

“Lass, I never went away before you.  I was just the widowed doctor that did nothing but work.  Now that we have doctors at the hospital that can handle anything that may come up, I’m entitled to take my wife away for our anniversary.  We won’t be gone but just the weekend.”

“And where are you taking me?”

“To London.”

Elsie’s eyes widened.  “London?”

Richard smiled at the surprise on his wife’s face.  “I have a friend who is lending us his flat.  He’s going to be out of town and was only too happy to give me a place to stay with my wife.  He was a mate at school and is a doctor at the hospital in London.”

“Oh my.”

Richard nodded.  “He’s given me tickets to the opera as a gift.  I argued, but he wouldn’t hear it.  He told me that after everything I’d been through with the loss of my first wife, finding another woman that managed to get me to marry again, we deserved to be treated.”

Elsie caressed his cheek.  “So he knew your first wife.”

“Yes, and he was there through her sickness.  He’s the doctor that tended to her.”

Lifting his hand, Elsie kissed the back even as she squeezed it.  “Then we’ll accept his gift and enjoy it.”

“Yes.”  Richard nodded.  “I see Isobel heading our way.  Is that her friend?”

Elsie turned to watch Isobel then nodded.  “Yes, it is.  He’s caused quite a stir staying with her.”

Richard laughed, “Izzie doesn’t seem to mind.”

“No, she doesn’t.  She’s a woman of a certain age, a widow, who’s taken a lover.  She isn’t the first, won’t be the last.  As long as she’s happy, I’m happy for her.”

“Hello, Isobel.”  Richard greeted her.

Isobel smiled and nodded.  “Richard.”  Turning to Elsie she gave her a brief hug.  “Beryl seems very happy.”

“She is.  Edward is a good man.”

Isobel nodded then turned to her companion.  “This is Alistair Montague.  Alistair, this is Elsie Clarkson.”

Alistair bowed and kissed Elsie’s hand.  “Pleased to finally meet Isobel’s friend she speaks so highly of.”

Elsie smiled.  “It’s nice to meet you.  Isobel has told me how you’ve helped her, thank you.”

“And this is Richard.”  Isobel introduced the men.

Richard held out his hand.  “Pleased to meet you.  You’ve caused quite a stir in our little village.”

Alistair laughed and nodded.  “That I have, but I dare say, Isobel doesn’t care.”

Isobel shook her head.  “No, I don’t.  Let them think what they will.  It isn’t the first time.”

“Ah yes,” Alistair laughed again.  “The young Ethel.”

Elsie laughed at that.  “I think that caused more of a stir than this.”

“Oh, most certainly.”  Isobel laughed as she nodded.  “We came over to ask the two of you to join us for dinner tomorrow.  Alistair will be returning to London on Monday and I would like for the two of you to get to know him better.”

“If nothing happens that prevents Richard from attending, we’d love to.”  Elsie answered.

“We expect you to come even if Richard can’t.”  Isobel told her.

Elsie shook her head.  “No.  If he has to go on a call, I’ll go with him.”

Richard wrapped an arm around Elsie and smiled.  “She goes with me most of the time.  The children love Elsie and it helps to have someone to keep them calm, whether they’re the patient or their parent is.”

Elsie shrugged.  “It’s nothing more than what I did when I was helping Grandda.”

Alistair smiled.  “I think, Mrs. Clarkson, it’s more than you realize.”

Isobel nodded.  “I agree with Alistair.  Now, we really should be going.  We’ll hopefully see you tomorrow evening.”

“Goodnight, Izzie.”  Elsie winked at her friend.

“Izzie?”  Alistair chuckled as he looked down at Isobel.  “No one’s called you that since we were kids.”

“That’s what I told her.”  Isobel smiled at Elsie.  “But I like it so it’s alright.”

“Come on then.”  Alistair took her hand and placed it in the crook of his elbow.

Elsie watched the pair walk away.  “He’s very dashing.”

“She’s happy.”  Richard pressed a kiss to his wife’s temple.  “Come on, Lass.  Let’s go home.”

Elsie looked up at him with an arched eyebrow.  “And just why are you so anxious, Mr. Clarkson?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Cheeky,” he whispered.

Elsie laughed then took his hand and led him toward where his coat, her shawl, and their hats were.  “The bride and groom have been gone for half an hour now, we can leave without any fuss.”

“And I can take my bride home and ravish her.”  Richard breathed against her ear as he helped her with her shawl.

“Richard!”  Elsie hissed.  “Behave yourself.”

Richard shrugged into his coat.  “What can I say?”  He opened the door and helped her out, taking her hand as they walked toward the motor.  “I want you,” he whispered as he held open the door and helped her in.

Elsie blushed at his frankness.  “Too much whiskey,” she mumbled as he walked around to his side.  Even as she grumbled, a thrill went through her with the knowledge that she was loved and wanted.


	28. Chapter 28

Richard watched Elsie as she followed the opera with wide, twinkling eyes.  Her face showed her awe, and it made his heart swell and ache at the same time.  Someone so very beautiful and lovely should have experienced the opera before now, but he was glad that he was the man privileged to be with her for her first time. 

Elsie blinked in surprise when she turned to Richard only to find him staring at her.  “Richard?  Mo chéile, what is it?” she asked quietly as she reached out to squeeze his hand.

Richard caressed her gloved hand, his eyes shining as they moved over her.  “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.  “I’ll have to bring you to the theater or opera more often.”

“Oh,” she huffed even as she blushed.  “It’s much too extravagant.”

“Then I’ll save it for special occasions, but please don’t deny me the pleasure of seeing you experiencing things like this.”

Smiling softly at him, she caressed his cheek.  “Fine then.  Special occasions.”

“Would you like to go powder your nose during the intermission?”

Elsie laughed delightedly as she twitched her nose a bit.  “Does my nose look like it needs powdering?”

Richard laughed with her and shook his head.  “No, mo bhean.  You’re face is perfect.”

“You, my dear husband, are just a bit biased, I think.”

“You didn’t see the heads you turned when we walked in tonight.  Maybe we shouldn’t go down and join the others for the intermission drinks.  I’d have to fight men off.”

“Oh now you’re being daft.”

Reaching out to tuck wayward strand of hair behind her ear, Richard held her gaze.  “No, Elsie.  I’m not.  You’re a beautiful woman inside and out and it draws people to you.  Though I think the woman might become a bit catty if their men keep looking at you the way they were.”

“It’s this dress.”  Elsie whispered as she placed a hand on her chest.  “It’s too revealing.”

“It’s the latest style and you’re perfectly modest.”

“So you say, but I’ve noticed those wolfish looks you’ve been giving me,” she gently scolded.

Richard grinned and winked as he leaned close, whispering in her ear.  “Only because I know what’s beneath the dress.”

“Richard,” she hissed as she blushed.  “You really must behave.”

“You can’t blame it on the whiskey this time,” he teased.

“Cheeky bugger.”

 

~*~

 

“Richard, should we be dancing so close?”  Elsie asked as he swayed her gently to the music.

“Look around, Lass.  All of the couples are dancing this close.”

Elsie did as he suggested and realized he was right.  Some of the couples were even closer than she and Richard.  “It’s all so,” she bit her bottom lip.

“Ah.”  Richard tutted as he gently tapped her lip.  “It’s a changing world, Elsie.  We’re married, it’s perfectly alright for me to hold you close as we dance.  At least here it is.  I wouldn’t dare to do this at a village dance.  We’d never hear the end of it.”

“You’d hold me like this if we were dancing in the privacy of our home, wouldn’t you?”

“I would hold you much closer, Lass,” he assured her.

“Tonight has been wonderful,” she whispered.  “Thank you for making our anniversary so special.”

“No need to thank me, Elsie.  Seeing your eyes so alight with awe at the opera and seeing you dressed like this,” he winked at her when she blushed.  “It’s all thanks enough.  I don’t get many chances to show you this kind of life, but you deserve it, and it’s my pleasure to treat you to it.  Besides,” he looked around a bit then kissed her nose.  “This is as much for me as it is for you.”

She mimicked him and looked about at the others, making sure they weren’t being watched then pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.  “I’m tired of dancing.”

“Dinner then?  It’s rather late, but neither of us have eaten anything since our late lunch.”

“Mmm, yes.  I am rather hungry, but I’d rather eat back at the flat.”  She wrinkled her nose at him.  “My feet hurt.”

Richard laughed as he caressed her cheek.  “You should have told me sooner, Lass.”

“I was enjoying myself too much,” she told him then smiled up at him as he led her back to their table.  Finishing her sherry as Richard paid for their drinks, Elsie laughed when he winked at her then took his hand as they made their way to get her wrap and his coat and hat.

Pressing a kiss to Elsie’s head as he helped her with her wrap, he winked at her when she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.  “Too much drink,” he whispered making her laugh.

“Mo chéile,” she admonished playfully, having had too much drink herself.

 

~*~

 

Elsie’s back arched, Richard’s name slipping from her lips as a breathy moan, her climax rolling over her one wave after the other.  Her fingers dug into his shoulders as she convulsed with one last hard wave then collapsed back against the bed completely boneless.

Richard lay over Elsie, his own body limp and near lifeless.  He knew he should move, but no matter how hard he tried, his body wouldn’t respond to his brain’s commands.  He could still hear the sound of Elsie’s breathy moans echoing in his ears, making his heart beat just a little faster than he wanted it to at the moment.  Moaning when he finally made his body move, he rolled onto his back and smiled when Elsie snuggled up against him.

“Are you alright, mo chéile?”

Richard chuckled a bit and patted her hip.  “Yes, mo bhean.  I think my brain might have been a bit short circuited for a moment.”

Elsie laughed as she pressed a kiss to his chest.  “I think we both may have suffered that affliction.”  Sighing as she settled more comfortably against him, she let her hand rest over his heart, feeling its steady rhythm.  “Lying here in your arms it’s hard to believe that a year ago I was lying alone, crying myself to sleep as I fidgeted with the unfamiliar ring on my finger.  And before you think I was crying because of what I’d done, marrying you, let me assure you I wasn’t.  I was crying because my world had crumbled and my heart had been broken.  If you hadn’t been there,” she paused, her finger making aimless patterns on his chest.  “If you hadn’t been there, if you hadn’t offered me a new home, a new life, I would have gotten lost just as I’d told Fia.”

“No, Elsie.  You’re too strong for that.”

“But, Richard, I wasn’t strong.  Don’t you see?  I had opened my heart and let myself love.  I was always half broken, Richard, Mr. Carson’s actions only finished the breaking.”  Sitting up, Elsie stared down at her husband.  “I was in shock, I think.  I remember reading the telegram from my friend, I remember telling Beryl that I was going to go for a walk.  I don’t remember the walk or arriving at the train station.  I only remember staring down at my ticket as I walked back home.”

“Oh Elsie.”  Richard reached up to caress the hair from her shoulder.

Elsie smiled as she took his hand and held it.  “I don’t remember much of the trip to London.  I do remember lying to Lord Grantham about why I was leaving.  The trip back home is a blur as well.  I remember packing, and trying not to cry when Beryl came to ask me if she could see me off.  And I remember looking up to see the kind eyes of the village doctor looking at me with concern.  The aftershock, well, it wasn’t what I expected.  Marrying?”  She laughed then settled back against him.  “That was definitely not something I thought would happen.”

“I didn’t expect to marry on that visit home, myself.  To be truthful, I’m not really sure why I proposed that arrangement to you.  It just came out before I could stop myself, and then after it had happened,” he shrugged then continued, “Well once we settled into living together as friends, I slowly found myself falling in love with you.  I didn’t realize it until the night Matthew Crawley died.”  Gently combing his fingers through Elsie’s soft hair, Richard smiled as he remembered.  “So many nights I dreamed of telling you that I’d fallen in love with you, of holding you in my arms, of tasting your sweet lips.  I knew those dreams would never come true.”

“But then I was ill and near death.” 

“Yes.  I hadn’t felt so helpless since the death of my baby sister.”

“But you weren’t helpless, mo chéile.  And look at what came of it,” she reminded softly.

“My dreams,” he whispered.

Elsie nuzzled his neck.  “I love you, Richard Clarkson.”

Tugging gently at her hair to tilt her face back, Richard stared down into the blue eyes he some times seemed to drown in.  “And I love you, Elsie Clarkson.  So very much.”


End file.
